I am so excited to sit at the feet of Jesus one day. No more funerals, no more tears, no more pain, no more brokenness. Just constant praise to the Creator of all things.
God, I want to dream the dream that YOU are dreaming for me. So send me, Father. I will go where You want me to be... because I know that it is perfect, breathtaking, beautiful.
Love you.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
What if...
...I never get to be Mary Poppins on a stage.
...I never get to sing with my husband.
...I never get to have a first kiss.
...I never get to go to nursing school.
...I never get to that little bubbly excitement when I know I'm falling in love.
...I never get to date a godly man that will cherish me.
...I never get to scream "YES!" when man asks me to be his forever.
...I never get to experience pure extreme joy when I miss that period, and have to run to the store to get the pregnancy test.
...I never get to see the little pink lines appear on the stick saying that I have a baby inside my belly.
...I never get to buy maternity clothes.
...I never get to read and sing to my sweet baby.
...I never get to dance with my baby when he is crying in the middle of the night.
...I never get to see the same man when I go to sleep and when I wake up in the morning.
...I never get to hear tiny feet pattering down the halls.
...I never get to hear, "Mommy."
...I never get to take my kids to school and watch them run and play.
...I never get to do the things that I have wanted to do since I was seven.
I am still going to LIVE.
I am still going to run, jump, and play NOW~ with the time I am given.
I will still love and praise my Savior for who He is. Perfect, Holy, Constant.
Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the DESIRES of your heart."
Jesus, I delight in You.
...I never get to sing with my husband.
...I never get to have a first kiss.
...I never get to go to nursing school.
...I never get to that little bubbly excitement when I know I'm falling in love.
...I never get to date a godly man that will cherish me.
...I never get to scream "YES!" when man asks me to be his forever.
...I never get to experience pure extreme joy when I miss that period, and have to run to the store to get the pregnancy test.
...I never get to see the little pink lines appear on the stick saying that I have a baby inside my belly.
...I never get to buy maternity clothes.
...I never get to read and sing to my sweet baby.
...I never get to dance with my baby when he is crying in the middle of the night.
...I never get to see the same man when I go to sleep and when I wake up in the morning.
...I never get to hear tiny feet pattering down the halls.
...I never get to hear, "Mommy."
...I never get to take my kids to school and watch them run and play.
...I never get to do the things that I have wanted to do since I was seven.
I am still going to LIVE.
I am still going to run, jump, and play NOW~ with the time I am given.
I will still love and praise my Savior for who He is. Perfect, Holy, Constant.
Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the DESIRES of your heart."
Jesus, I delight in You.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Thankful
I am so thankful for friends today. Friends that inspire and challenge... friends that will never let me settle and love to be adventerous. Man, I love you guys. I am SO thankful I will have stories to tell my kiddos one day ;)
Love,
Poppins
Love,
Poppins
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Clanging Cymbals and Starlight Symphonies :)
I tend to get wrapped up in happily-ever-afters. I still love hearing Nathan talk about how he met Sarah, my teacher talk about the first time she saw her husband.
When I'm introduced to a couple, one of my favorite questions to ask is (with a big goofy smile on my face!) "So how did you two meet?" People meet someone at a concert, on a trip, in an airport, waiting in line at a hot dog stand or at a coffee shop, and then before they know it, something clicks. It can happen between totally polar-opposite personalities. It can happen with close friends. Falling in love can be like meeting someone for the first time, even when you've known him forever. For most people, it seems as though love happens at a moment they aren't expecting it. In an instant, life just changes~ the world suddenly goes from cool sepia colors to soft pastels.
Silver screen love is beautiful too~ tragic and sweet, simple and passionate. I'm into love stories, and I think there's a good reason for this. I'm a girl created to love and be loved. My craving for affection, the way I melt when a guy hand reaches to pull out my chair, is a mystery to me. Friendship, romance, and affection can all be this jumbled, confusing mess. Trusting God with that part of my heart can be crazy hard.
I wanted to see the different ways Paul described what it would be like to live without love~ how his imagery was woven through different translator's pens. Without love, we're compared to a resounding gong and a clanging cymbal, the creaking of a rusty gate and meaningless noise. Without love, you and I are fingernails on a chalkboard, jackhammers in a peaceful neighborhood. Without love, it seems as if Paul is saying we're chaos.
What's even harder for my brain to process is that the word Paul uses for love doesn't refer to chick-flick examples, physical affection or conversation-heart poetry. Paul isn't talking about romantic love, the kind of love I have a tendency to think will make my life perfect. He's talking about agape love. Without a love that fills my life, the kind of love I can only find in Christ, the words I speak are empty, the plans I make seem shallow~ even the relationships I have feel flat.
With Christ's love, life takes on a whole new meaning. We can be kind, patient, confident (not cocky) women who persevere, hope, trust, and pursue the purpose He has for us. We can have a deep rooted security in the permanency of His love, find protection when we're near Him and look for ways to reach out to other people. Even when our world feels like a carnival ride, when our emotions and lives swirl together in a big colorful mess, we can know He is permanent, unchanging and constant. That is pretty romantic. The way God loves us in amazing.
I'm saying all of that to get to this~ You are already loved regardless of your dating status. I'm convinced it's totally OK for us to be excited about the guy He has for us, to let other relationships be a reminder to guard our hearts and our emotions and save the best of who we are for one person. And I'm convinced it's OK to desire romance, to appreciate the guys He puts in our lives. I'm also convinced that even when we're with guys who are every bit of what we've prayed for, we'll feel really empty if we aren't looking to Christ for His approval. He is the love that fills us. Jesus completes us.
When we're living lives full of love like Paul writes about, that love that spills into every other area of our lives as well.
Whether you're watching a sappy movie with a sweet guy this sunny Saturday, or watching a sappy movie alone, you're loved. Whether you're the girl everybody wants to be, or the girl who sits on a bench alone at a picnik table, you are loved. It's so easy for me to think the love that will make my life matter is the love I get from the attention and approval of other people, but again and again I'm learning the only love that makes me whole is the love I find in my relationship with Him.
You and I can wait with a whole lot of anticipation. God is very good at happily-ever-afters. Even when a sweet, fun, godly guy does come along and makes our ordinary day extraordinary, even when we have a great story to tell our grandkids, let's make the love of Christ a priority in our lives. He makes every ordinary moment extraordinary. He sees every mistake and makes a masterpiece from it.
Even for the moments we fail, the times we let our guard down, the broken hearts we give back to Him in pieces, He's waiting to sweep us up into a love that too amazing to articulate.
Without Him, I would be a meaningless noise, a clanging cymbal.
With Him, I'm acoustic guitars, a jazz piano solo, a symphony under the stars.
Without Him, my story is jumbled and inarticulate, but with Him I'm a happily-ever-after just waiting to happen.
And so are you! :)
Love,
Poppins
When I'm introduced to a couple, one of my favorite questions to ask is (with a big goofy smile on my face!) "So how did you two meet?" People meet someone at a concert, on a trip, in an airport, waiting in line at a hot dog stand or at a coffee shop, and then before they know it, something clicks. It can happen between totally polar-opposite personalities. It can happen with close friends. Falling in love can be like meeting someone for the first time, even when you've known him forever. For most people, it seems as though love happens at a moment they aren't expecting it. In an instant, life just changes~ the world suddenly goes from cool sepia colors to soft pastels.
Silver screen love is beautiful too~ tragic and sweet, simple and passionate. I'm into love stories, and I think there's a good reason for this. I'm a girl created to love and be loved. My craving for affection, the way I melt when a guy hand reaches to pull out my chair, is a mystery to me. Friendship, romance, and affection can all be this jumbled, confusing mess. Trusting God with that part of my heart can be crazy hard.
I wanted to see the different ways Paul described what it would be like to live without love~ how his imagery was woven through different translator's pens. Without love, we're compared to a resounding gong and a clanging cymbal, the creaking of a rusty gate and meaningless noise. Without love, you and I are fingernails on a chalkboard, jackhammers in a peaceful neighborhood. Without love, it seems as if Paul is saying we're chaos.
What's even harder for my brain to process is that the word Paul uses for love doesn't refer to chick-flick examples, physical affection or conversation-heart poetry. Paul isn't talking about romantic love, the kind of love I have a tendency to think will make my life perfect. He's talking about agape love. Without a love that fills my life, the kind of love I can only find in Christ, the words I speak are empty, the plans I make seem shallow~ even the relationships I have feel flat.
With Christ's love, life takes on a whole new meaning. We can be kind, patient, confident (not cocky) women who persevere, hope, trust, and pursue the purpose He has for us. We can have a deep rooted security in the permanency of His love, find protection when we're near Him and look for ways to reach out to other people. Even when our world feels like a carnival ride, when our emotions and lives swirl together in a big colorful mess, we can know He is permanent, unchanging and constant. That is pretty romantic. The way God loves us in amazing.
I'm saying all of that to get to this~ You are already loved regardless of your dating status. I'm convinced it's totally OK for us to be excited about the guy He has for us, to let other relationships be a reminder to guard our hearts and our emotions and save the best of who we are for one person. And I'm convinced it's OK to desire romance, to appreciate the guys He puts in our lives. I'm also convinced that even when we're with guys who are every bit of what we've prayed for, we'll feel really empty if we aren't looking to Christ for His approval. He is the love that fills us. Jesus completes us.
When we're living lives full of love like Paul writes about, that love that spills into every other area of our lives as well.
Whether you're watching a sappy movie with a sweet guy this sunny Saturday, or watching a sappy movie alone, you're loved. Whether you're the girl everybody wants to be, or the girl who sits on a bench alone at a picnik table, you are loved. It's so easy for me to think the love that will make my life matter is the love I get from the attention and approval of other people, but again and again I'm learning the only love that makes me whole is the love I find in my relationship with Him.
You and I can wait with a whole lot of anticipation. God is very good at happily-ever-afters. Even when a sweet, fun, godly guy does come along and makes our ordinary day extraordinary, even when we have a great story to tell our grandkids, let's make the love of Christ a priority in our lives. He makes every ordinary moment extraordinary. He sees every mistake and makes a masterpiece from it.
Even for the moments we fail, the times we let our guard down, the broken hearts we give back to Him in pieces, He's waiting to sweep us up into a love that too amazing to articulate.
Without Him, I would be a meaningless noise, a clanging cymbal.
With Him, I'm acoustic guitars, a jazz piano solo, a symphony under the stars.
Without Him, my story is jumbled and inarticulate, but with Him I'm a happily-ever-after just waiting to happen.
And so are you! :)
Love,
Poppins
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Passion.
I know what mine is. For sure.
Nope, this isn't the end fellow theatre friends. In truly cliche and cheesy form... "You will see much more of me." I want to do this. I need to be doing this. I never feel more "alive" (lame word choice, I know. It's late, ok?!) than when I am on that stage. It's like no other feeling.
Oh my goodness. I am thrilled. Simply thrilled.
Don't let it end, Jesus. Don't let it end! and oh, thanks for coming to watch tonight :) I love performing for You.
Nope, this isn't the end fellow theatre friends. In truly cliche and cheesy form... "You will see much more of me." I want to do this. I need to be doing this. I never feel more "alive" (lame word choice, I know. It's late, ok?!) than when I am on that stage. It's like no other feeling.
Oh my goodness. I am thrilled. Simply thrilled.
Don't let it end, Jesus. Don't let it end! and oh, thanks for coming to watch tonight :) I love performing for You.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Blue Hair Monday
Sometimes at school I get the pressing urge to dye my hair a really random color and wear the weirdest clothes I can find. On some level, I've never really liked blending in, but I'm learning that the more I journey through life, the easier it is to blend in.
In the school I'm in now, full of brand name jeans and perfect style, it can be even harder to feel as though I'm unique~ hence the hair thing. I wonder what it would be like to walk around in my favorite purple dress and heels with my hair glimmering a deep shiny blue. I'm a jeans kind of girl anyway, so "dress clothes" have never been my favorite attire.
I like to get dressed up for something special, but day in and day out I go with jeans and a sweatshirt, hair in a pony tail or a bun... (but I'm getting better at wearing it down!) I look like everybody else. I think having blue-hair Monday would help everybody loosen up a little bit.
Especially as girls, we really push the fashion envelope in the name of expression. Even my friend, who's a missionary in a country where women have to dress in long-sleeved shirts and long skirts, has figured out a way to look different. She sends me pictures of cool shoes she finds or henna flowers she had inked on her hand. There are millions of possibilities.
We dye our hair some crazy color. We're grungy one day and couture the next, and sometimes we even pull it off with amazing flair! We can be girly or edgy or athletic or all all that blended into one look. But it's still just a look. At the end of the day, we want to remind the world we're just a little bit different from everybody else. Nobody wants to blend in.
I'm learning that my wildly creative and imaginative God didn't create me to blend, either; He created me to shine. He compared us to stars in the universe. He told us He loves us more than smeared sunsets. We're bound to stand out, but it has very little to do with what color we dye our hair or if it's a pink flip-flop or black stilettos kind of day and everything to do with our hearts.
Lately I've been thinking about what it means to shine, because I've been reading about Daniel. Early on, long before his run-in with some hungry lions, Daniel was making decisions for his God alone and not for other people. Daniel was good-looking, smart, and ambitious (like the other guys serving the king), but he got noticed, because he decided to take a stand. Taking a stand on what you know is right, even when nobody agrees, makes standing out a no-brainer.
Daniel refused to defile himself with the king's food and drink (Daniel 1:8), a choice that landed him some criticism at first. Eventually people could see Daniel was healthier than the other guys. His choice to please God above everybody else made him stand out. But that was only one example of why Daniel didn't blend in. He wasn't just concerned with the externals; he was faithful to God even when no one was looking. He made knowing and spending time with God a priority.
Wrapped in a prayer life that rocked his life, and eventually the whole kingdom, Daniel profoundly influenced his world because of his deep, personal relationship with God. As he stood before the king with tact and grace, God revealed deep intricate mysteries to Daniel. Heaven stood strong in the face of death. The Daniel I've always pictured is sitting in a room full of lions, but long before that moment, Daniel knew how to live in an influence his society while being completely devoted to God.
The many conversations God wants to have with me in my lifetime, the secret, hidden, amazing moments He's waiting to share, won't start in public when I'm trying to stand out. They happen in private, when I'm alone with Him, on my knees in worship, in adoration, talking to Him and listening for His voice.
His Word changes the way I see the world, see my life and see the people in it. Our stories are unfolding. His plan is huge. I don't want to miss it. I want to seize the big opportunities to make a stand for Him. I want to help people without making a big deal about it, without even telling people I'm doing it, because what's going on inside my heart is the real measure of whether I blend in or stand out.
The moral of the story is this~ Being relevant to my generation has a lot less to do with how I look or what bands I can name-drop and a lot more to do with how I let God work in me in such a way that it affects other people. That process never ends. That process makes me different. On the average city street, in the average school, I might blend in. But in HIS mind, I have a purpose and a plan totally unique to me- and so do you.
Daniel's words in 2:28 are some of my favorites: "There is a God in heaven who reveals mysteries." That same God calls you and me friend. Never settle for anything less than a radical relationship with Him~ a relationship that gives you the wings to dream big dreams and love extravagantly.
In the end, love never blends.
Love stands out.
Love changes things.
By the way, I'll just settle for a loud headband here and there. But if I ever dye my hair blue, I'll let you know.
~Poppins
In the school I'm in now, full of brand name jeans and perfect style, it can be even harder to feel as though I'm unique~ hence the hair thing. I wonder what it would be like to walk around in my favorite purple dress and heels with my hair glimmering a deep shiny blue. I'm a jeans kind of girl anyway, so "dress clothes" have never been my favorite attire.
I like to get dressed up for something special, but day in and day out I go with jeans and a sweatshirt, hair in a pony tail or a bun... (but I'm getting better at wearing it down!) I look like everybody else. I think having blue-hair Monday would help everybody loosen up a little bit.
Especially as girls, we really push the fashion envelope in the name of expression. Even my friend, who's a missionary in a country where women have to dress in long-sleeved shirts and long skirts, has figured out a way to look different. She sends me pictures of cool shoes she finds or henna flowers she had inked on her hand. There are millions of possibilities.
We dye our hair some crazy color. We're grungy one day and couture the next, and sometimes we even pull it off with amazing flair! We can be girly or edgy or athletic or all all that blended into one look. But it's still just a look. At the end of the day, we want to remind the world we're just a little bit different from everybody else. Nobody wants to blend in.
I'm learning that my wildly creative and imaginative God didn't create me to blend, either; He created me to shine. He compared us to stars in the universe. He told us He loves us more than smeared sunsets. We're bound to stand out, but it has very little to do with what color we dye our hair or if it's a pink flip-flop or black stilettos kind of day and everything to do with our hearts.
Lately I've been thinking about what it means to shine, because I've been reading about Daniel. Early on, long before his run-in with some hungry lions, Daniel was making decisions for his God alone and not for other people. Daniel was good-looking, smart, and ambitious (like the other guys serving the king), but he got noticed, because he decided to take a stand. Taking a stand on what you know is right, even when nobody agrees, makes standing out a no-brainer.
Daniel refused to defile himself with the king's food and drink (Daniel 1:8), a choice that landed him some criticism at first. Eventually people could see Daniel was healthier than the other guys. His choice to please God above everybody else made him stand out. But that was only one example of why Daniel didn't blend in. He wasn't just concerned with the externals; he was faithful to God even when no one was looking. He made knowing and spending time with God a priority.
Wrapped in a prayer life that rocked his life, and eventually the whole kingdom, Daniel profoundly influenced his world because of his deep, personal relationship with God. As he stood before the king with tact and grace, God revealed deep intricate mysteries to Daniel. Heaven stood strong in the face of death. The Daniel I've always pictured is sitting in a room full of lions, but long before that moment, Daniel knew how to live in an influence his society while being completely devoted to God.
The many conversations God wants to have with me in my lifetime, the secret, hidden, amazing moments He's waiting to share, won't start in public when I'm trying to stand out. They happen in private, when I'm alone with Him, on my knees in worship, in adoration, talking to Him and listening for His voice.
His Word changes the way I see the world, see my life and see the people in it. Our stories are unfolding. His plan is huge. I don't want to miss it. I want to seize the big opportunities to make a stand for Him. I want to help people without making a big deal about it, without even telling people I'm doing it, because what's going on inside my heart is the real measure of whether I blend in or stand out.
The moral of the story is this~ Being relevant to my generation has a lot less to do with how I look or what bands I can name-drop and a lot more to do with how I let God work in me in such a way that it affects other people. That process never ends. That process makes me different. On the average city street, in the average school, I might blend in. But in HIS mind, I have a purpose and a plan totally unique to me- and so do you.
Daniel's words in 2:28 are some of my favorites: "There is a God in heaven who reveals mysteries." That same God calls you and me friend. Never settle for anything less than a radical relationship with Him~ a relationship that gives you the wings to dream big dreams and love extravagantly.
In the end, love never blends.
Love stands out.
Love changes things.
By the way, I'll just settle for a loud headband here and there. But if I ever dye my hair blue, I'll let you know.
~Poppins
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