My Heart.

"I want to know You... let Your Spirit overwhelm me... let Your presence overtake my heart."

My heart... here it is, Jesus. Overtake it. Overtake it so I have nothing left to seep out of every pore but YOU.

I love You.

don't keep it a secret!

I was burdened today with the truth that sharing our stories is GOOD. Sharing our stories provides hope, shares peace, proves faithfulness and provokes genuinity. So, for today, I simply challenge you... share your story. Let Jesus shine through YOUR darkness, and bring HIS light.

What do YOU notice?

Here's a few things I added to my notice journal today...

1. I love the excitement in making definite plans that go on a calendar.
2. I love getting mail that wasn't expected.
3. I love how lotion has an uncanny way of relieving some stress.
4. I love new recipes that turn out amazing.
5. I love bright pink sharpies.
6. I love watching dirt go down the drain when I wash my dirty hands.
7. I love the smell of the lab after all the benches have been wiped down.
8. I love the meticulous chore of recording results of a lab test.
9. I love when the the curtains slightly sway in the wind of an open window.
10. I love texts from friends I haven't heard from in a while.
11. I love big, thick books that prove I've studied hard.
12. I love when my head hurts after a challenging theology class.
13. I love when boys feet are big, but the rest of the body hasn't caught up yet.
14. I love the JOY on a child's face when you surprise them with a cupcake.
15. I love the simplicity of singing a song for Jesus' ears.

What did YOU notice today?

Dear Husband,

I am praying for you today. My heart is yearning to know you, to be with you, to love you. My heart is filled with hope and joy at the thought of one day spending the rest of my life with you. I am ready to fall asleep in your arms, do dishes after a meal spent with you, communicate and fight for our relationship through tough times, sing to our babies as we both watch them sleep, spend endless hours just studying your handsome face, read God's Word with you, grow in our love for Christ together, get dressed up and go out for a night on the town, cuddle on the couch in pj's, have you rock me when I'm sick, pray over each other, speak life into our generation still waiting for love, never let a night pass without kissing you goodnight, submit to your authority, come alongside you as we raise a family to love and praise Jesus.
I am ready... and God is good. I know He will direct my steps and guide my life in such a way that I will meet you and fall in love with you at exactly the right time. Excited for the future with you, Husband. I am praying for you today.
Love,
Your Alyssa

Friends:)

Sometimes they know EXACTLY what you need. Sometimes it's as simple as a hug, other times its a well planned girl's day....

And sometimes it's the words, "I love you."

Thankful this morning for friends that know EXACTLY what you need.

Waiting is hard, but Waiting is GOOD.

I could try to justify my impatience, but the truth is this: I hate waiting. Waiting drives me crazy; it seems so pointless sometimes.
That kind of impatience leads to the occasional holy nudge to slow down and realize something particularly wonderful: God speaks to me in my waiting. So far, some of the most beautiful moments I've spent with Him have happened while I'm just waiting.
So much of my time is spent waiting. I waited for high school to end so college to start. Not even a semester into college, I started daydreaming about that glorious day when college would be over and I never, ever have to take another multiple choice test. Now I'm waiting for love. I spend quite a bit of time thinking about how fun it will be to be married, because I'm still waiting for the sweet, wonderful man of God to be placed in my life.
I live for carpe diem opportunities~ days when I spin into a whirlwind of busy fun chaos, not weeks and months that require patience and waiting. Despite my "peek at Christmas presents under the tree" mentality, God is patiently teaching my some lovely truths about my wait.
The first is this: I can wait with anticipation, not anxiety, on what He has promised me in His Word. "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength." Isaiah 40:31a. My deepest hopes and desires were laced into my heart by God. His plan for me is a good plan that provides and brings hope. Even when I think my story is at a lull, He's working all things together for our good. His Sovereignty is like a rope pulling me through all that muddy insecurity and loneliness that comes from a long wait. When I look at all those stories about people in the Bible who were frustrated by waiting, the end result is always the same: God is faithful.
The second thing is this: He still works through me in my waiting. Ironically, some of my favorite pieces of spontaneous music to Jesus in the last year happened when I was sitting in an empty classroom preparing for anatomy. I always think I have to be somewhere beautiful to sing: somewhere near an ocean or in a cabin up in the mountains. Sunsets over the water always inspire song. But so does the sun reflecting off the spinning rims of a purple car just outside a classroom. Even when I feel stuck, there's still plenty of beautiful things in my life. I just have to watch and see.
And finally~ and this one is really hard for me~ God is teaching me what it means to be a woman of resolve and not give up when the wait seems really long. I've been reading the book of Ruth (again); She was no stranger to waiting and uncertainty. There's a scene in the beginning I find particularly convicting. Ruth, Orpah, and Naomi were all on the road to Judah, the land where God was providing for His people. When doubts started to sizzle and pop, (just as they do for me when the road seems totally unclear), Orpah gave up, turned around and walked back to Moab.
In many situations, I have the same choice those women did: I can be the girl who runs back, who couldn't wait, who wouldn't move forward because the answers weren't crystal clear. Or I can be the girl of resolve, who keeps moving ahead, even when the wait is long, because I'm confident in God's provision.
Some of the brightest and most beautiful moments in a lifetime come at the end of a long wait~ graduations, great jobs, marriage, motherhood, traveling, missions trips. I am a work in progress, too, and God is always at work in me, always knitting together the details of the woman He has called me to be.
I haven't been forgotten, left out, or left behind. "Wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." I want to lock arms with Jesus and move forward with Him, running ahead even when everyone else gives up. And if He asks me to wait, I'll wait and let Him work in me through that part of the journey, too.

In His hands, even the wait becomes something beautiful.

LOVE.

Yet another season is about to begin... it's called the second semester of college.

The first semester of college held a lot of unknowns. Lots of surprises. Lots of "I don't know what just hit me" moments. But semester two is filled with familiarity. Granted, there are new classes, new professors, and an entirely new schedule. But I've found my niche. I know where I belong, what I'm meant to do, and who I'm meant to do it with. With that said, it will be a wild ride once again. There's always something new to learn, new people to meet, new places to see. So it's with great enthusiasm that I enter this new season. I also have a goal this semester. I know this might sound supremely un-original and cliche... but it's simply to LOVE.

LOVE.

I truly believe our culture has lost sight of what it means to truly LOVE. I went through a season where I didn't think love was needed. I believed that believing and walking with Jesus meant rebuking sin, reading my Bible and nothing else, staying away from those who did not believe as I did. Well, I have learned that there is a time and a place for each of those things. I have had my fair share of confrontations with younger girls who needed a rebuking. I still read my Bible, and consider it the most precious, valuable part of my day. There have been countless times when I needed to be surrounded by Bible-believing Christians and no one else.

I was leaving out something.

LOVE.

This semester, I am reaching out. I want to get beyond my walls, my life, my boundaries. I want to LOVE in new ways. I live in an environment suffocated by fears and toxic lies. I want Jesus to show those bruised, hurting hearts that they have the freedom to dance and sing before Him. To run to Him, to find solace and comfort in Him. To give everything to Him.

LOVE.

In so many ways, this semester is a new beginning. I have a completely different outlook. I am filled with joy at the thought of hearts being claimed for His glory and purpose. I am filled with joy at the thought of walking into a room and spreading the LOVE of Jesus all over. I am filled with joy that when I am following my Savior, allowing Him to mold me into the woman HE wants me to be... I have the ability to LOVE.

LOVE.

SO excited for the next few months. Let's love, friends. Let's love like Jesus.

LOVE,
Alyssa

Simplicity.

Sometimes all the world needs is simplicity... the ability to slow down and take life as it comes.

This is what the kids and I did last night.

NO agenda.

It was wonderful.

We sat on the couch all evening long and watched movies.

We didn't go out for dinner.

We didn't take an ice cream run.

We didn't play tag or board games.

We didn't have any educational time.

We didn't clean up.

We didn't go in the hot tub.

We didn't practice instruments.

We didn't read.

We simply watched movies.

ALL.NIGHT.LONG.

While I love the kitchen cleaning, cookie baking, sweetspot running, red robin eating, piano practicing, board game playing, spelling word mastering, hot tub going, science fiction reading days....

Last night was simply perfect.

Medical Mantra.

I have a problem.

It's bad.

What is this problem, you ask???

I am completely taken with the medical world.

Why is this a problem???

Well, because my little brain now only thinks in medical terms.

Slicing steak for dinner?? WRONG.

I am dissecting a dead cow's muscular region near it's tail.

My friend gets a papercut??? WRONG.

She endured a wound to the subcutaneous level of her skin.

It's my little sis' birthday??? WRONG.

It is the anniversary of her entering the world covered in blood and amniotic fluid.

The list could go on an on... It's getting bad, my friends.

But you know what???

I'm SO okay with it :)

If the World is a Stage...

I'm sure everyone has heard Shakespeare's famous line, "All the world is a stage." I've been thinking about that phrase lately.
This might seem odd coming from my "love-to-be-on-stage" self... but I decided a long time ago that if LIFE were really a stage, I would be the sets girl. I'd be the one in the background who paints the trees and shrubs. I'd be the girl who isn't exactly essential to the storyline- the girl who doesn't get a curtain call at the end or a bundle of roses to take home. I'd be the most infamously unfamous of them all, because I seriously can't think of a more normal girl than yours truly.
But even this very normal girl sometimes loves to capture the attention of someone. If I'm not careful, instead of just looking at my Father and being satisfied with His approval, I start looking for it in other people.
That's what I think Shakespeare meant. I think he meant you and I have a tendency to go through life trying our hardest to win somebody's approval. It might be the guy with the sweet smile two rows over, the sorority girls during rush week, the campus ministry group that seems just a little bit cooler and more elite than the rest. Sometimes even sacrificing our reputations can start to seem like a small price to pay just to belong.
I've learned that sometimes my quest for approval, even when I win it, is the coldest curtain call of them all.
Humility doesn't mean putting yourself down. It DOES mean taking a step back and realizing the amazing potential our lives can pack when we live them for the glory of our Jesus. Fame is only a shabby substitute for belonging: a sad, desperate attempt by a fallen world to fill the hole in our hearts that God wants to fill.
I wonder if instead of making a name for ourselves, our heart's desire is to really leave a legacy. God notices humility, because humble people have a tendency to think about other people's needs. People who live lives of genuine humility somehow reflect the kindness and goodness of God. Take my best friend, for example.
Caitlin gave up most of her weekday evenings to study with me. If you knew my friend, this wouldn't surprise you. Cait isn't an upfront, in-your-face kind of girl. She's a smart, talented, hilarious 20 year old with huge blue eyes. She COULD be center stage if she wanted. But that never seems to be her desire.
Instead, she handled all the studying techniques like a seasoned pro, making notecards and quizzing me until the wee hours of the morning. She was my voice of sanity when I had my crazy moments. She wrote a new song, and sang to me all the time. She prayed over the studying, and held my hand through the crippling fear that I would get "yet another C on an exam."
She didn't walk around telling people how tired she was or how much she'd done. Not only did this past semester confirm that I have the most wonderful nursing buddy ever, but her example helped me see what true humility looks like.
Cait doesn't need a standing ovation or a crazy amount of applause. She doesn't have any grand delusions of fame, because she just wants to worship Jesus through her life in the best way she can. Knowing that her heavenly Jesus is proud is the only audience Caitlin needs.
God has reminded me of some tremendously good news lately. We don't have to earn His love. In fact, we CAN'T earn it. We don't have to score lists of awards and accolades. Your God loves you unconditionally, and His love is permanent. Nothing you can do will make Him love you less. "I have loved you with an everlasting love." Jeremiah 31:3. He says His banner flies over us; His protection surrounds us, and His dreams for us are good dreams.
You already have the approval of a King who would move heaven and earth just to be near you. We don't have to perform for anybody anymore. Just do it all for Him and give Him the glory. When you DO have to take center stage, take it in confidence, knowing the good work He started in you is a good work He'll finish. The same God who called the most inspiring parts of creation "good" is enthralled by you.
I remember doing a Thanksgiving day play when I was little. Even though I had only one line, I was petrified in front of so many people. Dressed like a miniature pilgrim, I gripped the cardboard cake in my hands and took a deep breath... and noticed something. I saw my dad, standing in the back of the room, with a big smile on his face. Just seeing him suddenly filled me with courage. I smiled, hoisted my fake cake in the air and yelled, "I made the cake!"
He beamed, gave me a thumbs up and clapped his hands the loudest when it was over. I felt as if I'd won an academy award.
Your God is already taken with you. Keep your eyes on Him and know this: Even when the rest of the world thinks you're painfully ordinary, He's overwhelmed with pride just to call you His.