Dreaming.......

My Perfect Day:

The weather: It’s cold, but not raining. The sun is shining, but there are clouds.

I would wake up at 8:30 with the heater on and music coming from the living room… Jim Brickman. One of his piano CD’s. I would walk out, wearing fuzzy socks and my favorite pj pants with the cool satin ribbon at the top… and my mom would have blueberry coffee cake just out of the oven. Our family would sit together at the table, talking sporadically… but not a lot. The silence is not awkward. In fact, it’s enjoyable. We laugh a lot when we do talk, and really enjoy just being together.
At 9:30, I head to take a shower, and find that my mom has just washed the towels. They still have the laundry soap scent on them, and are fluffy. 9:50, I hop out, and get ready. Doesn’t take me long… I just throw on my favorite pair of sweats and a sweatshirt, toss my hair up, and don’t put any make-up on. I head into my room, where I light a vanilla scented candle, and I read. For maybe an hour. No distractions at this time. Just me and the book. I blow out the candle, and the yummy smoke fills the air.
At eleven, I get into my parents car that they are letting me borrow for the day… and I head to be a nanny…. With ALL the kids I babysit. Ever. There are seventeen of them. I am totally able to handle them all on my own… and we have a party. We eat yummy food~ that the kids are able to help prepare, we watch a movie- Finding Nemo, snuggle, and laugh. A lot. The older kids perform a puppet show, while the younger ones are content to watch and sit with me. We are covered with warm cut-and-tie blankets, and everyone is enjoying their afternoon. No tears, meltdowns, or arguments. Just fun.
At four, the parents come to collect their children… and it is sad to see them go, because I’ve had so much fun. The kiddos all hug me goodbye, and I head home change into some “pretty” clothes. I put on a black dress with black kitten heels, and my mom curls my hair. It’s pulled back loosely. I do my make-up, and I finish the outfit off with a string of pearls. I head to the Cascade. At the cascade, there are people who are passionate about music and just want to play their instrument/sing/dance. I know them all. None of them are strangers, but I may know them very little. There is no agenda for the evening. It’s just a night of spontaneous worship through music and dance. Mrs. Zittel is in the corner, doing some type of fascinating modern contemporary routine… and I’m thankful to finally get to see her talent full force. Rachel and Lauren are doing a duet, harmonizing beautifully. There are some boys in the corner, younger… using their falsetto. Beautiful. Elyse is painting, I don’t know what, but that’s no surprise and I am just excited to see her heart in color. Mrs. Dummer is there, playing piano and singing. It’s breathtaking. There are various other groups that are there. I am there, too… although I know I don’t fit into any of these previously stated groups. And I am TOTALLY okay with that. So I start singing on my own. Out front and center… completely to Jesus. Doesn’t matter what song I sing, it could even be a mixture of songs… but I am unaware of everyone around me… singing as loud as I can. After a while, I stop. I look around me and everyone is smiling. Not at me. Just to themselves. They just had intense moments, too. Moments of passion and thankfulness, awe and reality. I am grateful.
Around seven, I head to Red Robin to meet up with the seniors. We eat together, completely enjoying each others company, no hindrances. No gossip takes place, instead, we ask about each other, genuinely interested in the lives of our friends. We laugh, eat, and are respectful to the waitress and the other diners. We discuss memories that have taken place over the last few years… but it’s not sad. We’re just reveling in the good times… taking in and cherishing the few moments we have left together.
At nine, I head home once again. I eat dessert with my family… warm cherry pie with vanilla ice cream slathered over the top…
At nine thirty, I crawl into bed… once again in the favorite pj’s (but they’ve been washed, so they smell awesome)… and the heater whirring. My dad comes in and tells me he loves me… followed by my mom. By ten o’clock… I’m asleep :)

This….. this would be my absolutely perfect day.

Quirks!

I love them, and certainly have quite a few of my own. I so appreciate people who realize that my quirks... they make me ME!

So whatever your quirks may be~ I love them.

L.O.V.E,
Poppins

Laughing ;)

Man, today was filled with laughter. Thanks for a new week, Jesus! :) I am ecstatic to glorify Your name! Work through me, and teach me what you will.

Love you!
~Poppins

The In-Between

Learning from people is one of my favorite things... Amy taught me the difference between real Mexican food and Tex-Mex. Caroline helped me be slightly more proficient in sending speedy text messages. Sarah shows me how genuine, meaningful, and fun being a mother can be. Nathan shows me the privileges of learning an instrument and how to bless people using that ability. Emmy is continually aware of the Sovereignty of God, and pursues Him with fervor. Jake teaches me to be a little wild, and let loose. Kim encourages me to love the time spent with my Savior, soaking up His presence. Rylee urges me to be spontaneous, and let the little things slide off my back. Jaxon taught me how to throw macaroni on homework and not cry because it looks ruined. The best part of being where I am right now... is learning from the amazing people surrounding me.

Last night, I was at Sarah's until midnight. One of my favorite thing about Sarah is that she listens. She talks and talks and talks some more... but so knows how to listen. And last night, after her and Nathan got home... she sat and talked to me for two hours. She told me story after story, letting me just soak up her desire for God's heart. She was telling me about the month before she graduated from high school. Fitting, since I am graduating soon! She was a month away from graduating. The moving date was set. She knew her roommate was going to be, and was ready for the change in atmosphere. She told me that it was no surprise that the word she spoke the most was "last." Her and her friends had grown up together, gone to the same school, and worshipped in the same youth group. Now life was about to split them into four different directions, and they were sad, excited, and hopeful all at the same time. Nothing can feel more bizarre than when the future you've dreamed of for years finally plops down in front of you.
Of the many traits I admire in Sarah, all the many things I've learned from her, there's one in particular I want to share with you. Though she was psyched about the future, she knew life didn't begin when they left for college.
She knew God was using her right then, right where she was, to be a bright example of His love. She led small groups full of younger girls. She was intentional about reaching out to new students. Every week, she prayed for her classmates, co-workers, family, and friends.
She had her friends hold her accountable in relationships they had. She was intentional about her time spent in God's Word, getting to know Him more.
Sometimes high school can feel like little more than an awkward spurt of "between time." But Sarah made that time matter, too.

David was like that too. When Samuel saw Eliab, he thought he'd found Israel's future king. But God said no. One by one. Samuel met the rest of Jesse's boys. None of them proved to be the guy Samuel was looking for. Finally somebody went out to find David, the handsome, outdoorsy youngest brother. Just like that, David's life changed completely. Samuel anointed him the future King of Israel.
Before David knew it, he was slaying giants, leading armies, and ruling a kingdom; but those are just bullet points in a much longer, more beautiful story. Every season of David's life mattered to God. David could have put all his hopes in a royal "someday." He could have assumed life didn't start until he was king. But he didn't. He didn't let his age or his fears be excuses to sit out life.
Not every season made sense to David, but every season was important. He messed up plenty of times. He was frustrated and angry. Time and time again, he brought God his most authentic self. Time and time again, God worked through him in big ways.
This season matters to you, too. You don't have to wait until college, grad school, married life, or summer for God to use you. Life doesn't begin when you get married, become a parent, set foot on a different continent, write books, or sell your first piece of art. "Someday" will be here before you know it. in fact, "someday" starts now in the decisions you make and the way you live.
So live in this moment. Dig into God's Word right now. Be brave enough to trust Him with this day, and the day after. I have a feeling you'll look back at this season in your life and see just how much it mattered. These crazy between times can be crazy beautiful. Watch and see.
I found a great verse in my quiet time this morning that I want to share with you! "My heart bursts at its banks overflowing with beauty and goodness. I pour it out in a poem to the King, shaping the river into words." Psalm 45:1
The rest of this year, and this summer~ pour your life out in a poem to your God. Live every day with bold compassion, integrity, and purpose. Worship loudly. Love until you're exhausted. Sneak away from all the chaos, and chase fireflies and watch the sunset. Get to know the people in your life~ really know them, not just their names. Be courageous and brave. In some ways, every moment is a "last." This exact school year, with these people, in this place, will never happen again.

So live it completely, and live it well.

I love you,
A

Random :)

Today is being spent memorizing lines that were supposed to be memorized ages ago. the play is in three weeks! Oh Jesus, help us!

In other news, I GOT A JOB! Hooray! :) Sarah and Nathan are so good to me, and I am so blessed to have them in my life.

I'm almost done with My Sister's Keeper. Such an amazing book.

I finally figured out a nickname for one of my friends. I was tired of going along with the crowd and calling her what everyone else does... and now I don't have to anymore!

I have to go back to school tomorrow. Ugh!

I had lots of fun at Game Night last night... and I have a new favorite thing. Fresh Cotton scented candles. They smell SOoooo yummy.

I must go now due to the first sentence.

Happy Sunday, sweet friends.

~poppins

Ah, Beauty

I am consistently aware of the beauty around me. The trees slightly swaying in the spring breeze, a small child that can't wait to see his Daddy, a teenager developing respect for her mom, an elderly couple holding hands... Jesus working in all things.

Oh man, God You are SO good. So so good.

My Love Song.

Imagine sitting in the dark caverns of a prison~ a prison you've been in for years. It's almost midnight, and usually at this time of the night there are only a few noises you hear: the clinking of someone's chains when he re-adjusts in the darkness. The sound of water drip-drip-dropping in the corner. The sound of a rat scurrying across the hard ground.
On this random night, you hear something unexpected break the inky silence: you hear singing. And the singing you hear is coming from the most unlikely source: Paul and Silas, two fellow prisoners who just spent most of the day being tortured.
Things started out great for these guys. On sailboats, on the beach, and throughout villages, they preached beautiful messages about the love of God. People responded in mass numbers. Then, rather suddenly, they were arrested, tortured, and thrown in jail.
Know what I love about Paul and Silas? They really lived the kind of life they preached. When Paul said he'd learned to be content and lean on God in every situation (Philippians 4:11-12), he wasn't just stringing together pretty words. He really lived that way! Acts 16 is proof: instead of wallowing in defeat, or having a giant cry fest, he and Silas started to sing and pray.
Those prayers and hymns threaded the deafening darkness, and according to Acts, the other prisoners were all ears. Imagine hearing about hope in a place so hopeless. Imagine hearing the way Paul and Silas spoke to their Lord and knowing maybe you too could have a relationship with Him.
They didn't give some flashy rock opera performance or dazzling sermon. they just sang and prayed. The Bible says an earthquake ripped through the jail's foundations after that. The doors flew open, and everybody's chains came loose. Not only did God not leave them during their inprisonment; He actually used the situation to minister to the jailer, who became a believer (Acts 16: 29-31)
I think when we're in one of those bizarre situations we never saw coming, praising Him with shaky voices, playing guitars with trembling fingers, praying and singing and asking questions (which is OK~ He's big enough for the questions), people are very likely to notice. Like Paul and Silas, we live the hope we always talk about. God is beside us in darkness, and He's working the situation out for our good. That kind of love is worth singing about.
I didn't see these situations coming, but I'm rolling with them. I'm still making funny jokes, enjoying life, and trusting in God's timing. In the past few months, I've been able to live out the hope I believe in. My life is a song back to my God.
I'm not losing heart through the unexpected. Even in the darkness, I'm letting the song in my heart, the worship anthem of my crazy beautiful life~ rock the world.

~Poppins

Raw.

This is not going to be eloquent or said in deep philosophical rhyme. It's just going to be raw.

Today sucked. Big time. Thing after thing after thing was being dumped onto my day, when finally... in sixth period, I had enough. I haven't been this angry in a long time. I let go of things quickly, forgetting they happened. I rarely am truly mad, being the optimist that I am. But I am really angry.

We talked in small groups today about friendship. As words were thrown around as to what a true friend is... I just wanted to cry.

God,
I am SO done! I just want to have ONE... ONE person that will stick with me. I am tired of working so terribly hard, just to be disappointed. I am tired of encouraging words that bite me in the butt. I'm tired of begging You for a person that will become a true friend. I'm so so tired, God. I know you will never give me more than I can handle... but this is getting rough. Mold me into the friend I need to be to glorify You. I know that in your timing you will give me a true friend that isn't ten hours away. In this waiting God, refine me. Because right now, I'm ready to crumble.

no words.

there are certain moments in life that I never want to forget... that I would love to bottle up in a cute pink capsule and stick into my brain... easily accessable when I want to look back on them. Well, today... I had one of those.

The first one. My sweet Nathan played for my best friends after play practice today. He was super duper nervous, but still played beautifully. That's my boy! He didn't want to play the song that him and I had "written" (more like he composed, and I just listened to instruction) because he was embarrassed. I knew that wasn't why, but didn't push it. The analyst in my was saying to myself... "Maybe it's because he thinks it isn't good!" hahahaha. Oh boy, was I wrong. The second we got home, he was ready to play with me. I said, "Hey, I knew you remembered it! What was the deal at the school??" and he looks at me, comes in for a hug, and dead seriously says..."why did you tell sarah and elyse? I thought that was OUR song." Oh my goodness. Melt my heart, why don't you, kid?! Ah, so we proceeded to sit at the piano for two hours... playing and laughing, talking and singing.

Oh, Jesus... thank you for moments like this with my beautiful children. I so love that you have developed in me a love for your little people and for music. Constantly I am reminded of how great you are! I am so undeserving of your perfect love. Thank you so much for continually be patient and gracious and drawing me closerto Yourself.

Nathan, I absolutely adore you, my sweet boy.

~Poppins

life.

Today, greatness was achieved. Got yelled at on the ride home... was double teamed. But when put in comparison with the amazingness of the rest of the day, I guess it all doesn't really matter. I find myself saying that a lot lately... "Maybe if I just forget about this... overlook this... stop getting irritated at this... then THAT will seem all that much better."

oh, life.

Such a wild ride.

Sweet dreams, friends.

A New Direction

Tomorrow at this time, I'll be driving two and a half hours south to the town that I grow up in. I'll be leaving a day of fun and laughter, and heading back to a place of familiarity. My friends and I will be crammed (I mean... uh, packed??) in cars, my cell phone charged and ready to go, and my Ipod will be ready to cure boredom (if there is any). I wish that all my friends could go with me on these types of trips. We could load up on junk food, sing along with my (very random) travel mix and talk about what's going on in their worlds. Road trips are always fun, and tomorrow will be especially interesting... because I'll be coming home so soon.

Ironically, when I am at home... I spend a lot of my time thinking about leaving.

I love my little school, and my friends and family too... but I am desperate to see the rest of the world. I pore over Sarah's old copies of National Geographic, memorizing the faces and countries profiled there. Those people with beautiful dark eyes and strange customs seem so interesting to me. I want to see their worlds. I want to hear languages I don't understand, see the sunset over flatlands instead of mountains and be captivated by some dreamy European city.

I want to go somewhere different. I want something new. Sometimes I feel like my heart will explode if I don't get to touch, taste, and see the world past my little mountains.

The longing has erupted this year. I don't know what's stronger~ my desire to see a new place or my desire to be seen as a new girl. I want to go somewhere I can be undefined. I feel like the people here already know everything about me (even though they SO don't... not even close). But they know who I want them to know.

I know everything about me too. I need to go somewhere I can reinvent myself. Take some risks. Becoming is so awkward, isn't it?

And so I wasn't surprised today, when I'm about to leave my home, then turn around and come back... that these words in my time with Jesus echoed in my heart's cry~
"Sing a new song to the Lord." Psalm 96:1

That's what I wanted~ a new song. What I didn't realize... but am coming to realize very quickly... is that a new song doesn't come with a continent change. Sometimes the most beautiful new songs in my life have a way of finding me exactly where I am.

When I find myself in a season where I feel stuck or a place where I feel restless, I know a couple of things could be brewing in my heart. Sometimes, I think God gives us a gentle prompter to get out in the world and love His people.

I've learned so much about God by getting out into the world and seeing Him work there.

But I've also learned so much about God and experienced His love... when He breathes life back into dreams, responsibilities, and goals I have right where I am. The restlessness in my heart can also point me back to an adventure I'm missing that's already happening around me.

When the psalmist tells us to sing a new song to the Lord, he follows it with this proclamation: Let the whole earth sing to the Lord!

And whether I'm running through the rainy streets of some European supercity, sitting on the back porch at home ready to be finished, or laboring over a filthy desk at school, I can still sing a new song to Jesus. I can still feel that rush of excitement and adventure that comes with taking Him up on something new.

Restlessness stirs in my heart for a reason. Sometimes I need to change my environment, but more often than not, I just need to change the song in my heart.

I need to remember that my purpose is exactly where I am. I need to remember what I love and why. I need to find somewhere to be alone and worship God in a way I haven't worshipped Him in a while. Sometimes when I worship in a new way I feel closer to Him. As long we worship God in spirit and truth (John 4), I don't think one method of worship trumps the rest.

But worshipping God in a new way pulls me out of rote formality. I may not know the words by heart. I may not know what I'm doing. I'm just giving Him a moment of spontaneous love. I have a feeling those moments are precious to Him.

There is a longing in my heart at almost 18 much stronger than seeing the world or falling in love or finding the perfect college. I want to know God fully. I want to fall deeper and deeper in love with who He is in every season of my life. I want to experience Him on different continents, and with different people... and I will. But some of the sweetest times in my walk with Him so far are moments He became real to me right where I was.

He isn't just the God of my amazing, blow-my-mind-and-see-the-world days. He's also the God of my faded-jeans-and-flip-flops days. Sometimes my soul is just longing to sing a new song. When I do, that song has a way of becoming the soundtrack for an adventure I never saw coming.

I don't want to miss that for anything.

~Poppins

More to Come!

Okay, this weekend was pretty much the best weekend I have had in a long time. I thought that I wanted to get on and document every single moment, write out the memories so that if I forget... they're here. But I decided that I'm not going to. I think they are so permanently embedded in my brain that there's no need. The memories are so perfect in my head, it might just ruin them to put them in a place to be relived and relived. This weekend was chocked full of punches in the arm, threatening "Don't you DARE!" looks, yelling for the whole street to hear, singing for harsh wind out the windows, a few angry tears, quite a few thankful tears, gut-busting laughter, laughter, and oh... ya. Some more laughter. But the moments, places, people, situations, and conversations that provoked all of the above~ those are for my heart and my head.

My dear friends, and my sweet Nathan.... Thank you for the memories this weekend!

~wyssa

Just rambling :)

So... I'm pretty excited. I get to read a book out loud to one of my friends from school! I seriously can't wait. I have always loved to read out loud... especially when it's so relevant!

I realized two things today~
1. I love talking about things I am passionate about. I could have sat and talked to the juniors for hours. They were so attentive (unlike our retarded seniors!), and actually listened (I think, at least!). I have such a love for people, and I can't wait to use that for the rest of my life. There were a couple words that pretty much described me to a T in the book I was reading today. "Aliced possessed natural talents~ her ability to communicate and observe, her caution, her empathy, and her love of people." Wow. So me.

2. Costumes make everything so super real. Putting on a costume today made me Cornelia. It made me more dramatic (it IS possible, contrary to what some people might believe!), and I had no problem being flirty and over-the-top. I am so stoked to be young.

It was really windy today, and all day I had been having to take out my pony tail and put it back in... because my wispies would fly away and be in my face. On the way home, I had the windows down, and my grown out (almost) bangs were flying everywhere like crazy. So I took my pony tail out and let the whole head of hair just have it's way with the wind. It was so freeing. It was like a battle between the elements and each piece of hair. Well, the wind won. But, my hair fought a good fight! :)

More and more I am realizing how thankful I am for encouragement. Our school is a great school, not super negative and happy for the most part. But encouraging? Maybe not so much. But God knows. God knows what lacks, and where He can fill those gaps. I love that! He has shown me so much in my waiting how beautiful He can make each season of my life :) And He has filled each gap in ways better than I ever could have dreamed. It's so cool to think that the dream God dreams for me is so much better than anything I could ever possibly fathom for myself.

Best friends aren't for a season. They are forever :)

I love to laugh from the gut... an earth altering, tears-in-the-eyes laugh. The world around me seems to melt away for a while.

Ah, Jesus. Today was a great day. I absolutely adore You.

Off to watch my boys ;)

Living,
Poppins

The Gift.

what should I do with it?? hmm... there are a couple of options~

1. Open it and laugh and scream in delight.
2. Open it and cry in disappointment.
3. Don't open it, and leave it where I can see it... constantly haunting my thoughts.
4. Don't open it, and put it away in the depths of unorganization (under the bed)... constantly haunting my thoughts.
5. Don't open it, put it away, and forget about it.
6. Shake it up a little bit, and guess what's inside.
7. Wait for someone else to open it up for me, and ruin the surprise.
8. Let some kids open it... you know they love wrapping paper.

That's what I won't do.

Here's what I will do~ I will open it little pieces at a time... not fully ready to open it all the way... I mean, I was only given it today for crying out loud. I will carefully rip off the ribbon, then cautiously peel back the taped edges... until the gift is revealed.

I just want to prepare my heart to take it... with everything I am.

At least the sun is out today. God is good, all the time :)

Nicknames.

I love them. I really do. and I have quite a few of them... but the most recent one of my favorite. My sweet friend has been calling me Lyss for the past few weeks. I don't know why I like it so much... maybe because it's endearing and no one else calls me that. When she's telling me something, she'll say, "Seriously, Lyss, it was the best thing ever..." or whatever she happens to be telling me about that day. I love it. Anyway, today I didn't enjoy school too much. Everyone was crabby and kinda rude and mean. But I guess I have those days, and can't complain.

Other nicknames I have would be the following~ Lyssa (Elyse), Kate (Emilee and Ash), nutmeg (Sarah and Nathan), nanydram- pronounced nanneedraaam (my uncle- it's a cross between nanny and drama queen in his mind, I suppose!), and lots more random weird ones that people use at different times.

But here's the thing... I like my real name, too. Nicknames are endearing and sweet and fit your personality, but real first names... you become like that name. I see it every day...

So... I make sure to call my friends by their names, even when they don't like it.

~Poppins

Dear Sunshine,

Thank you so much for making an appearance today! You absolutely made my day, and I love that I get to wear a T-shirt and not be freezing :) I got to walk to lunch today, and look at the sky where you live. You're home is so beautiful, especially at night... even though you've gone to sleep by then ;) Hey, by the way... thanks for letting a friend and I borrow your brothers and sisters on Friday night! They were beautiful :) I would love it if you came out to say hi every day!

See you tomorrow!

~Poppins

Don't Understand.

Here's some things I don't understand:

1. Rudeness. Just because you are busy, have better things to do, or aren't having the greatest day... would it absolutely kill you to be nice?

2. Killing of babies. It makes me so angry. Also, unborn babies that are WANTED by their parents that God chooses to take away.

3. Not being able to keep a promise. How hard can it be? You say you're going to do something, you do it. don't promise if you can't make it happen.

4. Parents that love one child more than the other.

5. how someone can throw you under the bus so many times, and not even blink an eye.

6. how life can be so ugly, and yet there are people complaining about getting a A- on a test.

7. how teachers pretend to care for a little while, but when it really gets down to it, they don't.

8. how people can make judgements and talk to you like they know what they're talking about... but they have no idea.

9. how people can be so insensitive, and not care one lick about what people are going through.

10. how God answers prayer in ways that seem unfair or unjust.



I am eighteen in 97 days. graduate in 86.

Lord Jesus, please get me through. I'm tired of crying.

Change.

Change is coming quickly... in all areas of life. It was time to switch up the blog, too! :-) Off to watch my girl.

~Poppins

Realizing.

I am very quickly coming to understand, know, realize, accept... whatever you want to call it... the quirks that used to annoy me. Those quirks are a part of people, and I am learning to truly love them for who they are.

I am very quickly realizing that maybe crazy, insane, wild, illogical ideas are some of the best ones around.

I am very quickly realizing that I am so thankful for true friendships that inspire, challenge, and at times, even rebuke. I have prayed for a long time for a frienship that is centered around my Savior. As always, waiting brought something beautiful. Eight hours in distance is hard, but in the end... doesn't stop us :)

I am very quickly realizing that I would so much rather talk on the phone than text. I love to hear people's voices. They're beautiful.

I am very quickly realizing that my poor husband is really going to have to take his leadership position when it comes to kids. I can tell you right now, I'm not going to want to wait. I'd have them right now if I could.

I am very quicky realizing... that THIS... this life. Right here, right now.... will never happen again.

No wasting, no regrets... all love,
Poppins

Practically Perfect in Every Way

That was today. So perfect. I got to shadow some pretty amazing nurses, and see for myself what living the life of a nurse can look like.... I got a super yummy dutch bros... I went back to school with the intent of practicing drama, and intead sat and talked to my favorite teacher and my sweet drama buddy for an hour and a half... I got a real hug from above favorite Bible teacher, and from my hug-hating friend, E, too... then I got to talk to a friend that I haven't talked to in weeks. So good to hear her voice.

God is so good, my friends :)

Breaking Records.

I just wrote the longest email I have ever written in all of my seventeen years. Good thing that the person on the other end loves to read :)

Now I am exhausted and have nothing left to say. My friends are sleeping, hundreds of miles away, or out of town. Jesus, you are my talking buddy tonight. I'm so glad and thankful that you're always there.

~Poppins

Sweet Spot.

... with three of my very favoritest boys in the whole earth... Yes! I think this sounds like fun ;)

Jake, Jonny, and Jax... I love you boys and am excited to go be spunky and adventerous with you!

Ready to be wild,
Your faithful nanny

Today...

*updated!* I did grab a book, and I did lay out on a blanket on the grass, (unfortunately I don't own a hammock. yet.) and I certainly did dress like it was springtime. I took a shower, curled my hair, put on makeup... and then picked out a short flowery skirt, and a tank top with a necklace to match. I made my cheeks rosy, and then decided I needed some leggings since my legs are so stinkin white! I left my house. This is a big step. Yep, I left it. Got in the car, and drove. I stopped and walked around at this adorable little property in Shasta Lake... probably illegal, who knows. But I didn't care! I drove with the windows down, and had the music turned up really loud. I sang like nobody's business, albeit really horribly, and almost got in a wreck at least a couple of times! I called a friend and talked to her for a while... so cool to see how God is working. Today... today was a really good day. Sunshine, please don't leave!!


...is a grab-a-book-lay-out-on-the-hammock day. God, I am so thankful for the sunshine. Give me the grace to get through the next couple months.

I love you,
sunshine lovin nanny

Laundry.

I hate doing laundry. But when the parents are gone, it makes for EASY laundry. I can split up my loads exactly the way I want, and throw in that little extra bit of soap to make my clothes smell super yummy.....

I hope I marry someone who likes to fold. Because that... that is the absolute worst part.
Okay, stop blogging and actually get started, Mz. Poppins.

"In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun... and SNAP! The job's a game." ~this will certainly be interesting.

Love,
Laundry hating nanny.

My Yellow Brick Road.

Sometimes I feel like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, dancing around aimlessly in a blue and white checkered dress and sparkly ruby red shoes with only one goal: to get Home. What Oz's golden girl never considered was how many stops she would make along the way, how many people she would meet, how many stories she would tell, and how many lessons she would learn.
My road isn't curly or swirly or made of yellow bricks. It's straight and narrow, but like Dorothy's, it's full of unexpected surprises, tragedies, and joy. It's a road chocked full with a zillion stories~ and it's a road I can walk with the sweet promise that one day it will lead me Home.
While I'm all for a little adventure, I also like to have a practical plan set in place. I'm a unique hybrid of a spontaneous creative type and a type-A goal-setter. Most of the time I try to roll with the flow, but the "no-blueprint" aspect of my faith is starting to weigh heavily on my heart. I am supposed to be the girl with the plan. I don't like that my plans always seem to flop. I don't feel like home is anywhere in particular. I just am tired of being the odd girl out! It's not just that I don't exactly know where I'm going to live or what I'm going to be doing. Sometimes I get the feeling that I don't belong. Anywhere.
I wonder sometimes if maybe my friends feel that way too... but are good at hiding it. Like me. Like... maybe sometimes they know what it feels like to be the odd girl/boy out. Maybe they've just moved to a new place and suddenly their weird accent turns heads like never before. It could be that they're failing a class and are drowning in trying to be good enough. It could be that they'd rather draw than practice a foul shot. It could be they'd rather be listened to than contantly ignored. It could be that they're tired of not being made to feel beautiful. It could be that they hate the sport they are playing, but could never say anything for fear of rejection. It could be that they never let on when something is wrong, yet a battle is raging in their heart. It could be that they have a soft sweet spirit, but too many people know them as having a hard heart, so they can't show it. It could be that they're tired of sitting by themselves at lunch and going seemingly unnoticed.
I crave individuality. God loves the individual quirks He's created me with. We're meant to be different from the rest of the world, but sometimes different can still make for some lonely times.
At this part of my journey with God, following Him means trusting Him when I don't know the next step in front of me. It means trusting Him when my friends have college tuition and a home for next year, and I'm still searching. It means trusting Him when an opportunity I thought would be amazing, falls through. It means trusting Him when I see friendships that are God-centered and beautiful, and I'm still waiting. It means trusting Him when I feel like giving up.
Sometimes, it feels distictively as if I don't belong, as if no matter where I am, I can't feel at home. Jesus has a lot to say to me in those moments. I should anticipate feeling out of place. Hebrews 11:13 says this about men and women who had already died and gone to Heaven... "They admitted that they were strangers and aliens on earth."
That verse makes me think of airports. I am literally just passing through. I'm not Home yet. Even the best time I have on this earth won't compare to being home, when I get to see my Jesus face to face.
In His eyes, I belong. I've always belonged. When I'm going through seasons when I'd give anything to be a fly on the wall instead of the weird drama geek who tries to hard, I picture His big arms wrapping around me and reminding me that He has a plan for me on this winding road. He's walking every single step of it with me.
I love adventure, but I love stability too. I can find both in Christ. I have no idea what this year holds. I don't know where I'll be living. I don't know whom I'll meet. More than ever, I'm learning to depend on Him for all I need. It's OKAY if home isn't one place in particular. Home is where my heart is, and my heart is all His. Walking with Jesus feels like home. Dorothy was right. There's no place quite like it.

Today I felt...

...peace, frustration, happiness, excitement, disappointment, discouragement, hope, unfaithfulness, loyalty, faith, gentleness, awe, thankfulness, confusion, angry (only for a short while!), lazy, driven, like quitting, joy, funny, and deep.

But above all these things... is love. I felt LOVE today :)

To the Author of my Mary Poppin's Heart~

Words cannot express how thankful I am for You. I am a wretched sinner, yet You chose me to be Your daughter. Thank you for giving me the opportunity for sing for You. Thank you for planting in me a desire to love the little people You have blessed the earth with. You have blessed me beyond what I can possibly imagine. Thank you so much for Your faithfulness. The world around can shake and spin, but You are grounded and stable. May my eyes always be fixed on You, the Author and Finisher of my faith, my best friend. I can't wait to spend eternity with You face to face. I love you.

Trusting You,
A

Remembering.

Moments I don't want to forget from this weekend~ "The Great Seat Belt Debacle", the gross Savemart sandwich, the floral Jack in the Box, Franswaaa, Journey three times over at the top of my lungs, roomate engagement, senior recital that made my head spin with thankfulness, singing in an empty cafeteria, meeting Travis, stopping to pee, soft serve machine that wouldn't work, wanting what I can't have, Cindy taking off her mom hat, the library, tmc shirts, being unable to climb the rock wall, pants being wet from the rain, seeing super cute boys everywhere, peacocks swarming from trees, talking with a stranger for almost three hours, seven girls in the trailor, not stopping for dinner, dutch babies, asian baby accent, the Harasick's, Disney, the Mary Poppins figurine that I really wanted, Majesty, feeling Sadie Jane move, genuinity, rubber necking, and learning to make the best of situations.

Granted, there are moments I want to forget, and will forget... but these... these moments are the great memories made on a ten hour road trip with very unique boys and girls.

I must say, though... being back in school today was refreshing. I missed my friends!!! It's a compliment to be missable :)

The Poppins is back on!! As I write, I should be putting some shoes on, grabbing the unbrella, and loading the carpet bag... because I'm headed to watch my kiddos!