Defensive.

I have been guilty of attempting to take up my own cause.

There are moments when I live for micromanaging my own reputation, forgetting to let God be completely in control of how others perceive who I am.

I'm learning, though =] I'm learning to let go of what other's think of me. To let lies and unnecessary negativity roll away from me.

Still, it's not easy. Especially when lies are spread and opinions have no real backing. I'd rather run around like a crazy woman letting everyone know that I'm not what he/she thinks of me... that my sum total is better, more laudable. But that is pointless. It expends energy I should be expending for Jesus and His kingdom. I wonder how much time I've wasted trying to manage my reputation when I should be serving my Creator and letting opinions stay as they are.

Convicting.

By the grace of God, I am learning the beauty of silence. There were several occasions where Jesus chose to remain completely silent. His connection and communication with His Father was so perfect and without flaw that He knew He lives for the Audience of One, not the audience of the crowd. Oh, how my heart longs to live like that!

This quote has been such an encouragement to my heart, as I daily ask for guidance in developing a posture of silence and trust:

"There is a place of stillness that allows God the opportunity to work in us and give us peace. It is a stillness that ceases our scheming self-vindication, and the search for a temporary means to an end through our own wisdom and judgement. Instead, it gives God complete control, in His unfailing and faithful love, of the cruel blow we have suffered. Oh how often we thwart God's intervention on our behalf by taking up our own cause or by striking a blow in our own defense. May God grant each of us a silent, humble power and submissive spirit." ~A.B. Simpson

My heart is safe in the arms of a God who loves me with an unconditional, perfect love.

You and I get to rest in that. Amazing.

You are loved,
Lyss