Have I become Lucy?

"Someday you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again." ~C.S. Lewis.

My best friend is incredible. I mean, seriously incredible. And one of the things I love most about our friendship is the ability we have to completely disagree, and love just the same. If not more.

This week we discussed some hard God stuff. Topics that our finite minds will never fully be able to grasp on this side of heaven. Topics that are controversial, weighty, and heavy. Topics that I'm sure many Jesus followers have wrestled with, asking for clarity and answers.

Today, I no more have the answers to the questions than I did yesterday. Or even the day before.

But I know one thing for sure: I never, ever want to lose the wonder and awe. I never want to lose that feel of "vastness" when I think on the things of God. God is vast.

A couple of weeks ago, as I sat with sweet three year old Rook on the back porch, we saw a rainbow. I nearly screamed as I saw it against the big canvas of sky.

"Rook, do you see that?! A rainbow!"
"Whoa! I WUVV Wainbows! Wet's go find da pot of gold! Run, run! Come on!" He squealed and jumped and laughed.

So we ran. We ran and ran across the property until we couldn't run anymore.

"It just looks so cwose, Ahissa."

Yes it does, sweetheart. Never did I tell him that the pots of gold don't exist. I never told him that it was all just a fantasy.

"Do fairies exist, Alyssa?" and "Are unicorns real?" "What about dragons- can they really breathe fire?!" Although less for the older kids, I get asked these questions A LOT as a nanny.

Maybe it's my line of work. Maybe it's my heart for kids. Maybe it's the love I have for their big eyes and imaginations. But whatever the reason, I decided a long time ago that children grow up way.too.fast.

They grow up way too fast, and too soon they will be "too old" to be a sparkling princess in a faraway castle, a dragon fighting off the evil master, or a puppy that can fly.

They will pull on the cloak of adult close-mindedness and learn to disengage from all things fantasy. They will accept the role of "I'm-too-old-for-stories" and lose their deep wonder.

As a nanny, as a friend... I don't ever want to be the squasher of the dreams.

I have many times been accused of being the over-indulgent nanny. I'm not strict enough. I allow to much freedom, too much leash. I'm being dishonest by not revealing the truth about fictional characters and tree houses that become caves and castles.

Sometimes, I worry that we've lost our wonder. Believing leads to dreaming, and dreaming leads to creativity and wonder. Seriously, some of the best communicators I know are incredible story-tellers. and you know why they're incredible story-tellers? Well, for lots of reasons. But one of which is this: they believe in the fantastical. Even just a bit. That's enough. It gives a spark.

I love watching children imagine and dream, and cling to the magical stories of dragons and fairies.

I don't ever want to lose the ability to believe and hope in the perfect miracles of a God who does things in a supernatural, Sovereign manner. all for His glory. I don't ever want to lose the creativity, passion, and dreams that God has placed so deep inside my heart.

To do so would be arrogant, prideful, maybe even dangerous.

C.S. Lewis was an incredible man of God and wrote books I have spent hours pouring over, soaking in deep truth and insight. Mere Christianity was a hard read for me. I had to slowly, delicately move through its pages as to not miss anything. And I'm sure I could read it five times more and still not have depleted its sustenance.

But you know what else C.S. Lewis wrote? Fantasy. and he was GOOD at it. He weaved readers through a long journey with magic and talking creatures, deceit and glory.

My Dear Lucy,
I wrote this story for you, but when I began it I had not realized that girls grow quicker than books. As a result you are already too old for fairy tales, and by the time it is printed and bound you will be older still. But someday you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again…

Lewis wrote this regarding The Chronicles of Narnia. He penned this to his granddaughter, and I see both the sadness and hope just in these few sentences.

I read this today and wondered... Have I become Lucy? Have I gotten too old to believe in the wonder of it all? Have I grown so quickly that I left the books lagging behind? Have the kids I've watched grow for years and years grown quicker than their dreams?

Oh man, I hope not.

I still believe in miracles. and the impossible dreams. I believe in a God that is so beyond my comprehension. I believe it's possible.

I don't want to lose my wonder.

The pride of omniscience can so easily attach itself to my name the second I decide I understand it all. Omniscience belongs to God.

I will never be "too old" to learn, to grow, to be in awe.

Reality is good. Necessary.

But so is the beauty in a big imagination and hope for the impossible.

Love to you,
Alyssa