Weddings, Suffering, and the Crown of Thorns.

One of my dearest and closest friends asked me to be in her wedding just over a week ago. It's been a whirlwind ever since! I don't think I'll ever quite be able to express my thankfulness and gratitude in words to sweet Caitlin for letting me be a part of such a special, beautiful time in her life. It has been nothing less than a complete joy and honor, and it has drawn me to the cross. Thank you, Caitlin.

God is good to give us love stories. He is good to fill our lives with men and women who desire to seek the heart of God, and pursue purity and relationship. He is good to give us intimate whispering and public outpourings of affection. He is good to give us hands to hold and eyes to gaze into. He is good to give us trials that can be worked through together, in unity. He is good to teach us and mold our hearts, preparing us for the next season of our love story.

He is good.

It's fair to say love has been at the forefront of my mind lately... between weddings, engagements, baby showers, and detailed depictions of long walks on the beach, my life has been happily bombarded with fairy tales. and I love it.

I went home this weekend, and brought my old children's Bible back with me to read to the boys. They patiently and respectfully listen to my adult Bible, (and we will still continue to integrate this in!), but I feel as though they will comprehend and understand more fully if we stick with the picture Bible for a couple more years :) SO, with love on the brain and a sudden urgency to read God's Word with boys... I read to them.

... and as I read, I began to cry. Perhaps it was exhaustion from the week. Perhaps it was the boys listening so intently with eyes wide and hearts open. Perhaps it was the overwhelming realization that my God DIED for me. for ME. For the boys. For my family and friends. Or perhaps it was a combination of all three. But nonetheless, I began to cry.

They nailed Jesus to the cross.

“Father, forgive them, ” Jesus gasped. “They don’t understand what they are doing.”

“You say you have come to rescue us!” people shouted. “But you can’t even rescue yourself!”

But they were wrong. Jesus could have rescued himself. A legion of angels would have flown to his side-if he’d called.

“If you were really the Son of God, you could just climb down off that cross!” they said.

And of course they were right. Jesus could have just climbed down. Actually, he could have just said a word and made it all stop. Like when he healed the little girl. And stilled the storm. And fed 5,000 people.

But Jesus stayed.

You see, they didn’t understand. It wasn’t the nails that kept Jesus there.

It was love.

LOVE.

For some reason, I hadn’t quite thought about it in those terms, and I was rendered speechless by the infinite power that was denied for the sake of love. The Gospel was presented simply and powerfully to five searching little eyes, and also to me.

Love took on a restored, revitalized meaning in the matter of seconds. Suddenly the colors of the bridesmaid dresses didn't seem to matter as much, and the waiting for my own prince charming was fulfilled once again by the most wonderful Man.

This year is not going to be without hardship. I'm in a new place, with new people, at a new (HUGE) school. I will be out of my comfort zone, and daily relying on the Lord's strength and guidance. But I am encouraged this morning. Encouraged that with the love of Christ, ordinary days will become extraordinary. He has filled my life with uncontainable joy, and will continue to walk before me, preparing the perfect path.

I realized that in the past year (which has been one of the most difficult, rewarding, joyous, and painful), it wasn't the nails that held me through heartbreak and suffering. It was love. Deep, desperate, longing love for the One who was mocked on my behalf. Our amazing God beckons us to nestle deep into the brokenness and find inexplicable comfort in His embrace. I have done this countless times, and I have been rescued from a pit so deep I could not fathom a way out of it. You may be wandering, searching, waiting, hoping, begging for mercy and for relief. I understand, and I hurt for you, but this year, I have learned about a part of myself I didn’t know existed.
As a follower of the Most High God, I must know and be thankful for the times when God places a crown of thorns of my head, allowing me to suffer and feel pain. I must feel the burden of the cross at different points in my life, and with the power of Christ Himself, I can say with confidence “I am choosing to bear the crown because I cannot live without the love…”

Tell Him, the One who knows your deepest fears and most secret desperation, that you are choosing the thorns... with gratitude.
And one day, not so far from now, I believe we will be made complete, and pain will cease completely.
Oh, Lord, come quickly.
But until then, I have surrendered my life as an offering, and am allowing the hands of the Father to carry me through what I think is impossible.
He will make known to you His boundless love, which allows us the strength to make it another day.
And another day.
And then, one glorious day, He will call for us.

Oh, how I love my Maker. If you are trying to pursue relationship out of forced conviction, you will miss out on the glory of falling in love with the Maker of your soul. There is such a difference between religion and relationship. I could not have survived without the latter, I assure you.
You see, the thing about the nails in this life is that they are temporary. We bear them because we know that we will lay our crowns at His feet in the blink of an eye. We will join Him for eternity, and will worship the One Who was scarred on our behalf.
I am praying for each of you as you begin your day. I am praying that you will see the crown of thorns as a promise. Yes, it is painful, and yes, sometimes we struggle under the weight of it, but no, it will not defeat us. Because Christ has already won the battle. So I claim victory as a follower of Jesus.

LOVE. I am thankful for weddings, best friends, bridesmaids, flowers, venues, and first looks.
LOVE. I am thankful for Jesus, the crown of thorns, suffering, scars, and renewed hope.

We praise Your name, Lord. For You are who You say You are.
You are, and always will be, enough.

Documenting.

Henry and I have a love-hate relationship. We are truly like siblings. I tell him I love him multiple times a day :) I really think he secretly loves it. He is organized, determined, and is going to be a GREAT husband in many many MANY years!

Charlie goes with the flow. He is easy going and adventurous. He is not afraid to be crazy with me, and has no problem stepping outside of his comfort zone. He surprises me at the most random times with affection and sweet words. I love him.

Sam is wild. He is tough. He is strong-willed. He is a love-bug. He is the best snuggler in the house, and talks non-stop. He is beautifully hilarious, and I love him.

I transferred to Sacramento State University, where I'm going to continue to pursue nursing until my gracious God leads me in another direction.

I live in a converted play room with my cousins.

I am madly in love with one tree hill and gilmore girls.

I am in the process of finding a church to call family.

I have a secret desire (that's not so secret anymore!) to go to beauty school and sculpt hair for a living.

I have the most beautiful best friend who loves to dream big dreams and faithfully serve Jesus with me.

My hair is about three inches below my shoulders... I recently added bangs, and it will remain the dark mocha color that it has always been!

I LOVE to write. This passion of mine seems to be at its peak lately...

I would do just about anything for a three hour phone conversation with a friend about what the Lord is doing in our hearts and the hearts of those we love.

My brother is officially taller than me as of yesterday. Sad day.

Focused time spent with Jesus is my most favorite part of every day.

I listen to mostly Jesus Culture, Bethel Live, and various instrumental music.

I still hate coffee, but LOVE tea.

Part of me still misses junior high...

If you were to see me on any given day, I'd be wearing athletic shorts and a tank top, nikes, and a hat.... however, I LOVE the days when I actually get to shower and look presentable :)

I am blessed beyond measure.


..... Just Documenting.

You are Beautiful.

You're Beautiful.

I had the privilege of chatting with a sweet friend of mine recently... and I l hung up the phone knowing that it was going to eventually be part of a blog post. It was one of those conversations that made me realize just how much the devil is at work. Tearing homes apart, brewing sinful thoughts and deeds, and planting lies.

While insecurities about physical beauty so often in my brain seems to be one associated with junior high or fickle, self-absorbed teenagers... I realized once again the other day that this is not the case. It's real. It haunts girls, both young and old. So I spent some time with Jesus about it. Here's what He had to say to me through His Word.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

End. Of. Story.

This very well could be the end of the post, but as always, my mind is running, always swirling with thoughts for those I love.

Right now, as I'm writing this, I'm looking at the back side of my door, where I keep anything that inspires/encourages/challenges me~ quotes, notes, pictures, pieces of fabric (random, I know), projects the boys have drawn, and pretty much anything else people have given me that is "closet door stickable." I'd love to show it to you, because it's overflowing with wisdom and sweet words.
I especially wish you could see the pictures and letters from all of you. I have them tacked up all over. I have birthday cards, random encouraging notes, get-well-soon cards, and much more. I love getting mail. Whenever I get a letter or a note, or a card... I always get on FB to look at your faces. Just because I love you. and you know what I always think?
Beautiful.
Seriously.
I never looked as cute in my school pictures as you do. How do you do that?! And all you mamas out there, I seriously wonder how you do it! If I look half as cute as you all do someday, I'll be a happy girl.
Ironically, most of the girls I get letters from are girls who have felt un-pretty at some point. It's easy for me to open a letter, get on FB, and wonder what in the world is going through your brain when you think that. How could you possibly look in a mirror and not see how gorgeous you are? Sadder still, I have letters that detail the ways you've been made fun of, hurt, and picked on. I truly wish you each one of you were really here in person so we could get coffee and chat and pray together, because sometimes sending a hug to you virtually doesn't seem right.
So pretend we're in the swankiest coffee shop in town and we're hanging out, because as your unofficial big sister (or little sister, too!), there are a few things I think you should know about yourself. And if you already know them, I don't think it would hurt if you heard a bit of a reminder.
I have unruly hair and wear geeky glasses. I am far away from a size zero and have a not-so-nice complexion. Most girls get tan in the summer, I look like Bob-the-Tomato if I go outside without sunscreen. I'm the average height of most seventh graders and I hate wearing swimsuits as it produces some serious self-conscious tendencies........ The list could go on and on, because the longer I look, the easier it is to be critical about myself.
But when I sit and TRULY think about, LOVE invades my ordinary-ness. I read Psalm 45:11 this morning. Do you know what that says?
It says the King is enthralled by your beauty. Not just parts of your beauty, but ALL of you.
I love the image in Psalm 139 of God knitting us together in "the secret place." Long before anybody held you in her arms and fell in love with you, HE was in love with you. Every freckle and strand of hair and fleck of color in your eyes was intentional and beautiful to Him.
Every little personality quirk is all part of the fabric that makes you who you are~ a stand out, a one of a kind beautiful creation. I LOVE how Eugene Peterson says it in the Message~
"You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something."
You and I live in a world where beauty is a sad plastic imitation of the real thing. Real beauty is a thousand skin tones and languages, different smiles, personalities and hairstyles. Real beauty doesn't matter if you're wearing a frilly skirt and ballet flats or a basketball uniform. It has nothing to do with your jean size or your height.
It has everything to do with what He says about you. He says beauty is a heart place, not a physical place, and when He invades that sweet broken heart of yours, it is impossible not radiate beauty. I hope and pray that you'll look in the mirror and start to see what HE has said and affirmed in your life over and over.
He says that He loves you with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3). He says He's called you out of darkness and into freedom (Psalm 107:14)
You're not meant to blend. You're meant to shine like a bright star in the darkest night. You're meant to be unique and original. In other words, being yourself is beautiful.
I think I've finally made peace with how God has made me. While there are days when I wish I could see a different number on the inside of skirts or jeans, knowing He sees me as beautiful has helped me see it that way, too. Not in a prideful, puffed up way... but in a way that gives all the glory to the Creator. I know that all of my qualms, whether they're physical or emotional ones, matter to Him.

In a world full of plastic, I dare you to be beautiful. I dare you to let His love shine from your heart so bright the world can't help but notice.
You are desired.
You were originated in the mind of God; woven and spun into the leaving, breathing masterpiece you are.
Put simply~

You.Are.Beautiful :)

...and I love you so much!

~Lyss

The Good Life :)

One of the most common questions I get when I tell people I'm a nanny is, "Cool, so do you, like, just play with kids all day?", or sometimes the "That's so FUN! Do you ever want a REAL job?"

HA. (I'm not even going to address the "real job" accusation that I hear all the time. that's a whole different subject, one of which I tend to get fired up about... so I will refrain. It IS a real job, one which carries with it great responsibility to speak life and truth over little people, among other things. Over and out.)

Moving on...

Well...yes...it IS fun. and yes. I sort of "play" with kids all day.
What most people don't know is that I just washed my hair with burst of blueberry blast tear-free shampoo, survived quite the insane trip to the beach that included coralling 3 (next to my usual 5) kids, spilled drinks, a tired baby, and a major sand-in-the-eyes mishap, and I am currently reading a book about baby sign language.

Maybe the following list will give you a glimpse into the daily life I live as a nanny.

You know you're a nanny when~

-You drive a car with carseats in the back and the Toy Story soundtrack cranked up.
-Your perfume switches between stinky feet, hot dogs and baby sunblock.
-When a friend grabs your phone to play a game due to boredom, and they realize all you have are fisher-price games.
-The most common phrase out of your mouth is "Oh, I'm just the nanny."
-A "normal" schedule consists of days starting at 6 am and not finishing until the last head is down on the pillow at night.
-98% of your photos or status' are of or about kids.
-You can sing all the theme songs to Phineas and Ferb, Hannah Montana, and The Suite Life of Zack and Cody.
-You get excited when Parent magazine comes in the mail.
-You are much better at socializing with a group of moms and discussing Cars underwear and training wheels than you are socializing with people your own age.
-You're told you have a "mom" look when the need arises.
-You get two types of looks when you are out in public- The sympathetic, "awww poor single mom with five boys" or the judgemental "hmph young, single mom with five boys."
-When people ask if you've seen any good movies lately...you can ramble off every animated/kids movie but are pretty much clueless as to what "grown-up" movies are out.
-You watch the same movie over and over for months until the next big animated movie comes out....then you watch that one over and over and over.
-You realize at the end of the day that you walked around all day with dried oatmeal all over the back of your skirt.
-You can stand in Target with your "boss" discussing/analyzing what the best sippy cup is.
-You can have the worst day and have it all turned around by a sweet hug from a three year old.
-When "Miss" has become a permanent part of your first name.
-When it's not out of the norm to walk around the mall with a baby on your hip, pushing a stroller, and kids trailing behind you.
-Sunday is your dress up day, because the rest of the week you spend chasing sweaty boys in shorts and a t-shirt.
-You find joy and yet your heart aches when seeing simple accomplishments, like a babies first words, a kid reading you his first book, or facing fears and growing up.
-You can make a killer airplane-shaped PB&J, and a quesadilla that takes two seconds. flat.
-You love analyzing birth-order and personalities.
-The workers at the local kid's activity centers know you by name.
-When you go shopping for clothes, the first priority is to find things that are "kid friendly" and easy to move in.
-Your favorite thing to see is a child smile at you or repeat something that you have taught them.
-Every load of your laundry finds a mini sock that has somehow managed to make it into your laundry.
-You don't go anywhere without Hand Sanitizer and Clorox wipes.
-When a baby you have known since birth says your name for the first time... and you cry.
-When you've had a really rough day of discipline issues, spilled milk, washing the floors three times....and then the day ends with little arms wrapped around you telling you how much they love you.
-You get a beautiful water color painting slipped under the door after a long hard day.
-A sweet boy gets so excited to share with you something new he's learned or something he's overcome.
-You spend each day knowing that you aren't just "babysitting" but that you are playing a part in molding a life.
-You experience all this, yet have no kids of your own.

My life is crazy. It's over-the-top. It's exhausting. It's tough.

But it's one with great purpose, promise, and worth.

Because I'm nannying with Jesus at my side... helping me make decisions and guiding my heart and hands as He allows me to teach, admonish, and love.

It's a hard, selfless, GOOD life.

Thank you, God.

Love,
Lissy Lou

Thank you.

Another post of thankfuls. Because thankfulness should be a lifestyle...

God, thank you for laughter. What would a day be without the sound of laughter from the ones you love?! Laughter? It's like medicine. “A happy heart is good medicine and a cheerful mind works healing, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22

God, thank you for naps.

God, thank you for black iced tea from Starbucks with raw sugar. Oh YUM!

God, thank you for yard sales and thrift stores.

God, thank you for pregnancy. It is such a joy to watch dear friends journey through such a special time. The miracle of life will never cease to amaze me. It is always miraculous, always beautiful.

God, thank you for Your provision. I love that I serve a God who loves to take care of His children.

God, thank you for sunshine! It's a beautiful day... and I'm thankful for it.

God, thank you for photography. I love that there are opportunities to capture perfect moments on camera and keep them forever.

God, thank you for ice water. There are few things more refreshing.

God, thank you for reading time with the boys.

God, thank you for bestowing talent upon your children and allowing us to share it!

God, thank you for peace and quiet.

God, thank you for the Holy Spirit. I find myself soaking up His presence, and it reminds me to savor each moment spent with Him.

God, thank you for mountains.

God, thank you for air conditioner.

God, thank you for vegetables and fruit.

God, thank you for HOPE.

God, thank you for books. The written word is powerful. I am thankful for the ability to read and write.

What are you thankful for today?

Glamorous.

Last week, my three year old said to me, "missy lou, why you don't have fwiends to play wif?"

AWESOME.

Being a nanny can be a tough job.

Let's be real. I'm nineteen, and it's sometimes easier to have a discussion about the latest parenting fads, the most recent news on the American Pediatric Association, and the best discipline tactics than it is to have a "normal" conversation with someone my own age. I spend the majority of my time waltzing around with a three year old attached to my hip and several kiddos in tow looking like a young single mom.

It's a running joke around here that with the perfume of the boy's sweat, the beautiful accent of grass stains on my knees, and hair that has been pulled out of it's pony tail multiple times... I shouldn't exactly expect to live a life of heels and glamour any time soon... especially when I'm driving a mini-van full of kids singing Justin Bieber. (yes, it's true.)

Is my messy, smelly, always-on-the-go life... glamorous?!

On first thought I laugh and think... absolutely not. But then...

I looked up the definition of the word "Glamorous"
Glam-or-ous
-adjective
1. Full of glamour; charmingly or fascinatingly attractive, esp. in a mysterious or magical way.
2. Full of excitement, adventure, and unusual activity

If we are looking at the dictionary definition and not society's definition... it couldn't be a more fitting description of my job. So despite the fact that my mind is constantly spinning with head counts, one-liners from How to Train your Dragon, the latest safety feature for BOB strollers... and on the rare occasion I go out, I accidentally drop a pacifier out of my purse...

I ADORE my glamorous, exciting, adventure-filled, very unusual life as a nanny.

Yes, my life is non-stop and always moving.
Yes, my life is filled with kicking, punching, pinching, spitting, poking, lunging, and hitting.
Yes, my life is exhausting.
Yes, my life is seriously smelly and dirty.
Yes, my life is hectic and rambunctious.
Yes, my life is not filled with 10 hours of sleep every night.
Yes, my life is jam packed with swim lessons, doctor's appointments, and grocery shopping.
Yes, my life is not filled with friend time and long walks on the beach.
Yes, my life is not.my.own.

BUT...

I have been entrusted with five precious souls.
God has blessed me with some seriously wonderful mothers to walk alongside. Mothers full of wisdom, advice, and beauty.
I am working a practical job that is preparing me for motherhood.
I am deeply thankful for the faithful friends in my life.
I get to hear the words, "I love you, Lissy Lou" on a daily basis.
My life is filled with snuggles, kisses, and tight hugs.
I have the privilege of hearing the sweet, child-like faith in the boy's speech... wondering, seeking, innocent.

Each and every day is a reminder that I need to be walking in truth, setting an example for five little eyes, ears, and mouths.

So yes. Being a nanny is a tough job.

But I couldn't have picked a more wonderful, rewarding, challenging, "glamorous" job. I am blessed.

Words.

I've been working on a letter to a dear friend this week and had gotten to the point of exhaustion. (Writing can be that way... oh so rewarding, but so frustrating, too!) I was tired of it. Sick of it. Frustrated. I wanted each word to flow together to create something beautiful.

It felt like I'd worked the words of hope, strength, and peace a million different ways and it still wasn't coming together. Early Wednesday morning, I trudged to the computer and started chopping, reworking, doing it all over again~ the whole time pushing down that still small Voice inside my heart.

"I'm here. Come to Me."

On the responsible days, I have my quiet time in the mornings. I sit in my favorite Adirondack chair on the front porch and usually have tea in my hand. But every once in a while, I put it off. I'll jump on the computer first. Or I'll write in my journal first. Or I'll listen to music. Or I'll decide to have my quiet time later in the day. Or, I'll skip it. *sigh* I genuinely hate the days when I spin into a whirlwind of meaningless chaos, and I choose not to spend time in God's Word. Without them, the day seems to drag on. The day seems to have lost meaning.

So, late Wednesday afternoon, the words still weren't coming together. I decided to stop. Do something different. Even shut down the computer. I did what I should have done to start with. I went downstairs and sat in my chair on the porch. I read Proverbs 3 for the 3rd day of the month. I had three versions out, just because I love reading the footnotes and comparing word choices... I also had The Message laying next to me. *Just a side note, I would absolutely never trade this paraphrased version of the Word of God in for the deep truths in versions such as the ESV or NAS or NIV. Sometimes I just enjoy the flow of the words and their simplicity. Nothing fancy or complicated.*

Just listen to this from the Message..."God can't stand pious poses but he delights in genuine prayers." And down a little further. "A miserable heart means a miserable life; a cheerful heart fills the day with song." And another. "Refuse good advice and watch your plans fail; take good counsel and watch them succeed." One last verse. "God smashes the pretensions of the arrogant; he stands with those who have no standing."

That was me...miserable, arrogant (trying to write without praying first), being hardheaded.

So,I just started talking to God. "I'm sorry, Lord. Help me. I need You. I can't do this without You."

No, I didn't finish the letter on Wednesday. The right words didn't land immediately in my thoughts. I finished today, but more important that getting my work done was getting my heart right. Living life in pursuit of holiness is a constant examination of my heart's motivation and my obedience to the heart and desires of God.

I love to write. I love to blog, text, email, and pen letters. But I need to remember Who's words are the fuel and food for my frail, sinful heart. They are God's Words. His Words are my favorite.

Thirst can always be followed by fulfillment when I am thirsting for God's Words.

Thankful,
Alyssa