Gratitude Challenge: Day Sixteen

Today, I'm thankful for my deeper story.

The story that God has so perfectly crafted and deep rooted in Himself.

When I was in high school, the words "deeper story" would have scared and intimidated me. Deeper story? Your deeper stories might be scandalous, heartbreaking, dark and brooding. I couldn't relate with them, didn't understand them, and generally wanted to pretend they didn't exist. Back then, deeper stories highlighted the fact that I didn't think I had one.

My stories were never very deep. At least, that's what I used to think. I longed for shiny and happy, for Bible study conversation and movie nights and safe fun. When I stepped foot onto my college campus my freshman year, I ended up with a beautiful best friend who bled deep stories. I watched as hurting women seemed to flock to her to share their own. People were drawn to her brokenness. Strength is made perfect in weakness. Relationship is more compelling than admiration. I have seen the blessing that comes from bringing small cups of water to Jesus. He does miracle things with the offering, no matter how small.

Here is my deeper story, my small offering.

I have spent a lot of my life thinking it is not okay for me to have a deeper story. I thought I had to be whole, to be right, to hold myself together in order to be loved. I never thought that for each of you, however. YOUR stories of loss, heartache, insecurity, and pain just made me love you that much more. But not me. If my story sounded like your story, I would not be okay. And I spent a good portion of my school years making sure my story never sounded like your story.

I followed the rules.
I colored in the lines.
I waited on the bench.
I played it safe.

But not really. True safety only comes from a life hidden in the safe place of Christ. I was living hidden behind the shaky curtain of performance, and it was an exhausting, fake place to live.

I didn't understand that grace doesn't have corners. I didn't how that I had to ever present opportunity to rest deeply in the limitlessness of His love. The past year and a half has been spent exploring purposefully in the waters of beautiful grace given by amazing amazing God. He chose me to be a part of His kingdom. He chose me.

So today, I am thankful for my deeper story. I'm thankful that Jesus continues to give grace to the "good girl" who could never quite be good enough, the girl who knew she should be better, the girl who feared her deeper story.

The girl He loved. The girl He loves.

P.S. He loves you, too. A LOT.

Love,
Lyss :)