freedom.

2015. What a wild year. 

It was the year I almost quit school. I was in over my head, run down, and exhausted. 

It was the year I didn't quit school. I kept on. 

It was the year my favorite Rebecca got married. 

It was the year I graduated from Simpson University with a Bachelor's of Science in Nursing. 

It was the year my family and friends planned a surprise trip to New York City full of broadway shows and taxi rides and incredible food. 

It was the year we stayed up until midnight on Mother's day painting the bathroom gold. 

It was the year I took NCLEX; it was the year I found out on my birthday that I had passed. 

It was the year I moved out of the home that taught me what a healthy marriage looked like, what unconditional love looked like, and what boundaries looked like. 

It was the year I moved into my little house on the hill, with its gorgeous hardwood floors and grey walls. 

It was the year one of my most favorite moms planned a birthday tea party for me and one of my dearest friends. 

It was the year I dated a boy named Christian. Before we went our separate ways, he taught me about gentleness and sensitivity and healthy conflict resolution. 

It was the year I met Darsy Claire for the first time, my sweet friend's first baby. 

It was the year my five-year friend Caitlin found out she was pregnant with a baby boy. 

It was the year I found myself in Disneyland a handful of times, each time just as magical. 

It was the year we saw Amy Schumer live. 

It was the year I travelled to Hawaii with my second family. We ziplined. We ate fruit. Lots of fruit. We saw Waimea Canyon. We ate the best fish. We sat by the pool. 

It was the year I met Anna and Victoria. Oh man, these girls. I just love them. I've learned so much from them about communication, about trust, about perseverance, about letting go. 

It was the year I started planning a Disneyworld trip for 2016!

It was the year I pulled my boss's son out of school for the day, and we went to the snow. 

It was the year I became a full time personal assistant. and it was the year I realized this was the best decision I've ever made. 

It was the year I watched countless children grow another year older, a sensation I both mourn and celebrate. 

It was the year I started spending time with Doug and Michelle every week, two people who were pivotal in championing my heart and my dreams. 

It was the year I became a little less independent, saying yes to help when necessary. 

It was the year Erin held me as I cried, and I heard her heartbeat, a moment permanently seared into my brain. 

It was the year I experienced Jesus in a new way; the year I believed Him. 

2015 changed my life. Just like 2014 did. Just like 2016 will. 

Every year, I pick a word. For the month of December, I ask Jesus what He has for me in the upcoming months.

In 2010, my word was jubilee. I learned to celebrate milestones and embrace victories. 

In 2011, my word was cling. I learned to hold tightly to truth, to hope, and to His promises. 

In 2012, my word was disciple. I learned to teach, to proclaim, to learn. 

In 2013, my word was abide. I learned what it meant to rest with Jesus. 

In 2014, my word was contentment. I learned to lean into the wild love of God, to lean humbly and confidently into it's bigness. 

In 2015, my word was yes. I learned that every no is simultaneously a YES to something, to someone. and I found that yes last year. I chose my "yes" well. 

This year? I struggled with this year. What do You have for me, Father? What do I declare over 2016?

It wasn't until late one night this week that it was crystal clear: 

Freedom. 

/ˈfrēdəm/

noun. 

- the state of not being imprisoned or enslaved.

You guys, that definition makes me cry the ugly cry. I am not imprisoned. I am not enslaved. 

I have often pictured God’s will for my life like a thin, definitive line. A tightrope I must walk carefully and with the utmost caution. One wrong step and I'll surely fall. And when I do, I'll mess up my future forever.

But this year, I'm going to experience freedom. I'm going to live in freedom like I never have before. Because when we come to know Jesus, our life is not a tightrope but a wide, open space of grace. We have so much room to breathe, to grow, to learn. He knows we are human. He knows we will take detours, face obstacles, and make mistakes. If He were committed to using only those of us who never stray, then no human would ever be part of His plan.

The fear of not getting it just right can paralyze me. I stand with my toes on that imaginary tightrope, perfectly still, and I miss out on so much of what could be. I miss the invitation from the One calling me to His side.

I'm done missing out. I'm saying YES to the wild journey. 

I was made to move in grace, to act in freedom- not to be held in place by fear. I am guided by love and by a Father who can redirect me as many times as needed. I only need to be willing to follow His voice. He will do the rest. Life is meant to be a glorious adventure, not merely a test of survival. 

So what does this look like? What does freedom practically look like this year? In 2016? For the rest of my life?

To be honest, I'm not entirely sure. But I have a few ideas.

Laughing out loud. 

Investing in healthy relationships. 

Spontaneous dance parties. 

Sitting outside, book in hand. 

A nap.

Asking for help. 

Road trips. 

Making mistakes, and beginning again. 

Grace spread out like a picnic and God handing me a paper plate.

I had a friend tell me once: "Lyss, freedom given isn't complete. It’s only when you receive it, enjoy it, give thanks for it that becomes fully ours."

I receive you, freedom. I'm going to enjoy you. I'm so thankful that Jesus gave me you. 

I was not made to walk a tightrope.

I was made to dance.

And it’s not about getting the steps right.

Instead it’s all about being close to my Partner.

Here we go, 2016. Freedom awaits.