Imagine this scene with me....
On a bleak and dreary December day, in an elementary classroom, a little girl makes a paper snowflake. She folds the white paper intentionally and slowly, all the while imagining her spectacular blend of lace and ice, something unique, destined to be a pale beauty in a dark gray sky.
Soon the room looks like a paper blizzard. Tiny flecks of paper dancing and twirling through the air to the snap of scissors. Most kids fold the paper twice, cut out a few little circles, unfold it, and then proceed to tie a string to the tip in a matter of minutes.
But this sweet little girl folds hers six times instead of twice and carefully moves around the borders, then the inside of her masterpiece. She cuts out hearts and diamonds, curli-cues and daisy petals. She makes the edges curve and peak until each one is perfect.
She's part starry-eyed artist, part precise surgeon as she unfolds her display, slowly so it doesn't rip. Her teacher ties a string to it and attaches it to the ceiling. It stands apart from all the others. Kaleidoscope shadows and light trickle down onto the desks.
In the end, no one notices the severe fold lines. No one notices the way the ends start to curl. No one notices the few jagged cuts that had to be made. Instead, everyone sees a funky snowflake, made to spin wild into the dark night, made to be complex and unique.
Made to be lovely.
This Christmas, I'm thankful that the love of God covers every tear, cut and fold in this paper heart. Sure, it's a season of all-out joy. But Christmas doesn't make out broken hearts go away. In fact, sometimes Christmas makes them ache all over again.
This time last year, I was deep in heartache. It was my last year of high school, and it wasn't goin so hot. The festivities still took place all around me~ my loud, crazy, wonderful family, presents lining the room, delicious food, and hot tea and coffee. The best part is when all that is over, everybody sits around and tells their love stories. If you know me, you know very soon that I'm a sucker for a really great love story. But last year, my heart was aching. Jealousy had crept in and taken root in my feeble heart, the devil leaking lies into my frail body. For the first time since I can remember, the Christmas tree just seemed a little dull... the twinkling lights on the houses were menacing and cruel. Christmas was beautiful last year, but it was also sad. It was the first year that my singleness really overtook me. I thought about it all day long~ especially on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day....
Then, when I started thinking about all the broken hearts around me, many FAR worse than mine, it made Christmas seem a little less merry and bright.
I only have to log onto facebook or have a chat with a friend to hear about the heartache so many have faced this year~ overcoming addictions, moving to college, experiencing divorce with parents, watching family members lose their battle with diseases, getting diagnosed with cancer, scary car accidents, sudden loss, struggling with fear and unsettling circumstances. Amidst all the joy a year brings~ weddings and welcome homes, first dances, new jobs, beautiful new babies, first missions trips~ comes the unexpected. Tragedy blind-sides us sometimes. It's enough to make a girl like me (an undeniable Christmas nerd who starts to break out the holiday music in October) suddenly seem like Ebenezer Scrooge.
This Christmas is starkly different. While the ever-present ache in my heart for love still rears its ugly head now and then, I am filled with joy this year. After blood, sweat, and tears, I have completed my first semester of college... one step closer to being an RN! :) I have the best job in the entire world watching kids that are family to me. I met some pretty amazing people this year~ Emmy, my miracle friend with her absolutely breathtaking heart and gentle spirit, Pam~ the hardest professor on the planet who challenged me in ways I didn't think were possible, and Cait~ my answered prayer. I have a home and extra special people who live in it with me. I am so blessed.
So... even through all the heartache, Christmas still manages to get me with the overwhelming message of the holiday season~ Hope.
I fell asleep this Christmas Eve in my flannel pj's, simply thanking God for where He has me. While sometimes the waiting seems never-ending and seemingly hopeLESS, I have been given such a great gift~ freedom to run after my Father with nothing to hold me back. Freedom to dance and sing under His wing. I got a profound feeling this Christmas that He delights in that. Delights in the pure beauty of a daughter willing to run to Him. I am holding onto Him tightly... for I know there will come a time when this freedom will no longer be mine. Though it will be an answer to prayer and a tremendous blessing to receive a life-long best friend and mate far beyond all others... it will also be a fight. A daily fight for Jesus and for me and for my love. SO, I am dancing and singing before my Jesus. I am letting joy prevail. I am enjoying the season I am in.
I have hope.
Two thousand years ago, the weary world rejoiced because it was broken, not because it was whole. The world rejoiced because it was desperate for a Savior, desperate for Someone who could heal all the broken, lonely places. It rejoiced because smack in the middle of sad goodbyes and broken hearts came JESUS.
The name Isaiah penned to describe Jesus is a name that resonates loud in my life this time of year~ Prince of Peace. In my chaos, He's peace. In my changing relationships, He's peace. In my family situations, He's peace. In my oppressing school schedule, He's peace. He came to the world for ME, to hold me and carry me through all the darkness, to give me the sweetest gift of all~ Himself.
It's a dark and lonely world. But take heart! With a journey from a manger in starry Bethlehem to a cross on a lonely hillside, He overcame the world and brought us peace.
Sometimes I wonder if my first experience in heaven will feel like Christmas morning~ pale light streaming through the windows that make me blink my sleepy eyes; the sound of my family's voices; soft music coming from the living room; joy that spills up from deep inside that surprises and excites me.
I wonder if heaven will feel like two friends simply enjoying each other's company, the cozy comfort of flannel pj's, or the love and hope of Christmas morning. Maybe it'll be all of that. But I know one thing for sure~ Heaven means sitting at the feet of my Jesus and never looking back.
This year, like every year, there's a truth that shines brighter that any colored lights in my small town:
For unto us a child is born, to us a Son is given, and the government will be on His shoulders. And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
This Christmas, dare to let His love reflect in you. Make the world wonder how something so small and fragile, so ripped and unique, can be so stunning.
Then go make a paper snowflake :)
Merry Christmas, my friends. You are loved.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
It's Winter :)
I enjoy days like these...
The house is quiet. It's just me and Jesus.
oh, and chemistry homework. To be completely honest, it just doesn't seem to bad when He's sitting next to me :)
The house is quiet. It's just me and Jesus.
oh, and chemistry homework. To be completely honest, it just doesn't seem to bad when He's sitting next to me :)
Friday, December 3, 2010
Thankful.
Somedays we forget
To look around us
Somedays we can't see
The joy that surrounds us
So caught up inside ourselves
We take when we should give.
So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be.
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see.
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.
Look beyond ourselves
There's so much sorrow
It's way too late to say
I'll cry tomorrow
Each of us must find our truth
It's so long overdue
So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And every day we hope for
What we still can't see
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.
Even with our differences
There is a place we're all connected
Each of us can find each other's light
So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see
It's up to us to be the change
And even though this world needs so much more
There's so much to be thankful for...
To look around us
Somedays we can't see
The joy that surrounds us
So caught up inside ourselves
We take when we should give.
So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be.
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see.
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.
Look beyond ourselves
There's so much sorrow
It's way too late to say
I'll cry tomorrow
Each of us must find our truth
It's so long overdue
So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And every day we hope for
What we still can't see
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.
Even with our differences
There is a place we're all connected
Each of us can find each other's light
So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see
It's up to us to be the change
And even though this world needs so much more
There's so much to be thankful for...
Sunday, November 28, 2010
For THIS I am thankful.
God has been rocking my world in big ways as of late... opening my eyes to yucky things of this world, and changing my heart in so many ways. This is what He has been teaching my heart...
1. He has been graciously teaching me what true contentment look like. It's not saying the words "I'm content"... No. It's much more than that. It's a heart that's willing to go where He sends me, eyes that are constantly seeking His face alone, and lips that speak truth about where I am in the consistent struggle with true contentment. So, I say these words with a humble, trembling heart. But I mean them just the same~ I will go where you send me, Father. I don't want to miss anything you are doing. Continue to mold me into the woman you want me to be, a woman content with where you have me.
2. He has been continually showing me that trusting in Him is sufficient. When I place my life in His hands, the plan for my life is rooted in security. I never have to look for outside assurance, because He is more than enough for me.
3. Celebration. I never thought I would have to be taught how to celebrate... but I have been taught/am still being taught how to truly celebrate. I don't mean for birthdays, landing a sweet nanny job, or getting an A on an exam. I mean celebrating when a 16 year old other than me gets a brand new car for her birthday, when someone ELSE lands a sweet nanny job, or when my study partner gets a higher grade on her exam. We are commanded to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. Mourning is easy... it’s a natural, fleshly initiative. Rejoicing is not. We are a selfish, prideful race and people group. God has been continually stripping me of this, and teaching me how to truly celebrate and rejoice with those around me.
4. Waiting. My life seems to be filled with lots and lots of waiting. I am learning that he is molding me though each season... that includes the season of waiting. Dan Lance said tonight at the Stirring, “Waiting is hard, but waiting is good.” So simple... but SO true. It IS hard, but beautiful things come from waiting. My turn will come... I just need to rest in Him.
5. Genuinity. I think this speaks for itself. We are not called to be robots. Happy, sunshine-y, slap-a-smile-on-your-face robots. We are called to be real... people of resolve and fervor, passion and grace. I am learning to be genuine. With ALL people.
6. Last thing on the list tonight... He is opening my eyes to SO much beauty. Like I’ve never seen before. Allowing me to enjoy and capture just glimpses of His beauty. I found myself truly bubbling over tonight. I wanted to run and greet every single person I saw, whether I knew them or not! I just wanted to invade them with the love of Jesus... because it’s meant to be shared... to be leaked out of every pore in my body.
With that said, I am at peace tonight. I am thankful for what my Jesus is teaching me. He is drawing me closer to Himself every single hour, and I am falling more and more in love. Oh, how I love you, Jesus.
Oh, how I love you.
1. He has been graciously teaching me what true contentment look like. It's not saying the words "I'm content"... No. It's much more than that. It's a heart that's willing to go where He sends me, eyes that are constantly seeking His face alone, and lips that speak truth about where I am in the consistent struggle with true contentment. So, I say these words with a humble, trembling heart. But I mean them just the same~ I will go where you send me, Father. I don't want to miss anything you are doing. Continue to mold me into the woman you want me to be, a woman content with where you have me.
2. He has been continually showing me that trusting in Him is sufficient. When I place my life in His hands, the plan for my life is rooted in security. I never have to look for outside assurance, because He is more than enough for me.
3. Celebration. I never thought I would have to be taught how to celebrate... but I have been taught/am still being taught how to truly celebrate. I don't mean for birthdays, landing a sweet nanny job, or getting an A on an exam. I mean celebrating when a 16 year old other than me gets a brand new car for her birthday, when someone ELSE lands a sweet nanny job, or when my study partner gets a higher grade on her exam. We are commanded to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. Mourning is easy... it’s a natural, fleshly initiative. Rejoicing is not. We are a selfish, prideful race and people group. God has been continually stripping me of this, and teaching me how to truly celebrate and rejoice with those around me.
4. Waiting. My life seems to be filled with lots and lots of waiting. I am learning that he is molding me though each season... that includes the season of waiting. Dan Lance said tonight at the Stirring, “Waiting is hard, but waiting is good.” So simple... but SO true. It IS hard, but beautiful things come from waiting. My turn will come... I just need to rest in Him.
5. Genuinity. I think this speaks for itself. We are not called to be robots. Happy, sunshine-y, slap-a-smile-on-your-face robots. We are called to be real... people of resolve and fervor, passion and grace. I am learning to be genuine. With ALL people.
6. Last thing on the list tonight... He is opening my eyes to SO much beauty. Like I’ve never seen before. Allowing me to enjoy and capture just glimpses of His beauty. I found myself truly bubbling over tonight. I wanted to run and greet every single person I saw, whether I knew them or not! I just wanted to invade them with the love of Jesus... because it’s meant to be shared... to be leaked out of every pore in my body.
With that said, I am at peace tonight. I am thankful for what my Jesus is teaching me. He is drawing me closer to Himself every single hour, and I am falling more and more in love. Oh, how I love you, Jesus.
Oh, how I love you.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Stillness.
I realized this afternoon that I haven't had time in months to simply "Be Still." There is always bustling, rumbling, and running around... not to mention the endless amounts of studying :) I'm either buried in a textbook, memorizing notecards, driving to Caitlin's, driving back from Caitlin's, eating, decorating, dancing, playing games, walking like a zombie due to exhaustion, watching the kiddos, or sleeping. This is my life. Crazy, wild, hectic. Today, the second I woke up there was a list of "to-do's"....
1. Call Louise Elliot.
2. Do 6 loads of laundry. (I know, I know. It's bad... it builds up!)
3. Book a flight to see my grandparents.
4. Call Jen (This absolutely could not be cut out, though it may seem trivial)
5. Do dishes.
6. Write the fetal circulation paper for anatomy.
7. Pay the credit card bill.
8. Map out finals week.
9. Clean room. Thoroughly.
10. Finish filling out passport for Mexico.
11. Master lecture notes for anatomy.
..... I'm sure there is more, but this is all I can think of right now.
It was basically go go go go go go for 6 hours. I didn't get it all finished, but I knew I needed a break. I'm still sick, doped up on meds, and constantly exhausted... so I definitely needed to just chill.
The house is empty. I lit some candles. Turned on the Christmas tree lights, and my very favorite soothing Christmas CD... and I sat. I was still. I had nothing in my hands. Nothing I was trying to study. My phone was in the other room. I just "was." I was still. I was silent. I was contemplative. I am just thanking God tonight for stillness. For the moments He allows me to rest. To just sit in His arms and "be". This post is not eloquent or proofread, long and thought out. It's simple and un-edited.
I'm okay with that.
Try it sometime. Put everything aside. Praise Him.
"Fall on your knees... oh hear the angel voices... oh night divine."
mmmm..... STILLNESS.
1. Call Louise Elliot.
2. Do 6 loads of laundry. (I know, I know. It's bad... it builds up!)
3. Book a flight to see my grandparents.
4. Call Jen (This absolutely could not be cut out, though it may seem trivial)
5. Do dishes.
6. Write the fetal circulation paper for anatomy.
7. Pay the credit card bill.
8. Map out finals week.
9. Clean room. Thoroughly.
10. Finish filling out passport for Mexico.
11. Master lecture notes for anatomy.
..... I'm sure there is more, but this is all I can think of right now.
It was basically go go go go go go for 6 hours. I didn't get it all finished, but I knew I needed a break. I'm still sick, doped up on meds, and constantly exhausted... so I definitely needed to just chill.
The house is empty. I lit some candles. Turned on the Christmas tree lights, and my very favorite soothing Christmas CD... and I sat. I was still. I had nothing in my hands. Nothing I was trying to study. My phone was in the other room. I just "was." I was still. I was silent. I was contemplative. I am just thanking God tonight for stillness. For the moments He allows me to rest. To just sit in His arms and "be". This post is not eloquent or proofread, long and thought out. It's simple and un-edited.
I'm okay with that.
Try it sometime. Put everything aside. Praise Him.
"Fall on your knees... oh hear the angel voices... oh night divine."
mmmm..... STILLNESS.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Choosing Gratitude.
Today, I am choosing gratitude. I am choosing to look at the life God has chosen to bless me with. Being that it is November, and a celebrated time of thankfulness... Here are a few things I am thankful for~
I'm thankful for blue-sky Sundays, rainy days where I can sleep in, stars splattered across the heavens, snowflakes, and rows and rows of mountains. I'm thankful for city skylines, breathtaking paintings, and friends who love Jesus and look out for me. I'm thankful for strong hugs hello and passionate hugs goodbye.
I'm thankful for the long teary nights when I write so much I see the first glimpse of sunrise. I'm thankful for music~ endless, magnificent, poignant music to match every mood. Life deserves a soundtrack, don't you think? I'm thankful for the fun, most wacky family a girl could have. I have parents who love each other and desire to please God, a talented brother who is such a gentleman, and a "sister" that lets me talk about the same things over and over.
I'm thankful for cell phones and emails, for calls and notes, and mixed CD's, even when life gets busy. I'm thankful for inside jokes I have with my best friends. I'm thankful for great plays, for my car, and the way Jillian yells at me JUST when I'm about to give up on the crunches.
I'm thankful I live in a place with such amazing doctors, wonderful education, and the freedom to worship the way I want. I'm thankful for my scars and freckles. I'm thankful for touching novels that I think about for weeks after I've turned the last page, movies with a purpose, and sweet poetry.
I'm thankful for random mall trips with my bff in the nursing program, old home movies, glasses and contact lenses. I'm thankful for water droplets that gather on the leaves, study breaks that end in a dance-off, and umbrellas and rainboots.
I'm thankful for singleness and the blessing that it brings. I'm thankful for Nate Edwardson, and his desire to let Jesus flow through his words every Sunday. I'm thankful for The Stirring, and how God is working in my sinful heart.
I'm thankful for people who challenge my thinking, people who inspire creativity, and people who make me laugh from my gut.
I'm grateful for democracy and freedom and for men and women who defend those rights. I'm thankful for green tea, cold days, and blasting music. I'm thankful for sleepy eyes, and the words "I Love You." I'm thankful for boys.
I'm thankful for sweatshirts and pea coats, leggings and stilettos. I'm thankful for soap and toothpaste, candles and nail polish.
I'm thankful for neon notecards, study buddies, and fleece blankets.
If thankfulness were a fireworks show, this would be the grand finale. I'm thankful for the indescribable love of a Sovereign God who is so involved in the lives of His girls. THAT'S the relationship that sets my heart and imagination on fire, that sets my feet to dancin, that shines a light on all my darkness, that fills me up with purpose, promise, and worth.
When change happens, He holds on to me. When tragedy comes out of nowhere, He holds onto me. In my most wonderful moments and in my most tragic moments, I'm safe in the arms of a God who will never let me go.
Because of Him, every moment matters. On this side of heaven, we'll have to swim through used cliches and adjectives to try and explain God's glory. Maybe that's for the best. Where words fail, we can can love, serve, and live lives that resonate that crazy beautiful love.
I can't think of a better way to explain what He means to me than by living a life sold out for Him. The way we impact the world will never be through having the most amazing car, the most gorgeous dress, or the most celebrity-packed party the world has ever seen. The way we impact the world will come from the time we spend with Him~ in His Word, in worship, in prayer~ and how we allow His all-consuming love to change our hearts. The way we love and serve other people (especially those who can do absolutely nothing for us in return) changes everything.
Paul writes about Thankfulness in several places. In Colossians 2:7, he instructs the church to be "overflowing with thankfulness." Paul had as much reason as anybody to find something to complain about, but he seemed to find true freedom and closeness with God when he acknowledged how God was working in his life.
I don't think God is put off when we wrestle with disappointment and frustration. True gratefulness doesn't have to be an obnoxious, over-the-top optimism. It doesn't mean we won't grieve through legitimate heartbreaks and hard times. Living in gratefulness does make us more keenly aware of how God is working.
Being grateful people helps us to get over ourselves and get caught up in what He's doing all around us.
I am choosing gratitude.
I'm thankful for blue-sky Sundays, rainy days where I can sleep in, stars splattered across the heavens, snowflakes, and rows and rows of mountains. I'm thankful for city skylines, breathtaking paintings, and friends who love Jesus and look out for me. I'm thankful for strong hugs hello and passionate hugs goodbye.
I'm thankful for the long teary nights when I write so much I see the first glimpse of sunrise. I'm thankful for music~ endless, magnificent, poignant music to match every mood. Life deserves a soundtrack, don't you think? I'm thankful for the fun, most wacky family a girl could have. I have parents who love each other and desire to please God, a talented brother who is such a gentleman, and a "sister" that lets me talk about the same things over and over.
I'm thankful for cell phones and emails, for calls and notes, and mixed CD's, even when life gets busy. I'm thankful for inside jokes I have with my best friends. I'm thankful for great plays, for my car, and the way Jillian yells at me JUST when I'm about to give up on the crunches.
I'm thankful I live in a place with such amazing doctors, wonderful education, and the freedom to worship the way I want. I'm thankful for my scars and freckles. I'm thankful for touching novels that I think about for weeks after I've turned the last page, movies with a purpose, and sweet poetry.
I'm thankful for random mall trips with my bff in the nursing program, old home movies, glasses and contact lenses. I'm thankful for water droplets that gather on the leaves, study breaks that end in a dance-off, and umbrellas and rainboots.
I'm thankful for singleness and the blessing that it brings. I'm thankful for Nate Edwardson, and his desire to let Jesus flow through his words every Sunday. I'm thankful for The Stirring, and how God is working in my sinful heart.
I'm thankful for people who challenge my thinking, people who inspire creativity, and people who make me laugh from my gut.
I'm grateful for democracy and freedom and for men and women who defend those rights. I'm thankful for green tea, cold days, and blasting music. I'm thankful for sleepy eyes, and the words "I Love You." I'm thankful for boys.
I'm thankful for sweatshirts and pea coats, leggings and stilettos. I'm thankful for soap and toothpaste, candles and nail polish.
I'm thankful for neon notecards, study buddies, and fleece blankets.
If thankfulness were a fireworks show, this would be the grand finale. I'm thankful for the indescribable love of a Sovereign God who is so involved in the lives of His girls. THAT'S the relationship that sets my heart and imagination on fire, that sets my feet to dancin, that shines a light on all my darkness, that fills me up with purpose, promise, and worth.
When change happens, He holds on to me. When tragedy comes out of nowhere, He holds onto me. In my most wonderful moments and in my most tragic moments, I'm safe in the arms of a God who will never let me go.
Because of Him, every moment matters. On this side of heaven, we'll have to swim through used cliches and adjectives to try and explain God's glory. Maybe that's for the best. Where words fail, we can can love, serve, and live lives that resonate that crazy beautiful love.
I can't think of a better way to explain what He means to me than by living a life sold out for Him. The way we impact the world will never be through having the most amazing car, the most gorgeous dress, or the most celebrity-packed party the world has ever seen. The way we impact the world will come from the time we spend with Him~ in His Word, in worship, in prayer~ and how we allow His all-consuming love to change our hearts. The way we love and serve other people (especially those who can do absolutely nothing for us in return) changes everything.
Paul writes about Thankfulness in several places. In Colossians 2:7, he instructs the church to be "overflowing with thankfulness." Paul had as much reason as anybody to find something to complain about, but he seemed to find true freedom and closeness with God when he acknowledged how God was working in his life.
I don't think God is put off when we wrestle with disappointment and frustration. True gratefulness doesn't have to be an obnoxious, over-the-top optimism. It doesn't mean we won't grieve through legitimate heartbreaks and hard times. Living in gratefulness does make us more keenly aware of how God is working.
Being grateful people helps us to get over ourselves and get caught up in what He's doing all around us.
I am choosing gratitude.
Maycee Quinn Halcrow.
7 pounds and 10 oz of pure love was born yesterday. She was a tiny 20 inches long, but I know she's going to be brave and beautiful.
I am rejoicing with you, Kev and Jen! :) I love you all to pieces, and can't wait to hold my baby cousin and kiss her darling cheeks.
I am rejoicing with you, Kev and Jen! :) I love you all to pieces, and can't wait to hold my baby cousin and kiss her darling cheeks.
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