yes.

2014 changed my life. 
2014 took everything I knew, everything I thought I wanted, everything I had dreamed, everything I had cried over, everything I longed for. 2014 took it. and 2014 flipped it upside down, viciously shook it, then somehow set it upright again. 
2014 changed my life. 
2014 was the year I moved out. Not just moved out, but moved IN. Moved into stability, moved into grace, and moved into peace. Moved into a home marked by Holy Spirit love and Jesus contentment. 
2014 was the year I stepped down from a five year commitment serving in the kid's wing at church. 
2014 was the year my dear friend Emma got married. 
2014 was the year I said "absolutely yes" when a handsome boy named Brett asked me to be his girlfriend. (remember this blog post? it makes me laugh). 
2014 was the year my biological parents told me they were getting a divorce. 
2014 was the year I realized that being a big sister is even better than being a princess. 
2014 was the year my best friend Rebecca got engaged. 
2014 was the year God made it clear I would go into psychiatric nursing, coming alongside those who are forgotten and stigmatized. 
2014 was the year I claimed belonging. 
2014 was the year that truth was exposed and darkness was brought into the light. 
2014 was the year I met Cindy and the year I met Michelle, two women who fiercely loved me and championed my heart. 
2014 was the year I was bombarded with tragic stories, death, and emotionally impossible situations.
2014 was the first time that holidays were met with excitement and there were too many people to count present at the dinner table. 
2014 was the year I began an extremely hard, extremely valuable healing process that drew me straight to the heart of Jesus, asking Him to mend the broken pieces of my soul. 
2014 was the year my bosses bought me a Disneyland ticket for Christmas and I almost cried. 
2014 was the year I went to bed at 10 o'clock on New Year's Eve.  ... Oh wait {just kidding} I do that every year. 
2014 was wild. 
and 2014 changed my life. 
I look ahead at 2015, and I wait with great anticipation to see how God will move and shake. 
2015 is going to change my life. 
It's going to be the year of "YES." 
I woke up this morning fully immersed in the Holy Spirit's desire for me this year. 
It's a yes year. 
I'm kind of known for "no." 
No, you can't. No, that's not a good idea. No, put that away. No, I'm not going. No, let's not. No, not now. 
And those are solely the ones directed to others. No one can know of the ones I speak only to myself, about myself, for myself. 
No, you can't be that. No, you can't do that. No good, no chance, no hope. 
Or how about the ones I try to veil, the ones I shamefully stomp at God? 
No, I don't want this! No, I'm not doing that! No, don't change this! No, leave that alone! No, don't ask this of me!
What we speak to others is what we speak to ourselves. And what we speak to ourselves is what we then speak to God. 
I have wrecked two whole decades with that two letter "no" that falls so easily from the end of my tongue, steady drip like a faulty tap. With two letters of the heavy iron, I've crushed. I've crushed hope, dreams, desires. 
True, it's the mantra of national campaigns. "just say no" is a part of every high school routine.  True, it's what is suggested we learn to say in an effort to simplify our lives in the face of constant demands on time. "Learn to say no", they say.  True, it's necessary and vital that we choose "no" in regard to sin and in regard to darkness and in regard to evil. 
But I woke up this morning, thinking back on 2014, and I know this is the year. 
I am done with "no." 
This is the year of yes. 
Yes, as in: 
"Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure." Luke 10:21 "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." John 21:16 "For no matter how many promises God has made, they are 'yes' in Christ." 2 Corinthians 1:20
This is the year of yes. 
Yes, let this moment be just as You intend it.  Yes, Your will be done. Not mine.  Yes, you have my whole heart. For my whole life. 
This is the year of yes. 
Yes, He made me and designed me. Perfectly! Yes, I can try!  Yes, be creative!  Yes, laugh! Yes, give it a whirl! Yes, it's really okay! Don't be afraid!
This is the year of yes. 
It's the year that I will kneel down and peer into eager faces and say, "Yes, you can!" and "Yes, that's a brilliant idea!" and "Yes, you can make that dream a reality!" 
Yes, honor. Yes, love. Yes, submit. 
Every command of "thou shalt not" ultimately is a simultaneous "yes" to Christ. 
So I choose yes. 
For every no, I will find the yes. and I will be glad in it. 
I slip out of bed and into a fresh new year. 
Into the year of yes.