Four days ago, I sat in a meeting that changed the course of my life forever.
I almost didn't go. and then my boss said, "It's really important to me that you be there."
So I went. Mostly for my boss.
I walked away and stepped into the most exhausting, terrifying, rewarding, revealing couple of days.
I had a massive decision to make, and I didn't even know where to begin.
I have spent countless hours in tears, countless hours in worship, and countless hours in processing.
and after pouring over three open doors, three ridiculously good decisions, and three places where my heart seems to fit perfectly, I have come to a decision and am preparing to walk through a door.
Chris and Erin, for as long as you need me it would be my privilege and honor to run with you as you continue to pursue with excellence all that is in your hearts.
See, here's the thing.
I am not brave.
I like safety. I like control. I like comfort.
But I said YES to Jesus at the beginning of this year, and I meant it. I didn't know where it would take me, but I knew that I couldn't live another day for myself, in my safe "be careful" world. I didn't know that saying YES would bring me to this crossroads, a journey of wild obedience and endless possibility.
But it has.
There has never been a wild thing about me. Not my hair, not my clothes, not my lifestyle. I mean, I go to bed at 9pm. I have always lived a calculated, well-planned, safe life.
But now, I'm tucking a God-sized yes under my belt.
I am terrified. and yet I am at peace.
I don't need more courage to live out my faith. I don't need more bravery.
I just need peace to look fear in the face and discover that His love is the cure for what scares me.
Whether it's losing my life for the sake of the gospel or dying to my wayward flesh, I am choosing to let fear strengthen me. Fear is a present weakness; but it is also a catalyst to keep saying yes.
I turned down a job offer today. and accepted another one in the same breath.
You must know, I'm scared to death. But I have peace in my fear.
"Give up yourself, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it. Submit to death; death of your ambitions and wishes and death of your whole body. Submit with every fiber of your being, and you will find eternal life." - C.S. Lewis
Fear isn't just uncertainty wrapped up in the unknown. When we peel back the laters, we discover a lack of trust and a loss of control. That's the root of fear.
Our yes to God should scare us.
Not to keep us immobile, but to keep us dependent on the One who asks us to say it in the first place.
Fear keeps us moving towards the Father.
The times I have been most afraid in my life- exposing lies I believed throughout my childhood, stepping into a patient's room for the first time, saying no to security and yes to a God-sized dream- these are the moments when I have felt most alive.
We think playing it safe and living within our comfort zone is the way to feel alive. But when we get dirt under our nails and follow Jesus into risky places, this is where we realize that our comfort was actually slowly killing our joy.
Yes, there is fear in obedience. But peace will keep me on the journey.
And the joy that follows our yes to God? It's wild.
I don't know what scares you today, what keeps you up at night, clinging to comfort. But can I encourage you to be brave today??
Make that phone call. Ask or receive forgiveness. Send that email.
Do something that scares you just a little. Go a little deeper.
Be brave today.
"I commend to you our sister, Phoebe, who is a servant of the church which is at Cenchrea; that you receive her in the Lord in a manner worthy of the saints, and that you help her in whatever matter she may have need of you; for she herself has also been a helper of many, and of myself as well." Romans 16:1-2.
Phoebe. I'd never heard of her until my third semester of nursing school when I knew I wasn't going to be a "traditional" hospital nurse. I'd never heard of her, but here she was, praised by Paul, listed not only as a helper to many, but also a servant. The Greek word used in this passage for helper is the word "prostatis", which means, "a woman set over others" or "caring for the affairs of others and aiding them with her resources."
This Phoebe?? She had influence. She had respect. She was able to use her resources to care for others, and viewed as a leader. She had a servant's heart.
My study Bible makes this comment regarding Phoebe: "Even wealth, position, and influence do not relieve a woman of the responsibility of humble service."
Humble service. I read this passage two years ago, and I began to ask myself a few questions.
As a nurse, how can I use my resources to best serve my community?
As a daughter, how can I use what God has given me to best care for my family?
As a co-worker, how can I use my talents to lift up those around me and offer words of encouragement?
As a writer, how can I use my words to bring glory to God?
I would rather live life as a humble servant than life with a heart made heavy with selfishness. I would rather find myself in a position of prostatis than position myself above others. It is in those Phoebe moments, when He uses me anonymously, selflessly, and humbly that I find myself filled with the most joy.
In light of this, it is with deep joy and humble gratitude that I step into my dream job.
I will be a public health nurse on the Nurse-Family Partnership Team.
A job description that reads as follows: "part nurse, part social-worker, part mental health counselor, part mom, and part best friend."
This feels like a Phoebe moment.
and may there be many more Phoebe moments to come as I come alongside beautiful women and beautiful children and tell them what has been true since the day they were born: they are capable, they are worthy, and they are loved.
Alyssa, RN, PHN. Couldn't be more excited if I tried.
