Thank you, Jesus.

Today was one whirlwind of a day~ Crazy misunderstanding with a friend that came out of nowhere and was upsetting... fussy baby girl... failed credit card attempt... enjoyable ride out to the middle of nowhere with an old friend... greeted out in the middle of nowhere by tons of people... played legos with an adorable little boy and his sis... drove home exhausted but still willing to sing real loud... stopped for Chinese... entered an empty house... took a shower and wrote furiously fast in the steam on the walls... and here we are :)

I sit here, just marveling at this day. The crazy day that has almost come to a close. I truly felt almost every emotion possible... Anger, joy, relief, sadness, excitement, surprise, guilt, thankfulness, peace, love, fear, anticipation, awe, disappointment, remorse, love... I felt all of these today... and as I was marveling... I began to sing. It's funny (or not so funny... more like divine) how God chooses to place the words of a song in my mouth and heart at just the right time...

"Behold the Man upon a cross, My sin upon His shoulders,
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice, Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there, Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life, I know that it is finished"
~How Deep the Father's Love for Us.

I love this song. I love it because it always gets me thinking... thinking that I know I take the cross of Christ for granted... Thinking that I am too callous regarding His love for me. I have always believed in the Lord. I cannot remember a single day of my life that I have not been aware of the fact that God created the world. Man is born a sinner. Sinner needs salvation to reconcile oneself to God. Sinner cannot do this on his own. Sinner needs a Savior. Jesus is that Savior. Jesus bore my sin on the cross, died that I might live. I have always believed these truths. I have also always considered myself a passionate person. Passionate about what God chose to do in my heart, a transformation so ornate and beautiful it can hardly be put into words. But as I sat there, pondering the emotions in my day... I couldn't help but think I can always use more passion for the Creator of the skies, the seas, the land, the trees, the people I am around every single day. Passion of what I have been saved from. Yes, knowing Christ my whole life has "saved" me from various sins. I have never been drunk or high, I don't cuss, I plan to wear a white dress on my wedding day in every way, I will be faithful to my husband, etc..... I am in so many ways a goodie two shoes. The sins we see as "major" in our finite minds- these sins I was saved from committing and have also been saved from the guilt that they carry.
But I think one of the big truths that I have missed lately- is that I wasn't just saved from doing those things- I have been saved and forgiven by the sins I commit daily, hourly, multiple times in a minute. I am a sinner, and I need a Savior. My sin is just as detestable to God's holiness as any other's. The sins of discontentment, fear, pride, worldliness, greed, selfishness, impatience, anger.... The sins that the Savior hung on the cross for, the sins that I need to hate. These sins, I wash over, I disregard, I ignore. I don't hate them enough to realize how big His love is. I don't appreciate the cross the way I need to.
CJ Mahaney struck me when he said this in "The Gospel Centered Life."
"As we watch Jesus pray in agony in Gethsemane, He has every right to turn His tearful eyes toward you and me and shout, "This is your cup. You're responsible for this. It's your sin! You drink it." This cup should rightfully be thrust into my hand and yours. Instead, Jesus freely takes it Himself... so that from the cross He can look down at you and me, whisper our names, and say "I drain this cup for you- for you have lived in defiance of Me, who have hated Me, who have opposed Me. I drink it all... for you." This is what our sin makes necessary. This is what's required by your pride, by your selfishness and my selfishness, by your disobedience and my disobedience. Behold Him... behold His suffering... and recognize His love."
Praying for a deeper hate of my sin, and a greater, more passionate love and appreciation for my Savior!