Tomorrow at this time, I'll be driving two and a half hours south to the town that I grow up in. I'll be leaving a day of fun and laughter, and heading back to a place of familiarity. My friends and I will be crammed (I mean... uh, packed??) in cars, my cell phone charged and ready to go, and my Ipod will be ready to cure boredom (if there is any). I wish that all my friends could go with me on these types of trips. We could load up on junk food, sing along with my (very random) travel mix and talk about what's going on in their worlds. Road trips are always fun, and tomorrow will be especially interesting... because I'll be coming home so soon.
Ironically, when I am at home... I spend a lot of my time thinking about leaving.
I love my little school, and my friends and family too... but I am desperate to see the rest of the world. I pore over Sarah's old copies of National Geographic, memorizing the faces and countries profiled there. Those people with beautiful dark eyes and strange customs seem so interesting to me. I want to see their worlds. I want to hear languages I don't understand, see the sunset over flatlands instead of mountains and be captivated by some dreamy European city.
I want to go somewhere different. I want something new. Sometimes I feel like my heart will explode if I don't get to touch, taste, and see the world past my little mountains.
The longing has erupted this year. I don't know what's stronger~ my desire to see a new place or my desire to be seen as a new girl. I want to go somewhere I can be undefined. I feel like the people here already know everything about me (even though they SO don't... not even close). But they know who I want them to know.
I know everything about me too. I need to go somewhere I can reinvent myself. Take some risks. Becoming is so awkward, isn't it?
And so I wasn't surprised today, when I'm about to leave my home, then turn around and come back... that these words in my time with Jesus echoed in my heart's cry~
"Sing a new song to the Lord." Psalm 96:1
That's what I wanted~ a new song. What I didn't realize... but am coming to realize very quickly... is that a new song doesn't come with a continent change. Sometimes the most beautiful new songs in my life have a way of finding me exactly where I am.
When I find myself in a season where I feel stuck or a place where I feel restless, I know a couple of things could be brewing in my heart. Sometimes, I think God gives us a gentle prompter to get out in the world and love His people.
I've learned so much about God by getting out into the world and seeing Him work there.
But I've also learned so much about God and experienced His love... when He breathes life back into dreams, responsibilities, and goals I have right where I am. The restlessness in my heart can also point me back to an adventure I'm missing that's already happening around me.
When the psalmist tells us to sing a new song to the Lord, he follows it with this proclamation: Let the whole earth sing to the Lord!
And whether I'm running through the rainy streets of some European supercity, sitting on the back porch at home ready to be finished, or laboring over a filthy desk at school, I can still sing a new song to Jesus. I can still feel that rush of excitement and adventure that comes with taking Him up on something new.
Restlessness stirs in my heart for a reason. Sometimes I need to change my environment, but more often than not, I just need to change the song in my heart.
I need to remember that my purpose is exactly where I am. I need to remember what I love and why. I need to find somewhere to be alone and worship God in a way I haven't worshipped Him in a while. Sometimes when I worship in a new way I feel closer to Him. As long we worship God in spirit and truth (John 4), I don't think one method of worship trumps the rest.
But worshipping God in a new way pulls me out of rote formality. I may not know the words by heart. I may not know what I'm doing. I'm just giving Him a moment of spontaneous love. I have a feeling those moments are precious to Him.
There is a longing in my heart at almost 18 much stronger than seeing the world or falling in love or finding the perfect college. I want to know God fully. I want to fall deeper and deeper in love with who He is in every season of my life. I want to experience Him on different continents, and with different people... and I will. But some of the sweetest times in my walk with Him so far are moments He became real to me right where I was.
He isn't just the God of my amazing, blow-my-mind-and-see-the-world days. He's also the God of my faded-jeans-and-flip-flops days. Sometimes my soul is just longing to sing a new song. When I do, that song has a way of becoming the soundtrack for an adventure I never saw coming.
I don't want to miss that for anything.
~Poppins
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