Paper Snowflakes.

Imagine this scene with me....
On a bleak and dreary December day, in an elementary classroom, a little girl makes a paper snowflake. She folds the white paper intentionally and slowly, all the while imagining her spectacular blend of lace and ice, something unique, destined to be a pale beauty in a dark gray sky.
Soon the room looks like a paper blizzard. Tiny flecks of paper dancing and twirling through the air to the snap of scissors. Most kids fold the paper twice, cut out a few little circles, unfold it, and then proceed to tie a string to the tip in a matter of minutes.
But this sweet little girl folds hers six times instead of twice and carefully moves around the borders, then the inside of her masterpiece. She cuts out hearts and diamonds, curli-cues and daisy petals. She makes the edges curve and peak until each one is perfect.
She's part starry-eyed artist, part precise surgeon as she unfolds her display, slowly so it doesn't rip. Her teacher ties a string to it and attaches it to the ceiling. It stands apart from all the others. Kaleidoscope shadows and light trickle down onto the desks.
In the end, no one notices the severe fold lines. No one notices the way the ends start to curl. No one notices the few jagged cuts that had to be made. Instead, everyone sees a funky snowflake, made to spin wild into the dark night, made to be complex and unique.
Made to be lovely.
This Christmas, I'm thankful that the love of God covers every tear, cut and fold in this paper heart. Sure, it's a season of all-out joy. But Christmas doesn't make out broken hearts go away. In fact, sometimes Christmas makes them ache all over again.
This time last year, I was deep in heartache. It was my last year of high school, and it wasn't goin so hot. The festivities still took place all around me~ my loud, crazy, wonderful family, presents lining the room, delicious food, and hot tea and coffee. The best part is when all that is over, everybody sits around and tells their love stories. If you know me, you know very soon that I'm a sucker for a really great love story. But last year, my heart was aching. Jealousy had crept in and taken root in my feeble heart, the devil leaking lies into my frail body. For the first time since I can remember, the Christmas tree just seemed a little dull... the twinkling lights on the houses were menacing and cruel. Christmas was beautiful last year, but it was also sad. It was the first year that my singleness really overtook me. I thought about it all day long~ especially on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day....
Then, when I started thinking about all the broken hearts around me, many FAR worse than mine, it made Christmas seem a little less merry and bright.
I only have to log onto facebook or have a chat with a friend to hear about the heartache so many have faced this year~ overcoming addictions, moving to college, experiencing divorce with parents, watching family members lose their battle with diseases, getting diagnosed with cancer, scary car accidents, sudden loss, struggling with fear and unsettling circumstances. Amidst all the joy a year brings~ weddings and welcome homes, first dances, new jobs, beautiful new babies, first missions trips~ comes the unexpected. Tragedy blind-sides us sometimes. It's enough to make a girl like me (an undeniable Christmas nerd who starts to break out the holiday music in October) suddenly seem like Ebenezer Scrooge.
This Christmas is starkly different. While the ever-present ache in my heart for love still rears its ugly head now and then, I am filled with joy this year. After blood, sweat, and tears, I have completed my first semester of college... one step closer to being an RN! :) I have the best job in the entire world watching kids that are family to me. I met some pretty amazing people this year~ Emmy, my miracle friend with her absolutely breathtaking heart and gentle spirit, Pam~ the hardest professor on the planet who challenged me in ways I didn't think were possible, and Cait~ my answered prayer. I have a home and extra special people who live in it with me. I am so blessed.
So... even through all the heartache, Christmas still manages to get me with the overwhelming message of the holiday season~ Hope.
I fell asleep this Christmas Eve in my flannel pj's, simply thanking God for where He has me. While sometimes the waiting seems never-ending and seemingly hopeLESS, I have been given such a great gift~ freedom to run after my Father with nothing to hold me back. Freedom to dance and sing under His wing. I got a profound feeling this Christmas that He delights in that. Delights in the pure beauty of a daughter willing to run to Him. I am holding onto Him tightly... for I know there will come a time when this freedom will no longer be mine. Though it will be an answer to prayer and a tremendous blessing to receive a life-long best friend and mate far beyond all others... it will also be a fight. A daily fight for Jesus and for me and for my love. SO, I am dancing and singing before my Jesus. I am letting joy prevail. I am enjoying the season I am in.
I have hope.
Two thousand years ago, the weary world rejoiced because it was broken, not because it was whole. The world rejoiced because it was desperate for a Savior, desperate for Someone who could heal all the broken, lonely places. It rejoiced because smack in the middle of sad goodbyes and broken hearts came JESUS.
The name Isaiah penned to describe Jesus is a name that resonates loud in my life this time of year~ Prince of Peace. In my chaos, He's peace. In my changing relationships, He's peace. In my family situations, He's peace. In my oppressing school schedule, He's peace. He came to the world for ME, to hold me and carry me through all the darkness, to give me the sweetest gift of all~ Himself.
It's a dark and lonely world. But take heart! With a journey from a manger in starry Bethlehem to a cross on a lonely hillside, He overcame the world and brought us peace.
Sometimes I wonder if my first experience in heaven will feel like Christmas morning~ pale light streaming through the windows that make me blink my sleepy eyes; the sound of my family's voices; soft music coming from the living room; joy that spills up from deep inside that surprises and excites me.
I wonder if heaven will feel like two friends simply enjoying each other's company, the cozy comfort of flannel pj's, or the love and hope of Christmas morning. Maybe it'll be all of that. But I know one thing for sure~ Heaven means sitting at the feet of my Jesus and never looking back.
This year, like every year, there's a truth that shines brighter that any colored lights in my small town:

For unto us a child is born, to us a Son is given, and the government will be on His shoulders. And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.


This Christmas, dare to let His love reflect in you. Make the world wonder how something so small and fragile, so ripped and unique, can be so stunning.

Then go make a paper snowflake :)

Merry Christmas, my friends. You are loved.

It's Winter :)

I enjoy days like these...

The house is quiet. It's just me and Jesus.

oh, and chemistry homework. To be completely honest, it just doesn't seem to bad when He's sitting next to me :)

Thankful.

Somedays we forget
To look around us
Somedays we can't see
The joy that surrounds us
So caught up inside ourselves
We take when we should give.

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be.
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see.
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.

Look beyond ourselves
There's so much sorrow
It's way too late to say
I'll cry tomorrow
Each of us must find our truth
It's so long overdue

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And every day we hope for
What we still can't see
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.

Even with our differences
There is a place we're all connected
Each of us can find each other's light

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see
It's up to us to be the change
And even though this world needs so much more

There's so much to be thankful for...