take heart

I'm already in tears and the first sentence hasn't even been completed. 
Friends, this post has been long-awaited. I have anticipated it's arrival with great joy and great excitement. It's a huge HUGE deal. 
There have been tears. There has been silence. There has been challenges. There has been opposition.There has also been perfect peace, rest, and victory. Sweet, sweet victory. 
Let me back up a bit. Give you some background. 
She has deep brown eyes and the sweetest little dimples. She has been broken and hurt and bullied, yet has remained eagerly ready to learn how to listen and balance and love. She is absolutely beautiful in both body and soul, and she is one of my most favorite people ever created.  I see good in her heart for a million and more miles, and I love watching her chambers beat hard and fast after God's. She is what good women are made of. 
Is it any wonder that when I met her scared and lonely and confused self...
...and I saw the turmoil raging in her heart
... and I heard the lies being poured out over her
... and I saw the mental, physical, and spiritual repercussions of battling without armor
... is it any wonder that I actually imagined taking the devil by the collar and throwing him across some big imaginary field so he could never attempt to steal, lie, or hurt again? 
I spent many months with her simply consoling, speaking of grace and what Jesus has for those who suffer well. But internally, there were many times where my oven was at the burnt bread level. 
I watched her, day after day, slip her tiny arm under her messenger bag and head out into the world. and my mind just reeled at how much I have to learn. Jesus made no bones about the trouble we have coming in this world.
"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."   What does that even look like?? 
Take heart. 
I can tell you that at the beginning of this year, neither of us really knew. But I knew something had to be done. 
Her world was flat. I mean really, really flat. Flat in color, flat in song, flat in hope. There was a lot of hurt, a lot of anger, and a lot of sorrow. Heart-wrenching sobs and apathy came in waves, darkness heavy and scary. There were several long nights of continuous pleading with Jesus, and several nights where the only option seemed to be sleep. She was deep in a pit. It was unrelenting. 
And it was time she got out. 
So I began to explore on her behalf.
Take heart.   
How do I do that, in the midst of incredible suffering. What am I saying to my sister when I ask her to cling tightly to Jesus? 
As I sorted through the world, and walked so closely with her as she began to come back to life and into His arms... I discovered that there are two ways to handle suffering. 
One way leads to abundant life. 
and the other way??
It has the sting of death all over it. 
__________

... I'm on a bench outside now. I took a break for a while, picked up my laptop, and headed outside. The shadow around me is a tree, and I have a notebook. There's a bush just right here where bees kiss the sweet nectar all over. It smells of cinnamon sugar and autumn. It sounds like the calming whir of hummingbirds and weed-eater. There's boys in the street boarding, and two little wee ones are having a hula hoop contest. I'm laughing. The sun is sweet, and the breeze is making everything sway just a little. There's just the right amount of quiet. 
As I get older, and I encounter more and more people, hear more and more stories, I know more.  I know more of the crumpled-heart, those who never feel full, those who labor with no fruit, those who feel betrayed and worthless and looked over. 
She was just like that, you know. I met her, and she was knee deep in it. I could see how deep she had fallen into the hopelessness that comes from the trouble of the world. 
Take heart. 
If Jesus Himself told us that we can expect trouble, then we better believe it's coming. 
If Jesus Himself told us that we can take heart, because He has already overcome the world, then we better take it. 
It's the choice to suffer in a way that shouts victory. 
Take heart. 
Because if you don't take it, you'll lose it. 
Now right about here is the point where I would love to bold bullet point some amazing step-by-step instructions, but I have none. 
But there is one hard, beautiful truth that has wrapped itself around and around the both of us during this year. It was there, working it's grace and it's beauty and it's freedom before we even realized it. 
It may sound like the worst of news, but to me? to her? 
It is Salvation. 
I am crucified with Christ, and I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me. 
Jesus lives in me. He lives in her. and if He has called you to Himself, then He lives in YOU, too. Try to wrap your brain around that one. 
Friends, I watched her this year. Believe me when I say her life was a mess. 
Her life was marked by discontentment, fear, and bondage. 
But then Jesus. 
Jesus moved her into unknown territory, and she became a warrior. A courageous warrior because she knew it was He who moved her and He who had overcome. 
At several points over the last year, she would look at me and say "I wish I weren't so weak." 
But in that VERY weakness, I watched in awe as Jesus began to remind her of her worth, of her power, of her beauty. 
It's a funny thing how trials seem to lead us straight into His arms, into an honest way of peace. The weak pit of her soul, the empty places, the crying out places... they became the place from  which she began to renounce the lies and SHOUT the truth that HE LIVES in her. 
Just imagine her dry bones standing up, fighting back.   That's what happened this year. 
It happened 365 days ago, when my sweet little sister said NO to an eating disorder. 
It happened when she decided that her body was a temple and she was not bound to the lies of the devil, but rather she is a vessel of holiness created perfectly and with extreme care. 
365 days of choosing to eat. 365 days of choosing not to throw up. 365 days of training her body.   Friends, she has a long way to go. I'm not blind to that, and neither is she. 
But today? We're celebrating. 
Because 365 days is a LONG TIME. And she made it. She is healthy. and she is filled with joy. 
So why write about it? 
The answer is simple. To be a voice of the gospel, to confess that there is struggle and doubt and disobedience and terribly broken hearts involved when you decide to follow Jesus. 
But I know I can speak for the both of us when I say this: 
Take heart, sisters. I believe that it's true that He lives in you. All these little deaths we die are just sweet, straight avenues right into His arms. Don't miss it. Take heart. It's a stone-real fact that the very essence of Jesus Christ indwells you. 
Every kind of courage and peace and triumph is in Him, and He has overcome the word.   Guess what that means?? 
It means that courage, peace, and triumph lives in you, too. 
Will you believe it? 
Take heart.   Oh, and baby sister? You're a rockstar. Happy I-have-overcome-an-eating-disorder anniversary.  
P.S.  If you are struggling with an eating disorder, I beg you to tell someone. Don't let yourself battle alone. If you want to hear more of Caitlin's story, or chat with her more about her journey out of bulimia and into freedom, I encourage you to email her! cpeterss26@aol.com