Paper Snowflakes.

Imagine this scene with me....
On a bleak and dreary December day, in an elementary classroom, a little girl makes a paper snowflake. She folds the white paper intentionally and slowly, all the while imagining her spectacular blend of lace and ice, something unique, destined to be a pale beauty in a dark gray sky.
Soon the room looks like a paper blizzard. Tiny flecks of paper dancing and twirling through the air to the snap of scissors. Most kids fold the paper twice, cut out a few little circles, unfold it, and then proceed to tie a string to the tip in a matter of minutes.
But this sweet little girl folds hers six times instead of twice and carefully moves around the borders, then the inside of her masterpiece. She cuts out hearts and diamonds, curli-cues and daisy petals. She makes the edges curve and peak until each one is perfect.
She's part starry-eyed artist, part precise surgeon as she unfolds her display, slowly so it doesn't rip. Her teacher ties a string to it and attaches it to the ceiling. It stands apart from all the others. Kaleidoscope shadows and light trickle down onto the desks.
In the end, no one notices the severe fold lines. No one notices the way the ends start to curl. No one notices the few jagged cuts that had to be made. Instead, everyone sees a funky snowflake, made to spin wild into the dark night, made to be complex and unique.
Made to be lovely.
This Christmas, I'm thankful that the love of God covers every tear, cut and fold in this paper heart. Sure, it's a season of all-out joy. But Christmas doesn't make out broken hearts go away. In fact, sometimes Christmas makes them ache all over again.
This time last year, I was deep in heartache. It was my last year of high school, and it wasn't goin so hot. The festivities still took place all around me~ my loud, crazy, wonderful family, presents lining the room, delicious food, and hot tea and coffee. The best part is when all that is over, everybody sits around and tells their love stories. If you know me, you know very soon that I'm a sucker for a really great love story. But last year, my heart was aching. Jealousy had crept in and taken root in my feeble heart, the devil leaking lies into my frail body. For the first time since I can remember, the Christmas tree just seemed a little dull... the twinkling lights on the houses were menacing and cruel. Christmas was beautiful last year, but it was also sad. It was the first year that my singleness really overtook me. I thought about it all day long~ especially on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day....
Then, when I started thinking about all the broken hearts around me, many FAR worse than mine, it made Christmas seem a little less merry and bright.
I only have to log onto facebook or have a chat with a friend to hear about the heartache so many have faced this year~ overcoming addictions, moving to college, experiencing divorce with parents, watching family members lose their battle with diseases, getting diagnosed with cancer, scary car accidents, sudden loss, struggling with fear and unsettling circumstances. Amidst all the joy a year brings~ weddings and welcome homes, first dances, new jobs, beautiful new babies, first missions trips~ comes the unexpected. Tragedy blind-sides us sometimes. It's enough to make a girl like me (an undeniable Christmas nerd who starts to break out the holiday music in October) suddenly seem like Ebenezer Scrooge.
This Christmas is starkly different. While the ever-present ache in my heart for love still rears its ugly head now and then, I am filled with joy this year. After blood, sweat, and tears, I have completed my first semester of college... one step closer to being an RN! :) I have the best job in the entire world watching kids that are family to me. I met some pretty amazing people this year~ Emmy, my miracle friend with her absolutely breathtaking heart and gentle spirit, Pam~ the hardest professor on the planet who challenged me in ways I didn't think were possible, and Cait~ my answered prayer. I have a home and extra special people who live in it with me. I am so blessed.
So... even through all the heartache, Christmas still manages to get me with the overwhelming message of the holiday season~ Hope.
I fell asleep this Christmas Eve in my flannel pj's, simply thanking God for where He has me. While sometimes the waiting seems never-ending and seemingly hopeLESS, I have been given such a great gift~ freedom to run after my Father with nothing to hold me back. Freedom to dance and sing under His wing. I got a profound feeling this Christmas that He delights in that. Delights in the pure beauty of a daughter willing to run to Him. I am holding onto Him tightly... for I know there will come a time when this freedom will no longer be mine. Though it will be an answer to prayer and a tremendous blessing to receive a life-long best friend and mate far beyond all others... it will also be a fight. A daily fight for Jesus and for me and for my love. SO, I am dancing and singing before my Jesus. I am letting joy prevail. I am enjoying the season I am in.
I have hope.
Two thousand years ago, the weary world rejoiced because it was broken, not because it was whole. The world rejoiced because it was desperate for a Savior, desperate for Someone who could heal all the broken, lonely places. It rejoiced because smack in the middle of sad goodbyes and broken hearts came JESUS.
The name Isaiah penned to describe Jesus is a name that resonates loud in my life this time of year~ Prince of Peace. In my chaos, He's peace. In my changing relationships, He's peace. In my family situations, He's peace. In my oppressing school schedule, He's peace. He came to the world for ME, to hold me and carry me through all the darkness, to give me the sweetest gift of all~ Himself.
It's a dark and lonely world. But take heart! With a journey from a manger in starry Bethlehem to a cross on a lonely hillside, He overcame the world and brought us peace.
Sometimes I wonder if my first experience in heaven will feel like Christmas morning~ pale light streaming through the windows that make me blink my sleepy eyes; the sound of my family's voices; soft music coming from the living room; joy that spills up from deep inside that surprises and excites me.
I wonder if heaven will feel like two friends simply enjoying each other's company, the cozy comfort of flannel pj's, or the love and hope of Christmas morning. Maybe it'll be all of that. But I know one thing for sure~ Heaven means sitting at the feet of my Jesus and never looking back.
This year, like every year, there's a truth that shines brighter that any colored lights in my small town:

For unto us a child is born, to us a Son is given, and the government will be on His shoulders. And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.


This Christmas, dare to let His love reflect in you. Make the world wonder how something so small and fragile, so ripped and unique, can be so stunning.

Then go make a paper snowflake :)

Merry Christmas, my friends. You are loved.

It's Winter :)

I enjoy days like these...

The house is quiet. It's just me and Jesus.

oh, and chemistry homework. To be completely honest, it just doesn't seem to bad when He's sitting next to me :)

Thankful.

Somedays we forget
To look around us
Somedays we can't see
The joy that surrounds us
So caught up inside ourselves
We take when we should give.

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be.
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see.
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.

Look beyond ourselves
There's so much sorrow
It's way too late to say
I'll cry tomorrow
Each of us must find our truth
It's so long overdue

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And every day we hope for
What we still can't see
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.

Even with our differences
There is a place we're all connected
Each of us can find each other's light

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see
It's up to us to be the change
And even though this world needs so much more

There's so much to be thankful for...

For THIS I am thankful.

God has been rocking my world in big ways as of late... opening my eyes to yucky things of this world, and changing my heart in so many ways. This is what He has been teaching my heart...

1. He has been graciously teaching me what true contentment look like. It's not saying the words "I'm content"... No. It's much more than that. It's a heart that's willing to go where He sends me, eyes that are constantly seeking His face alone, and lips that speak truth about where I am in the consistent struggle with true contentment. So, I say these words with a humble, trembling heart. But I mean them just the same~ I will go where you send me, Father. I don't want to miss anything you are doing. Continue to mold me into the woman you want me to be, a woman content with where you have me.

2. He has been continually showing me that trusting in Him is sufficient. When I place my life in His hands, the plan for my life is rooted in security. I never have to look for outside assurance, because He is more than enough for me.


3. Celebration. I never thought I would have to be taught how to celebrate... but I have been taught/am still being taught how to truly celebrate. I don't mean for birthdays, landing a sweet nanny job, or getting an A on an exam. I mean celebrating when a 16 year old other than me gets a brand new car for her birthday, when someone ELSE lands a sweet nanny job, or when my study partner gets a higher grade on her exam. We are commanded to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. Mourning is easy... it’s a natural, fleshly initiative. Rejoicing is not. We are a selfish, prideful race and people group. God has been continually stripping me of this, and teaching me how to truly celebrate and rejoice with those around me.

4. Waiting. My life seems to be filled with lots and lots of waiting. I am learning that he is molding me though each season... that includes the season of waiting. Dan Lance said tonight at the Stirring, “Waiting is hard, but waiting is good.” So simple... but SO true. It IS hard, but beautiful things come from waiting. My turn will come... I just need to rest in Him.

5. Genuinity. I think this speaks for itself. We are not called to be robots. Happy, sunshine-y, slap-a-smile-on-your-face robots. We are called to be real... people of resolve and fervor, passion and grace. I am learning to be genuine. With ALL people.

6. Last thing on the list tonight... He is opening my eyes to SO much beauty. Like I’ve never seen before. Allowing me to enjoy and capture just glimpses of His beauty. I found myself truly bubbling over tonight. I wanted to run and greet every single person I saw, whether I knew them or not! I just wanted to invade them with the love of Jesus... because it’s meant to be shared... to be leaked out of every pore in my body.


With that said, I am at peace tonight. I am thankful for what my Jesus is teaching me. He is drawing me closer to Himself every single hour, and I am falling more and more in love. Oh, how I love you, Jesus.
Oh, how I love you.

Stillness.

I realized this afternoon that I haven't had time in months to simply "Be Still." There is always bustling, rumbling, and running around... not to mention the endless amounts of studying :) I'm either buried in a textbook, memorizing notecards, driving to Caitlin's, driving back from Caitlin's, eating, decorating, dancing, playing games, walking like a zombie due to exhaustion, watching the kiddos, or sleeping. This is my life. Crazy, wild, hectic. Today, the second I woke up there was a list of "to-do's"....

1. Call Louise Elliot.
2. Do 6 loads of laundry. (I know, I know. It's bad... it builds up!)
3. Book a flight to see my grandparents.
4. Call Jen (This absolutely could not be cut out, though it may seem trivial)
5. Do dishes.
6. Write the fetal circulation paper for anatomy.
7. Pay the credit card bill.
8. Map out finals week.
9. Clean room. Thoroughly.
10. Finish filling out passport for Mexico.
11. Master lecture notes for anatomy.
..... I'm sure there is more, but this is all I can think of right now.

It was basically go go go go go go for 6 hours. I didn't get it all finished, but I knew I needed a break. I'm still sick, doped up on meds, and constantly exhausted... so I definitely needed to just chill.

The house is empty. I lit some candles. Turned on the Christmas tree lights, and my very favorite soothing Christmas CD... and I sat. I was still. I had nothing in my hands. Nothing I was trying to study. My phone was in the other room. I just "was." I was still. I was silent. I was contemplative. I am just thanking God tonight for stillness. For the moments He allows me to rest. To just sit in His arms and "be". This post is not eloquent or proofread, long and thought out. It's simple and un-edited.

I'm okay with that.

Try it sometime. Put everything aside. Praise Him.

"Fall on your knees... oh hear the angel voices... oh night divine."

mmmm..... STILLNESS.

Choosing Gratitude.

Today, I am choosing gratitude. I am choosing to look at the life God has chosen to bless me with. Being that it is November, and a celebrated time of thankfulness... Here are a few things I am thankful for~

I'm thankful for blue-sky Sundays, rainy days where I can sleep in, stars splattered across the heavens, snowflakes, and rows and rows of mountains. I'm thankful for city skylines, breathtaking paintings, and friends who love Jesus and look out for me. I'm thankful for strong hugs hello and passionate hugs goodbye.
I'm thankful for the long teary nights when I write so much I see the first glimpse of sunrise. I'm thankful for music~ endless, magnificent, poignant music to match every mood. Life deserves a soundtrack, don't you think? I'm thankful for the fun, most wacky family a girl could have. I have parents who love each other and desire to please God, a talented brother who is such a gentleman, and a "sister" that lets me talk about the same things over and over.
I'm thankful for cell phones and emails, for calls and notes, and mixed CD's, even when life gets busy. I'm thankful for inside jokes I have with my best friends. I'm thankful for great plays, for my car, and the way Jillian yells at me JUST when I'm about to give up on the crunches.
I'm thankful I live in a place with such amazing doctors, wonderful education, and the freedom to worship the way I want. I'm thankful for my scars and freckles. I'm thankful for touching novels that I think about for weeks after I've turned the last page, movies with a purpose, and sweet poetry.
I'm thankful for random mall trips with my bff in the nursing program, old home movies, glasses and contact lenses. I'm thankful for water droplets that gather on the leaves, study breaks that end in a dance-off, and umbrellas and rainboots.
I'm thankful for singleness and the blessing that it brings. I'm thankful for Nate Edwardson, and his desire to let Jesus flow through his words every Sunday. I'm thankful for The Stirring, and how God is working in my sinful heart.
I'm thankful for people who challenge my thinking, people who inspire creativity, and people who make me laugh from my gut.
I'm grateful for democracy and freedom and for men and women who defend those rights. I'm thankful for green tea, cold days, and blasting music. I'm thankful for sleepy eyes, and the words "I Love You." I'm thankful for boys.
I'm thankful for sweatshirts and pea coats, leggings and stilettos. I'm thankful for soap and toothpaste, candles and nail polish.
I'm thankful for neon notecards, study buddies, and fleece blankets.

If thankfulness were a fireworks show, this would be the grand finale. I'm thankful for the indescribable love of a Sovereign God who is so involved in the lives of His girls. THAT'S the relationship that sets my heart and imagination on fire, that sets my feet to dancin, that shines a light on all my darkness, that fills me up with purpose, promise, and worth.
When change happens, He holds on to me. When tragedy comes out of nowhere, He holds onto me. In my most wonderful moments and in my most tragic moments, I'm safe in the arms of a God who will never let me go.
Because of Him, every moment matters. On this side of heaven, we'll have to swim through used cliches and adjectives to try and explain God's glory. Maybe that's for the best. Where words fail, we can can love, serve, and live lives that resonate that crazy beautiful love.
I can't think of a better way to explain what He means to me than by living a life sold out for Him. The way we impact the world will never be through having the most amazing car, the most gorgeous dress, or the most celebrity-packed party the world has ever seen. The way we impact the world will come from the time we spend with Him~ in His Word, in worship, in prayer~ and how we allow His all-consuming love to change our hearts. The way we love and serve other people (especially those who can do absolutely nothing for us in return) changes everything.

Paul writes about Thankfulness in several places. In Colossians 2:7, he instructs the church to be "overflowing with thankfulness." Paul had as much reason as anybody to find something to complain about, but he seemed to find true freedom and closeness with God when he acknowledged how God was working in his life.
I don't think God is put off when we wrestle with disappointment and frustration. True gratefulness doesn't have to be an obnoxious, over-the-top optimism. It doesn't mean we won't grieve through legitimate heartbreaks and hard times. Living in gratefulness does make us more keenly aware of how God is working.

Being grateful people helps us to get over ourselves and get caught up in what He's doing all around us.

I am choosing gratitude.

Maycee Quinn Halcrow.

7 pounds and 10 oz of pure love was born yesterday. She was a tiny 20 inches long, but I know she's going to be brave and beautiful.

I am rejoicing with you, Kev and Jen! :) I love you all to pieces, and can't wait to hold my baby cousin and kiss her darling cheeks.

I hold on.

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that trys to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we’ll hold on to you always

I know the journey seems so long
You feel your walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting

I can’t wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing….

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face

There will be a day, He’ll wipe away the stains, He’ll wipe away the tears, He’ll wipe away the tears…..there will be a day.

When it all goes awry...

HE is faithful.

Sometimes... sometimes I miss it.

Knowing everyone's name, hugging everyone, the lighter homework load, the drama practices, the teacher's investing in you, knowing how to meet people where they're at, not having to worry about study groups or review sessions, being spontaneous, having random fun, trips to Dutch Bros, walks to get sandwiches, sloshing in puddles just because, working on set design or choreography, English class, Mrs. Henry, laying on the grass gazing at the sky, unplanned worship sessions, jumping off flights of stairs, doodling in class, laughing at the easiness of anatomy, being a teacher's aid, being the Candy Queen, basketball games with under classmen, watching Food Network after school, being completely devoted to the kids, small group once a week, taking weekend trips, staying home if I'm sick, going to bed at 8, having to wear dresses once a week, dissecting for pleasure, playing ring-around-the-rosy at break time, being bored at lunch, blogging, the smiling secretaries, the small core lunch group, not having anything on my agenda...

Yes, it's very true. There are days when I miss it. Lots.

Because I know hardly anyone's names, I hug those I know, I have homework spilling out my ears, I don't practice for anything, the teacher's are teachers, I have to work at meeting people where they're at, my life consists of study groups and review sessions, eating an animal cracker from a friend's lunch in the amount of spontaneity I understand, fun is scheduled and often cancelled, I don't remember how to get to dutch bros, walking is a waste of precious time, sloshing in puddles is irresponsible, there is nothing to paint or dance to, my English class bores me to literal tears, Mrs. Henry is at a different school, I would never lay on the grass because there's too much to get done, nothing goes unplanned, I haven't jumped off of anything since school started, doodling equals death, I cry at the severity of anatomy, I will never have time to be a TA, I can't eat candy for fear of gaining the freshman 15, basketball games are out of the question, I can't remember the last time I watched TV, my mind is constantly swirling with the assignments I have hanging over my head, small group doesn't exist, weekend trips aren't an option, I go to school every.single.day whether I'm sick or not, I go to bed at eleven on a good day, I am a loner in my dress wearing and sometimes feel dumb, dissecting is stressful, break times are just fifteen extra minutes to study, I feel guilty for blogging, I have no lunchtime, my agenda is booked... for the next four years.

Give me strength, Jesus. I know you are faithful and your plan is perfect.

You get your own, crazy kid :)

Yes, this special little boy gets a post of all his own. Call me crazy, but this sweet boy has done so much in my little life. I truly believe little boys have such beautiful abilities with older girls. Let me tell you about this amazing boy.

*He knows EXACTLY when to give me a hug. He knows the second he sees me. He will either run super fast and jump into my arms or simply say "dank you for picking me up, lyssa." He always knows which one it needs to be.
*He calls piggy back rides "pee-pee back rides". honestly?! Major cuteness.
*He loves his "broder" and "seester" and asks them all the time if he can "get dem a cup." He has a love affair with milk, you see.
*He loves one-on-one time, and begs to just sit on the couch and cuddle.
*He hates going to bed, but says he'll be fine if I give him a kiss to scare away the bad guys.
*He adores his daddy. When daddy pulls in the driveway he screams (and I mean, screams!)..."My daddy's home! Come on, Lyssa, wet's go see him!"
*He sings love songs to Jesus in the backseat when I pick him up from daycare.
*He has a blue blankie that he absolutely cannot live without, but he told me the other day that if I needed to borrow it for my "big test", I could.
*He has the most darling smile and the biggest heart.

My sweet Zachary,
Your hugs make me melt. I could hold you in my arms forever if you let me. Your simple love for Jesus makes my heart so happy. The sweet joy of the Lord is so evident in your baby blue eyes. Thanks for praying for me... I hope you know it helps. I just imagine your sweet voice when I am stumped or discouraged. I will always always always cuddle with you, and give you kisses to scare away the bad guys. I will always get up off the couch and go see daddy with you, and I will always praise God when you sing your sweet songs to Him. I will always wash "Blanket", and take delight in watching your face when I come surprise you with it from the dryer. I will always want to kiss your little cheeks when you smile that little smile and I will continue to pray for your big heart. I am praying that you use it for the glory of the One you sing to every day. You're almost four. Whoa. Slow down for Lyssa, okay? I want to soak in the "three year old you" some more.
I love you "even more than I love that shiny blue drum set", sweet baby boy.
~Lyssa

Four more.

I have decided to do a series... four people a post. Four special people that I love and adore and wish nothing but God's abundant blessings on your life.

First up today is a woman of many roles. My school nurse, my employer, my listening ear, my second mommy. Today I went up and sobbed in your office after getting a test score... and you just hugged me and cried with me. You said you remembered the days of crazy stress and studying so hard you have no life left in you... only to get a C on paper or exam. You told me to hold my head up high, because we serve a God that is waaayyyy bigger than any exam. That the same God who planted the dreams, desires, and drive in my little heart will carry those out in the best way possible. Do you know how much it means to me to have someone to run to day in and day out? To have someone that will speak into me words of truth regarding the majestic God you and I serve? Let me tell you, Momma Echols, It means SO much more than you will ever know. I will bend over backwards for you and your family... you have blessed me beyond measure. I love you.


Pam. The woman in Redding that everyone knows. I get to be under your teaching... and while I want to pull my hair out, bang my head against a wall, and/or incur brain damage so I don't have to study anymore... you are the most brilliant woman I know. and I mean that. I have never met a woman so passionate about the human body and how God designed it. I remember you telling us on the first day of class, "If you die for me, you can bet your bottom dollar I'll die for you." And this has remained true. Thanks for WANTING to see us succeed, and being there for us when we don't. You are a classy woman, one with amazing resolve and dignity. I thank God for you!


The drive-through people at In-N-Out. You are the friendliest people in the whole world! It pretty much majorly makes my day when I get to go eat there (which, sadly, is all.the.time!). I love your smiles and royal waves... and how you are starting to know exactly what I want... even being the {{picky}} eater that I am! You make my day.

Okay, so I'm just doing three today (and the last one doesn't really count, although I meant it!)... I want each one to count, not be an afterthought.

xoxoxo.

I love you :)

Real or pretend, I have the best family in the world. But today, I am talking about the pretend family. The family that God has blessed me with in this season of my life.

My brother, Er. Gosh... pretty sure I have never met a more selfless man in my life. I love that you are constantly asking me if you can do anything to help and telling me you are praying for me. I know you love Jesus, and I love that you are pursuing him with your heart, mind, soul, and strength. Hugs for you, my friend.

I have many many many sisters. But just to name a few...


Lauren. Sweet Lauren, who I see not-so-often... but when I do (like this weekend, for instance!) my heart is just filled with so much joy. Why? Because we never have any problem picking up where we left off. You are SO talented, and your spunky heart makes me just love Jesus more. We have been through lots, theatre buddy. Having similar passions, tastes, dispositions, morals, and loves just makes me believe we were absolutely destined to be friends from the beginning. Love you.

Emma. You've heard the story countless times, my friend. It.Blows.My. Mind. that we are friends. But God knows best :) He knows that you have impacted my life in a way that I never even could've imagined. He knows that I think you are lovely and beautiful and wonderful. And He knows that I would give almost anything to have me some Emma time. Hugs and kisses especially for you, Emmy :)


Caitlin. The newest addition to this blessed family :) Basically, I have never known so much about one girl in so little time. God knew that day in chapel when I embarrassingly asked you dumb questions that we were going to be lifelong friends :) I love the jokes we have, the loud laugh that we both get that turns heads, and our scarily similar fashion taste. I love impressing fellow students when we can whip through muscle notecards or bone models, and I love that we never wonder who we are going to sit next to in chapel. But all of this aside... I LOVE that we are growing together in Christ. Praying with you, conversing with you, wondering with you, praising God with you... I am so thankful for it all. God has truly blessed me with a stunning, godly sister. I love you! :)

I could go on and on and on and on and on about these four people. And I could go on and on and on (you get the picture) for days about fifty more people. Maybe I'll start doing this more often... taking four people at a time.

I love you, guys. Thanks for blessing me!

Sing to the Lord, for He is good.

The song that came to my heart, then my lips... on this rainy day filled with candles, slippers, music, and muscles.

I will run, I will run this race,
And I will do it all for love.
Your love compels me forward,
Your love controls my heart,
And I just can't, I cannot get away.

So I will fight this good fight of faith,
And I will do it all for love.
You are my great reward,
You're so worth fighting for
And I can't wait to see Your face.

So I will run, I will run this race,
And I will do it all for love.
Your love compels me forward,
Your love controls my heart,
And I just can't, I cannot get away.

So I will fight this good fight of faith,
And I will do it all for love.
You are my great reward,
You're so worth fighting for
And I can't wait to see Your face,
And I can't wait to see Your face.

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

You're a Lifer.

Kissing in the rain, talks lit only by moonlight, falling asleep next to each other, the sweet romantic guy whispering in her ear... these are always my favorite parts of movies. I talk through the whole movie until those scenes, then a hush falls over the room, followed my a collective sigh.
After a day like today, I would normally write about love that looks that way. I would right about how hard and lonely it can be to wait for a guy who loves God and respects me and who kisses me in the rain after I've been with the kids all day. This is where I would write about how hard it is to wait for real love, how fabulous and frustrating guys can be and how thankful I am for them. I would remind myself that this season is special and worthwhile whether I get a bouquet of purple gerber daises, or just a hug from Caitlin and a box of kleenex.

And all of those things are still very much true.


But there's a pretty amazing love that God has allowed me to have in this season. A "love" story all of it's own. It has nothing to do with star-crossed lovers or kisses in the rain. It isn't a love story between a guy and a girl, even though I'm a major sucker for those. It's something that happened by the grace of God... between two best friends.

Go snag some hot chocolate and let me tell you about these friends.


There is a girl...Her name is Alyssa. She drives down to Southern California to check out a potential college with her youth group. Sounds simple, right? God had other plans.

Shift over to Emma. There is a group of high schoolers coming to stay the night at her house in Southern California while they look at a potential college. Sounds simple, right? God had other plans.

The weekend progressed. This college was looked at, a trip to Disney was made, food was eaten, laughter had taken place. It's Alyssa's last night in town. She is at Emma's house, loving dessert time. The crowd starts to scatter. Some go to bed, others to play games... but four girls stick around. Two of them being Emma and Alyssa. Encouraging and challenging conversation takes places... then Emma goes to her room for bed, and the three NorCal girls go to sleep, too. On the way out, Alyssa says to her friend, Kaylin, "I really really liked Emma."

Fast forward. Everyone is back home, life is moving on. Alyssa and Emma are now friends on Facebook, and some conversations have slowly started to emerge... just over Facebook messaging and the occasional text, but Alyssa just loves sweet Emma.

This story could have a chapter (or five or ten) dedicated just to sweet Emma. She is the most beautiful girl you ever did see, and has a heart of gold. She is defined by Christ and her love for Him is so evident in her daily life.

Slowly, God starts to form this friendship. Some might say they did things "backwards." By this, I mean they learned the deepest, most intimate details about each other's hearts, leaving {close to} nothing out. They did not know favorite colors, favorite foods, or the little quirks. But the foundation? The absolute core of a friendship? That came early. The desire to seek after the kingdom of heaven was so evident in this friendship from week one.


Now, for the present day. This friendship is so so breathtaking. The hand of God is so at work in every aspect of Emma and Alyssa's friendship. Together, they are able to seek God's plan... through the lovely, sing-a-song, daisy picking days, and through the remind-yourself-that-God-is-God days. They love each other. They are there for each other. Always. Forever. No matter what.

Alyssa would die for Miss Emma. John 15:13. That is how much she loves this girl.

This story is still being written. Lord-willing, this story will continue to be written for the rest of there lives. The story might increase in characters (husband, children, pets)... but the core of this friendship stays the same. Jesus. HE is the core. Emma's heart, Alyssa's heart... they may fail. But the Word of their amazing God? That stands FOREVER. He will not fail. He will not forsake. He will not hurt and wound.

This, my friends, is the story of Emmy and Lyss.


When I think about Emmy and Lyss, I think about Ruth and Naomi. There was a war going on. They had to make a long journey alone. Their world was in an uproar, and so were their hearts.
At one point, Naomi begs Ruth to turn around and leave her. Ruth looks at Naomi and says, "Don't urge me to leave you or turn my back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay." (Ruth 1:16)
Ruth was in it for good. She and Naomi were "lifers", a term that I lovingly use to describe Emmy and Lyss. No matter what happens, they're doing life together.

Today was one not-so-hot day. I am thinking tonight about all the different kinds of love in my life right now. This day made it a great excuse to tell people I love them~ my parents, my brother, and my "lifers".

The Emmy and Lyss story also reminds me of the love that surpasses every other love. Even the sweetest love I can experience on earth can't compare to His. He's the One who thought I was worth giving up a life for. Today I came home and took a look at John 17 and 1 Corinthians 13. You and I are, truly, deeply loved.

When I hear the word "love" so casually kicked around, I'm not just going to picture the end scene from my favorite movie. Love is more than a sweeping kiss or bright flowers or faded sunsets. Love is also a simple college trip, mind-blowing conversation, lifting one another up in prayer, and two friends that would do anything for each other.

They're holding on to each other, and they're holding on to the One that never let's go.


Emmy, I love you so much. You are a "lifer".
~Lyss :)

Thoughts for the Kiddos...

I have been burdened this week with the world. The icky world we live in... and it's only getting worse. I go pick up my kids from school, and I hear about the lies they were fed, the words that are being programmed into their little brains. It hurts my heart.

Everywhere I turned this week, people were speaking to my favorite three little ones in the whole world. The TV, coaches, peers, songs, teachers. And all of them speaking into their lives.

Telling them who they are. Who they are suppose to be. Who they want to be. Who they should become.

Sadly, the cry of the masses speak so many things into their lives that I don't agree with. Actually, I more than disagree with them, for I know most of what they are telling them is wrong. You are successful if you do _____, Happiness is ______,You are worth something if you_______, You need to be more. You need to be less. You need to be whatever. I'm so sick of the lies!

The world wants to tell them who they are. Invite them on a journey to "find" themselves. Maybe I think too simply about this, but can't the answer to who we are be defined by just this? We are what Jesus thinks about us.

We are His. We were planned. We were created for His purposes. Created for His pleasure. We are His temple. We are precious in His sight. We are forgiven. We are new. We were cleansed to walk in fellowship with Him. We are beloved. We are His bride. We are chosen. We are adopted as sons. We are permanent. We are dependent. We are Desperate. We are free. We are loved and clothed in the blood of the Most High's son, Jesus. That's who we are.

Ok, so how do I instill that into the children that God has so graciously allowed me to spend so much time with? Not a puffed up self-esteem, but Christ esteem?

I think it's this: He has to be the loudest voice they hear. My job is to help make their world a place they can hear HIM. We need to silence the voices we can. Speak against the ones we can't. And mostly, we need to speak His word into their precious, hungry, impressionable hearts. I mean looking them in their eyes and telling them who Jesus has made them to be. Who He sees them as. Affirming the gifts we see in them. Warning them about the sins we know Jesus wants to rid them from. Speaking TRUTH into their lives.

I am ready to fight.

Noticing the Beauty...

Here are a few of the things I added today to the notice journal...
~I love how I can feel every single muscle in my body when it contracts thanks to Jillian. It hurts SO good.
~I love how water never tastes as good as it does right after working out.
~I love how the simplicity in a text message can make someone's day.
~I love when I hear random outbursts of "I love you!"
~I love accidental harmonizing that turns out lovely.
~I love the excitement of walking to chapel, wondering what songs we will get to sing that day.
~I love Caitlin's mousy little voice, and the way every single professor knows when it's her talking.
~I love that we named our cat after a real person.
~I love when moms talk to the baby in her stroller.
~I love shoes with bows or jewels on them.
~I love recognizing an old face.
~I love when people have their keys on a "leash", and they swing them.
~I love the smell of the wellness center.
~I love that the competitiveness of nursing has started to subside, and instead.... we just want to see each other succeed.
~I love when people's mouths fly wide open when they laugh.
~I love burning things up in chemistry.
~I love learning surprising facts about people's lives.
~I love telling stories that magnify what an amazing God I serve.
~I love the soothing, passionate sound of the cello.
~I love the smile that girls get when a boy calls them by name.
~I love singing in an empty room.
~I love being challenged in my faith through conversations with friends.
~I love voice messages and skype.
~I love that the petals of the flower are a different color than the little circle in the middle.
~I love the richness of the color purple.
~I love how boys are better with girls when they have older sisters.
~I love that pumpkins are associated with fall.
~I love the warmness in the cinnamon smell.
~I love putting new nail polish on.
~I love the way my ring sparkles when it hits the sun just right.
~I love knowing that my perfect God has a husband picked out for me.
~I love slowing down and listening.
~I love colorful umbrellas.
~I love brutally honest friends.
~I love the selflessness in studying with someone that's not in your class.
~I love the way my head fits perfect in my hand when I sit with it cocked up in class.
~I love the consistency in anatomy homework and studying.
~I love that I have to plan break times.
~I love that I have fallen hard and fast for the God of the Universe.
~I love that He has made me content with His love.
~I love that He has healed the broken and made me new.
~I love that each day is a gift, a chance to start fresh.
~I love that my English teacher never has any clue what he's doing.
~I love that my cell phone is becoming less and less important.
~I love seeing boys that take the lead.
~I love that when all else fails, my God is faithful.
~I love the beauty that is on the earth JUST for us to enjoy and savor.
~I love that He makes beautiful things out of the dust.



~I L.O.V.E. that the joy of the LORD is my strength.

Oh, Jesus. I am so so in love with you.

Beautiful Things :)

You make beautiful things.

Out of Dust. Out of us..... my family, my friends, my teachers.

Out of ME.

Whoa.

Continue to make me new.... Slow me down :) I don't want to miss anything You are doing.

I love You, Jesus.

I am in love.

I am in love.
With the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. My Rock and my Redeemer. My Sovereign God.

I am in love with my Jesus. The Jesus who captured my heart and made it His.

I am in love.


Let me say it just one more time...... I have fallen hard. I am head over heels.... I am in love.

Blessed.

I am so thankful right now. It's my first weekend that I actually have some time do to things like blogging! I am blessed beyond measure... that's really all I have to say right about now. Old friendships are continuing to be strengthened and grown, and new friendships are forming with full force!
College is beautiful. I have never made friends so fast in my entire life. Maybe it's because of the rigor of the nursing program, maybe it's because it's just a bigger sea with more fish... I'm not sure, but I do know that God has blessed me with some amazing friends. In four weeks, I have made lifelong friends. I know it. We have been through thick and thin in just these four short weeks. Intense joy, intense fear, intense anxiety, intense confusion, intense conversations, intense happiness, intense bonding, intense love, intense growing, intense life! All of it :) We've done it together... in FOUR weeks. That blows my mind. We have found our niche, each of us enjoying the time spent together, still getting to know each other and how each of us works and thinks. It will be fun to see where we are in just another four short weeks! :) Caitlin and Carissa, Taylor, Kat, and Abbey too... I love you :) I can't wait watch God's plan for our core little group unfold!

Then there's the old friends...
My dear friend Kaylin, who I love and miss so very much... it's just not the same without my Sunday morning hug :) I know God is doing beautiful things through you and in you... and I can't wait to see you in a couple weeks!

My lovely little friend E. I see you less and less, you know! But I love that you hang out with the football team and are enjoying senior year :) I'm going to come see your choir concerts and cheer embarrassingly loud, because I love choir, and I love you. So you're welcome in advance.

Finally, Miss Emma. My miracle friend. Today I sat and talked with you for twenty five minutes about worldliness... and how you and I get to trust in Christ alone... that He will sustain and carry us. How blessed am I? To be loved by Jesus so much, that he would let me know you. I am DAILY blessed by you. I have been rebuked, challenged, encouraged, and loved by the most beautiful darling young woman whose faith draws me to my knees. Because of you, I love Jesus more. What more could I ask for? Yes, you are in the "old friend" pile... but the "forever friend" pile? You are at the top of the list, sweet best friend. I love you so much, and miss you like crazy. Hugs and kisses for you :)

My kids... For now :)

Let me start off my saying... I love you. Each of you. So so much. God has placed you in my life for a reason, and I am blessed to be surrounded by such darling children.

Zachary,
Three years old and full of fire :) I adore you, do you know that? I have always loved you, but yesterday you were such a gentleman! You held doors open, pushed chairs in, chewed with your mouth closed... even got a milk cup for "broder" and "sissy." The words "I love you" melted my heart MORE than once, and the grip you had on my hand crossing the street made me smile so big :) :) The night went on, and sleep was starting to overtake you... you rested your sweaty curly hair on my shoulder, and asked me to pray with you. I did, and the peace in your handsome face was beautiful. Little Zachary, as you continue to get older and mature... I pray your love for Jesus will be more profound, more intentional, and more passionate. Love Jesus with everything you are, when it's easy... and when it's not too. Your daddy, mommy, becca, Em, and Nate love you... and sweet boy? So does Lyssa :)


Nathan,
I asked you how school was yesterday, and you said..."School was okay, but you walking in the house today made the whole week so great!" I have a secret for you. I had plans to "date" you since the beginning of the week... and I was SO excited, Nate! :) You have a spunk, crazy kid. A spunk so unique to you... and I love it. I love seeing your desire to serve and obey. It brings joy to my heart, handsome boy. I will never ever look at the moon the same... I will look at it with so much more awe and wonder. You said it, little love... God is majestic. Take that with you everywhere you go. Let it seep through you, and into the life you live. Let every single word, thought, and action be a reflection of the goodness of God. He loves you, Nathan Echols. He loves you with a love so beautiful, you can't even comprehend it! He is the only reason I love you. Think about that. We get to play, laugh, love , learn, sing, dance, hug, see... because of HIM! Whoa :) Pretty amazing, right? I cannot wait for the next adventure we have... Nanny dates are the best :) I love you, kiddo :)



Emily,
Sister. BEAUTIFUL, sister. How I love you. If I could spend five hours with you every day speaking truth into your life about how desired you are... I would, sweet girl. I would tell you that you are desired by the KING! He calls you Daughter. He adores you. When life is ugly and doesn't make sense... He is beautiful, and has power to wipe away confusion and bring perfect peace :) Em...Be thankful for the life God has allowed you to live, be a girl of resolve, daydream, sing out loud, dance in every kind of weather, see the beauty that surrounds you, remember that "Sometimes God calms the storm, other times He allows the storm to rage, and He calms His child", laugh until your stomach hurts, pick your battles, communicate effectively, see things through, set boundaries, treat people how you want to be treated, take your vitamins and eat healthy, take responsibility for your actions and sin, apologize humbly, make a list of things you want to do in life and work toward them!, LOVE... Darling Emily... above all, Love the Lord your GOD will all your heart, all your mind, all your soul, and all of your strength. He is the Giver and Sustainer of Life. If you delight yourself in HIM, He will give you the desires of your heart. I love you, Emily.

Overwhelmed!

Asking God to bring peace... so much stress!! I know this will all be worth it, right now I am just having a hard time missing out on so much social stuff :) God, you are faithful... show me how to do this!
Off to study.

Beauty :)

"No, life cannot be understood flat on a page. It has to be lived; a person has to get out of his head, has to fall in love, has to memorize poems, has to jump off bridges into rivers, has to stand in an empty desert and whisper sonnets under his breath... We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?" -Donald Miller,Through Painted Deserts

College Life

is bommmmb! Best time of my life is an understatement... and school hasn't even started yet!

YAYYY!

Elf logic :)

"I'm in love, I'm in love... and I don't care who know's it!"

There is some great logic, and value in this, Will Ferrell! Thank you!!

Jesus, I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU!!!....

AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!! :):)

L.O.V.E :)

Paisley, Lindsay, Ayden (I changed the spelling, Emmy), Will, Avery, Jackson, Carter, Audrey, Finley, Darcy~

The best kids names ever :)Except... we're missing some! Can't wait to add Kait's to the list! I LOVE the daydreaming... and this particular daydream happened weeks ago... and I'm stilled hooked on it!

Excited for the future :)

The Mommy Life :)

..... is such a beautiful life to live.

I'm leaving...

... ON A jet plane! Don't know when I'll be back again!! haha. Such great memories of this song. Probably the best was every single one of the seniors singing it on the plane back from the Virgin Islands :) The stewardesses LOVED it! hahaha. so funny ;)

anyway, the point of this post. I'm leaving. On a jet plane. But I DO know when I'll be back again! at the end of summer :) My summer is a little longer now that I'm a big college student! yahoo! Ohio to see the grandparents and aunt, back to sacramento to spend a week with a super great cousin and her family... then off to southern california for two weeks with my favorite cousins!! This summer has been a wild ride~ new friendships, old frienships, good days, better days, yummy food, babies galore, vacation, family, and so much more.

Jesus, thank you for allowing me to have fun. You are to be praised for everything!

Excitement!

I really truly cannot wait to see my Yucca family. I miss you guys.

Mommy Mode :)

This weekend I felt like I had my three very own children! I got to spend two whole days with the sweetest children... loving on them, playing with them, and disciplining when necessary! Oh, Jesus... thank you for creating us.

I wonder how anybody can ever ever deny that Jesus Christ lives. I really do wonder sometimes how the glory and power of God can be so foolishly overlooked.

My heart aches for the lost. The song of their life... is not a pretty sound. It's like clanging symbols and an out-of-tune piano. Choices made just add even more yucky instruments, making the sound loud and obnoxious. There is no hope of a future, of eternal life spent worshipping the Creator. No hope of a starlight symphony.

My heart is hurting tonight. Jesus, save them.

Nanny Notions :)

There are a few things I always do when I babysit....

1)Get to know the kids! It's not going to be any fun if I'm trying to play spaceship wars, and he wants to sit down and fingerpaint.

2)Find ways to make everything fun. "In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You FIND the fun, and... SNAP! The job's a game." I live by this philosophy while I am with children.

3)Have a devotional time. Even with infants. Granted, it looks different with a seven year old than with a baby. But, nonetheless, I always make time for Bible reading, worship through song, and prayer. Of everything else, this is the most important.

4) If I had to think of one of the most important things... it would be take the above and "become" one of them. I put myself in their shoes... and try to think, act, and play just like them... while still maintaining authority! Not only is this more fun for them... it's more fun for me! I have found that there are less disciplinary issues when you are willing to have fun, and let loose ;)

There are SO many more... I could probably write a book :) hahaha... I'll spare you, though! God has been gracious to allow me to learn as much as I have in such a short time.

While girls are more natural to adapt with (I AM a girl... and have girlie interests and loves... so it's easy!), boys can be harder. After watching who I now affectionately refer to as "my boys"... I have come up with tactics, adventures, and ideas on how relating to boys can be just as much fun as girls!

Here's the typical girlie day!
Wake up slowly... casually, daintily eat breakfast while discussing the outfit her doll is going to wear that day.
Dress above doll.
Clean up a small portion of the house for fifteen minutes (age dependant!). When the timer goes off, cleaning ceases :)
Outside time! Swinging, gardening, picking flowers.
Small snack time. Fruit is usually the only option :)
Ride bikes.
Lunch! Healthy, but filling. If they finish it all, a treat is SOMETIMES given. Not all the time, as they would come to expect it.
Afternoon Free Play. These are usually less-stimulating activites. Drawing time, puzzle working... etc.
Devotion time. Singing, praying, reading the Bible.
Rest time. Don't have to be sleeping, but must remain in room with door shut...
Small snack. Crackers, juice :)
show time! I usually only allow one show, as there are much more exciting activites than the TV.
.... "you choose" time. Girlies choose an activity and we do it!
This is the typical day for a little girl I am watching :) Structured, but fun!

THIS, on the other hand... is a BOY day! I think you notice there are quite different ;)
Already awake when I arrive. Immediately walk outside to begin baseball!
Switch from baseball to soccer.
Switch from soccer to frisbee.
Combine all three into a wild NEW sport.
Make pancakes.
Make MORE pancakes, as the 25 I made were not enough.
Play superheroes. I never have powers, they have all the powers... so I must figure out a way to escape the force field I am under!
"Switch Sides" Hmmm... I still have no powers, how did THAT work??
Wii time. Fast action, jumping, giggling, screaming, the works. 30 minutes, if it even keeps his attention that long!
Cuddling time! YA RIGHT... only in my dreams!
More soccer/baseball/frisbee
Bug-Squishing time. This is my favorite activity of the day! (*sarcasm!)... but... I, sad to say, often partake is this boyish pasttime. (refer to nanny notion #4)
Attempted movie time. Finding Nemo, Monsters Inc., The Incredibles, Toy Story, Meet the Robinsons...
More adventure time! Walk, ride bikes, scavenger hunt, hide and seek, etc.
Oh, right. Lunch. Boys have to eat... and so do I to keep up with them! In N Out it is! I know, I'm crazy.
Sweet Spot. Yet again, I know. I'm crazy!
Any other errands that need to be done.
head home... have talk on ride home about the behavior expected when we enter the house. Crazy time was for the morning, afternoon time is chill and calm.
Play with legos. I stress being calm.
Build a "ship" with blankets and chairs. I stress being calm.
Put on soothing music. I stress being calm.
Um... I stress being calm, of course!
Have devo time in the ship we built :)
Room time. By this time, they are almost calmed down, but if there is punishment any time during the day, this is usually where it has to happen :/
Reading time. they choose the book, I read it! OR, they read it to ME! that's my favorite :)
Snack time... fruit!
"You choose" time. Boys are given two or three options, and they are allowed to choose which one we do! (different that the girls, huh?!) Again, these are calm, group activites. Make a card for mom, draw a picture, laundry folding (believe it or not, some of them LOVE this!), puzzle building, etc.


See?! Boys are a crazy, wild ride... but oh so much fun :)

Next time on Nanny Notions... toddler techniques!

Thank you, Jesus.

Today was one whirlwind of a day~ Crazy misunderstanding with a friend that came out of nowhere and was upsetting... fussy baby girl... failed credit card attempt... enjoyable ride out to the middle of nowhere with an old friend... greeted out in the middle of nowhere by tons of people... played legos with an adorable little boy and his sis... drove home exhausted but still willing to sing real loud... stopped for Chinese... entered an empty house... took a shower and wrote furiously fast in the steam on the walls... and here we are :)

I sit here, just marveling at this day. The crazy day that has almost come to a close. I truly felt almost every emotion possible... Anger, joy, relief, sadness, excitement, surprise, guilt, thankfulness, peace, love, fear, anticipation, awe, disappointment, remorse, love... I felt all of these today... and as I was marveling... I began to sing. It's funny (or not so funny... more like divine) how God chooses to place the words of a song in my mouth and heart at just the right time...

"Behold the Man upon a cross, My sin upon His shoulders,
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice, Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there, Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life, I know that it is finished"
~How Deep the Father's Love for Us.

I love this song. I love it because it always gets me thinking... thinking that I know I take the cross of Christ for granted... Thinking that I am too callous regarding His love for me. I have always believed in the Lord. I cannot remember a single day of my life that I have not been aware of the fact that God created the world. Man is born a sinner. Sinner needs salvation to reconcile oneself to God. Sinner cannot do this on his own. Sinner needs a Savior. Jesus is that Savior. Jesus bore my sin on the cross, died that I might live. I have always believed these truths. I have also always considered myself a passionate person. Passionate about what God chose to do in my heart, a transformation so ornate and beautiful it can hardly be put into words. But as I sat there, pondering the emotions in my day... I couldn't help but think I can always use more passion for the Creator of the skies, the seas, the land, the trees, the people I am around every single day. Passion of what I have been saved from. Yes, knowing Christ my whole life has "saved" me from various sins. I have never been drunk or high, I don't cuss, I plan to wear a white dress on my wedding day in every way, I will be faithful to my husband, etc..... I am in so many ways a goodie two shoes. The sins we see as "major" in our finite minds- these sins I was saved from committing and have also been saved from the guilt that they carry.
But I think one of the big truths that I have missed lately- is that I wasn't just saved from doing those things- I have been saved and forgiven by the sins I commit daily, hourly, multiple times in a minute. I am a sinner, and I need a Savior. My sin is just as detestable to God's holiness as any other's. The sins of discontentment, fear, pride, worldliness, greed, selfishness, impatience, anger.... The sins that the Savior hung on the cross for, the sins that I need to hate. These sins, I wash over, I disregard, I ignore. I don't hate them enough to realize how big His love is. I don't appreciate the cross the way I need to.
CJ Mahaney struck me when he said this in "The Gospel Centered Life."
"As we watch Jesus pray in agony in Gethsemane, He has every right to turn His tearful eyes toward you and me and shout, "This is your cup. You're responsible for this. It's your sin! You drink it." This cup should rightfully be thrust into my hand and yours. Instead, Jesus freely takes it Himself... so that from the cross He can look down at you and me, whisper our names, and say "I drain this cup for you- for you have lived in defiance of Me, who have hated Me, who have opposed Me. I drink it all... for you." This is what our sin makes necessary. This is what's required by your pride, by your selfishness and my selfishness, by your disobedience and my disobedience. Behold Him... behold His suffering... and recognize His love."
Praying for a deeper hate of my sin, and a greater, more passionate love and appreciation for my Savior!

God, are you writing this down?? :)

I am officially the most excited I have ever been (so far!!) about being a wife and mommy! I have dates picked, names picked, careers chosen, honey nights planned, and even plans for annual vacations!! What could be better?!

In all seriousness, God... You do with me what you will. Wherever You want me to go, I will go... because I know YOUR plans for me are so so perfect!

But hey... there is nothing wrong with a little daydreaming ;)

Always, Forever, No Matter What.

Pool time with a forever friend = thankfulness.

I am so blessed to have been close enough to such a best friend... close enough to hug her and hear her voice... to spend time with her in a way that isn't normally possible! God is so so good. Friendships centered around Christ are so beautiful and lovely.

I so love you, sweet Emmy. Thanks for your encouragement, patience, listening ear, giggling, girliness, and love for Jesus. You are beautiful!

Hugs,
Alyssa

Picturing it.

"When the waves crashed and spilled, they flashed silver... as if caught in a camera's flash."

Fear and Redemption.

There are a few things I have always been afraid of... things unique to me, at least at my age. While others are worried about how cool a car is or a swimsuit giving off ugly tan lines... my mind goes to the future. Sometimes I acknowledge the fear, other times I push it to the back of my mind. The other day fear caught up to me, and resulted in some pretty interesting conversation with Jesus :) Here's how it went...

I had the immense privilege of going to an ultrasound with my aunt to find out the sex of their new sweet little baby. It was one of the best experiences ever. The look on Kevin's face the whole time was enough to make me go get married right now. It was the sweetest look I have ever seen... I honestly cannot think of a time I've seen a man more filled with happiness. I cried with excitement and pure joy when the announcement was made! The baby is going to be a beautiful girl :) Anyway, as I was sitting there... I daydreamed. I cannot wait until that is ME one day. My husband there holding my hand, while we find out together whether we will be shopping for blue or pink :) (although I'm thinking green and brown for boy, and yellow and purple for girl... but that's just logistics!) I can't wait to experience every little detail of pregnancy... the morning sickness, the dry skin, the movin and shakin, the swollen ankles, the "glow", the maternity clothes, the questions.... ah, all of it! I've got the mommy bug. At 18... and sometimes there's no stopping the level of daydreaming! But as I sat there, it was like this immediate switch from joyous to fearful. The sneaky little devil found his way into my brain... and planted his routine thoughts of doubt and insecurity. I am scared of not being pursued by a Godly man, or rather... any man at all. I am scared of not being able to get pregnant. I am scared of being an incapable mother. Fear was bombarding my brain in that little ultrasound room, and I was burdened. So I sat there and talked to Jesus about it. Most of the time, I talk to Him out loud... it feels more real to me I suppose. But this conversation took place in the quiet place of my heart... the most unspoken place. And, as usual, God brought peace. His plan is so perfect for me, and when I am delighting in Him... He will grant me the desires of my heart!... that means being a wife and mommy. God is so faithful to show me that He will never ever fail me. When fear creeps in, He is there to snuff the fire. What a mighty God I serve.
Needless to say, I walked out of that ultrasound ready to celebrate with my aunt and her sweet sweet family.

The fear gone, excitement replacing it... the rest of the night was spent trying to convince Kevin that his new little girl was going to be named Charlotte!


***** I added a couple more names to my name list!! Avery, Finley, and Aiden :)

Fruit!

While I am oh so happy to be home, there is one thing that I am really missing!

Picking fruit off of trees whenever I wanted to. Mangoes, bananas, papaya, soursop, apples.... ah, I think I ate at LEAST one of each every single day.

To The Graduating Class of 2010,

If there were ever a time to dare, to make a difference, to embark on something worth doing...It is now. Not for any grand cause, necessarily - but for something that tugs at your heart, something that is worth your aspiration, something that is your dream. You owe it to yourself to make your days count. Have fun. Dig deep. Stretch.

Dream big.
Know, though, that things worth doing seldom come easy. There will be times when you want to turn around, pack it up and call it quits...Those times tell you that you are pushing yourself and that you are not afraid to learn by trying.

Persist.
Because with an idea,determination and the right tools, you can do great things. Let your instincts, your intellect, and your heart guide you.

Trust.
Believe in the incredible power of the human mind, of doing something that makes a difference, of working hard, of laughing and hoping, of lasting friends, of all the things that will cross your path.

Find Beauty.
Beauty is everywhere. Just open your eyes! The "simple" things of this earth will slowly become not so "simple" anymore.

LOVE.
Love deeply... with a sincere love. A love that is never ceasing, rather always constant. A love that is not judgemental, rather compassionate and seeks to understand. A love that KNOWS NO BOUNDS!

Determine Priorities.
Jesus. May He always have full reign of our lives.

The lockers are cleaned out, the books turned it... Next year, the start of something new brings the hope of something great. Anything is possible... There is only one you, and you will pass this way but once.

So live this life! And live it well.

Oh, how I love each and every one of you.
~Alyssa

Remembering.

I'm just thinking back to times when life was simple. The days when nothing else in life mattered besides having Jesus in my heart, family to love, friends to lean on and plenty of hope for a beautiful future. Those were the days when life was easy, and I'm convinced it's necessary to get back there before I can officially move forward.


SO... today I am remembering. Talking to Jesus about how grateful I am for every single piece of my life... but especially the simple times.

....

I wonder sometimes why God allows me to go through what I go through.

But I cling to this~ He is being glorified.

Friends, Food, Laughter... and of course a little Audrey :)

Last night was SO fun. 8 girls, one house... TONS of craziness. We got there at 6, put our stuff in the girlie room, and looked around. Modern paintings, sleek decor, comfy atmosphere... beauty. We ate dinner~ soup, salad, bread. Lots of bread. We ate on a converted door that was made into a table. No joke. Huge table! We cleaned up, then spontaneously decided to play a game. Guesstures, it is! Two teams of four, one completely dominating the other! We played three rounds, and still weren't sick of it... but decided we needed some dessert. We learned to talk in an African language on the way to the kitchen, and even did some tribal dances ;) We had peanut butter pie for dessert. Ummm, heaven is the only word worthy of describing that pie. Then, the movie marathon began. We got all ready for bed (pj's on, teeth brushed, beds ready), and settled it. Ten Things I Hate About You was first on the list. L and I were asleep within ten minutes. The lights were out, and I had a blankie, I couldn't help it! Next thing I knew, lights were on... first movie over, Gilmore Girls in! I'm all for a little GG, so I decided to stay up... until I got tired twenty minutes later and fell back asleep. In that twenty minutes, I accomplished alot! K and I ate a box of Mike and Ike's... and even contemplated making some more bread. Bread notion was declined. hahahaha. Slept through the night, and all woke up to Baby meowing at the door. We let him in, and put on Breakfast at Tiffany's. AUDREY HEPBURN. I needn't say anymore. we ate chocolate chip pancakes and strawberries, and laughed some more... then headed home.

I love you, girls! thanks for the great conversation.

Some good, some better.

I think every day is a good day, some are just better than others.

This week was "better", today was just good. Today I had to search for the beauty, and I got stung a few times too. On the bright side, these past few days I've seen beauty in every corner, and no pain.


Get me through these last few days with dignity, Jesus.

Reality.

Reality is quickly sinking in to my little brain. I have 20 days left with the people I love. 7 of those days will be spent on a tropical island, and then we will come home and graduate. We'll say hi every now and then on FB, but other than that, June 1st is goodbye to kids that I have known for years. Same classes, same teachers, same lunch-time routine. For years. I spend more time with them than I do my own family. I have been so blessed to be surrounded by these people. I am cherishing every.single.moment and will not look back and say I wasted this time. No, this time will be spend making memories and rejoicing together in the fact that... wow, we just completed 14 years of school. Only four more to go!

HUZZAH!

A Myriad of Little Things...

... more often than not add up to make something pretty great!

Conversation of photography, children's names, marriage, purity, and dozens of other one sentence rabbit trails... all make for one amazing little chat.

There are some people I am friends with that never cease to continually show me the beauty of this life. I am so blessed to be living the life that I am living. God just blesses my socks off with the way He orchestrates events.

Who woudld've thought... a two day trip. Purpose~ to check out a Christian college. Outcome~ four girls get to talking, not at all knowing that God has a beautiful plan for each one of them... and that those perfect plans???

They just might be connected, somehow making them all that much more... well, beautiful.

God, you are so so so great!

"I love more than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow."

Talkin to Jesus

Jesus,
My Daddy, Papa, and Best Friend… I love you with every fiber of my being. Shake the foundations of my heart. Touch my lips and touch my life. I will not burn out; I will burn bright. I want to see you, Daddy. I want to learn to love the way You love. Change scares me. But in this moment of transition, in this weird season of unfamiliarity and sudden loss, I’m still going to seek Your face. I’m not looking for anyone else’s approval anymore. No more emptiness. For I will always be empty when not in Your presence. Bathe me in the Holy Spirit, Jesus. I want to do something brave and beautiful. From the deepest corners of my trembling heart, I’m whispering these words: Here I am. Send me. Because my days don’t mean anything if they don’t belong to You. I praise You with everything I am… and I love you forever.
Yours,
Alyssa

I will Live.

"Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who couldn't hear the music."

What to do.

What if... when life throws you lemons... you don't have a lemonade recipe???


THIS is the predicament I am in right now. Figuritavely, of course.

God, you are good.

~Poppins

Happenings.

Just some random things that happened today.

1. Our school was put under lockdown. Scariest time ever! I was seriously super scared. I cried and everything. Prayed super hard with a friend, hid in the dark corners of the anatomy room, was glad we had a future cop with us, grabbed some scalpels to "fight" if we needed to, thanked God for all the blessings He has blessed me with thus far, furiously texting friends and family letting them know I loved them. Yes, I am a drama queen, but this was seriously scary. Thanks for protecting us, Jesus! You are amazing.

2. National Day of Prayer. Heading out with an amazing group of girls to sing and pray at the city hall. An interesting experience, for sure.

3. did well on a Finite test. Amazing. How did that happen?!

4. had a discussion about the female reproductive system. Fascinating!

5. borrowed a calculator, mine ran out of batteries.

6. Made a friend mad. Distancing myself.

7. found out the musical next year is going to be OLIVER! :)

8. was bummed realizing that I don't get to be a part of said musical.

9. day dreamed about mommyhood.

10. helped a friend write an essay. I love to write.

11. gave some driving tips. hahaha.

12. Praised God for who He is. Man, He is absolutely amazing. I am always in awe when I make it through another day... How gracious is He to let me live like I live?! To let me experience what I experience?! To let me love like I love?! God, you are SOOOOoooo good!

~Poppins

beautiful.

My mom, My Dad, My brother, Sarah, Nathan, Jax, Jonny, Jake, Lisa, Jeff, Katelyn, Zachary, Connie, Shawn, Cindy, Becca, Carrie, Mrs. Henry, Mrs. King, Mr. Borden, Mrs. Rhyne, Mrs. Griffin, Chris, Rachel, Emma, Matt, Jon, David, Maeghan, Shae, Laura, Sarah, Kelsey, Molly, Tyler, Andrew, Micah, Jen, Alex, Sydney, Jere, Lindsey, Bethany, Paul, Janell, Karlee, Caleb, Caden, Tricia, Naomi, Ava, Luke, Anthony, Adiah, Ava, Blake, Jesse, Austin, Kim, Andrew, Julia, Arlene, Jessica, Jessica, Emilee, Sarah, Elyse, Ashley, Leah, Tim, Hannah, Elsa, Mrs. Doebler, Mrs. Weatherford, Mrs. Hughes, Beth, Mrs. Magly, Mrs. Mathews, Mrs. Orr, Mrs. Zittel, Lauren, Hannah, Josh, Elena, Darren, Jessica, Allyson, Daniel, Bryce, Won, Yutaro, Simon, Katie, Alex, Jillian, Claire, Korina, Lexy, Lexi, Jordan, Haven, Shayanne, Gracie, Jon, Inger, Amy, LeAnna, Brennen, Breanna, Jenny, Kacia, Megan, Rylin, Lincoln, Zach, Sawyer, Fisher, Brittany, Erik, Gina, Garrett, Hayley, JJ, Josh, Kaylin, Karen, Karie, Justin, Keegan, Kevin, Kris, Mrs. Dummer, Lily, Jonathon, Stephanie, Terri......

and so many more. I praise God for the gift of who you are. I'm simply aquaintances with some of you, others of you are my best friends in the whole world. Each and every one of you, though, were molded and formed by the God of the universe... and that alone is the reason why I absolutely, wholeheartedly, with everything I am~ praise God for you. You all are beautiful people, each playing a very different role in my life. If you ever wonder if you are loved, you don't have to look far. I hope I can always radiate to those around me that GOD is love. Never-ending, never-changing, always perfect.

May He always be magnified.

To My Boy

Every day for the past like week or so… by the end of the long day I’m a total Negative Nancy. Ugh. I know. It’s awful. I think MY current physical status combined with my empathetic-ness just makes for a bad outcome. So… when I baby sit (which is very rarely lately), my poor little boys usually get the worst of Miss Alyssa… and they’re STILL oh so gracious! What a blessing. Anyway, for the past few months I’ve been teaching my little brother Jonathon to memorize scripture, and he LOVES it. I love it as well because I’m learning too, and watching him find such joy in this task has encouraged my heart. So yesterday… he asks me to say “the joy of the Lord one.” He’s talkin bout Nehemiah 8:10. For the life of me I couldn’t remember the end of the verse. I was feeding his baby brother oatmeal and didn’t feel like getting up to look up the verse… (Yes, that’s the bad nanny I’ve been)… so very quietly… like a whisper… he looked up at me with his dark hazel eyes and said, “It’s strength, Lyssa.” The joy of the Lord is my strength. Say it, Lyssa! Say it!” If that’s not Jesus speaking to me through a precious little boy, I don’t know what is. I got tears in my eyes, said the verse, and kissed him on the cheek while praising God for the gift of children! What would I do without them! :)

Sweet Jonny Boy,
You are one of the sweetest boys I know. You make me have that silly little feeling in my stomach (you call it... luuvvv) every time I look at you. You are so handsome, funny, smart, and gentle. Even at your young age, I know you love Jesus. It's a child-like faith, simple and pure. And I love that. I love watching you desire to read your Bible, and I LOVE how you ask me to sing you "a praise song" at bedtime. Thank you for being patient, and having that uncanny way of knowing just when I need a hug. You are absolutely incredible, baby boy (even though you're not so baby anymore!), and I thank God all the time that I get to be a part of your life. I'll always be your sis, even when you don't need me to tuck you in at bedtime ;) Hugs, sweet boy. I love you so much.
~Alyssa

Engrained.

There are certain moments in my life that I will never forget. Some of them are obvious like my wedding day, birth of my children, the day I got my license, graduation. Days that everyone remembers. But there are some days I will always remember that are unique to just me. They don't happen often. I make memories often, but most of them I will forget about until I look back and read what I wrote about them ;)
Yesterday was a day, simple as it was, that I won't ever forget. Not because it was adventerous or wild, somehow different or crazy. Nope, it was truly a very "normal" day. I woke up, had a doctor's appt, talked to a friend on the phone, watched a movie, then talked with a friend for a few hours.... and it was during this very simplistic day, that I realized something.

My life will never appear flashy or special, perfect or insanely wonderful.

But to me, my life (as I would plan it out) is perfectly wonderfully specialized to be everything I could ever hope for.

I realized this yesterday... at midnight, as my brain is swirling with thoughts of motherhood, traveling, schooling, friendships, marriage...how they all somehow fit together for a beautiful purpose.

THAT is why yesterday was one of those days that is permanently engrained in my memory.

Heaven.

I am so excited to sit at the feet of Jesus one day. No more funerals, no more tears, no more pain, no more brokenness. Just constant praise to the Creator of all things.

God, I want to dream the dream that YOU are dreaming for me. So send me, Father. I will go where You want me to be... because I know that it is perfect, breathtaking, beautiful.

Love you.

What if...

...I never get to be Mary Poppins on a stage.
...I never get to sing with my husband.
...I never get to have a first kiss.
...I never get to go to nursing school.
...I never get to that little bubbly excitement when I know I'm falling in love.
...I never get to date a godly man that will cherish me.
...I never get to scream "YES!" when man asks me to be his forever.
...I never get to experience pure extreme joy when I miss that period, and have to run to the store to get the pregnancy test.
...I never get to see the little pink lines appear on the stick saying that I have a baby inside my belly.
...I never get to buy maternity clothes.
...I never get to read and sing to my sweet baby.
...I never get to dance with my baby when he is crying in the middle of the night.
...I never get to see the same man when I go to sleep and when I wake up in the morning.
...I never get to hear tiny feet pattering down the halls.
...I never get to hear, "Mommy."
...I never get to take my kids to school and watch them run and play.
...I never get to do the things that I have wanted to do since I was seven.

I am still going to LIVE.
I am still going to run, jump, and play NOW~ with the time I am given.

I will still love and praise my Savior for who He is. Perfect, Holy, Constant.

Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the DESIRES of your heart."


Jesus, I delight in You.

Thankful

I am so thankful for friends today. Friends that inspire and challenge... friends that will never let me settle and love to be adventerous. Man, I love you guys. I am SO thankful I will have stories to tell my kiddos one day ;)

Love,
Poppins

Clanging Cymbals and Starlight Symphonies :)

I tend to get wrapped up in happily-ever-afters. I still love hearing Nathan talk about how he met Sarah, my teacher talk about the first time she saw her husband.
When I'm introduced to a couple, one of my favorite questions to ask is (with a big goofy smile on my face!) "So how did you two meet?" People meet someone at a concert, on a trip, in an airport, waiting in line at a hot dog stand or at a coffee shop, and then before they know it, something clicks. It can happen between totally polar-opposite personalities. It can happen with close friends. Falling in love can be like meeting someone for the first time, even when you've known him forever. For most people, it seems as though love happens at a moment they aren't expecting it. In an instant, life just changes~ the world suddenly goes from cool sepia colors to soft pastels.
Silver screen love is beautiful too~ tragic and sweet, simple and passionate. I'm into love stories, and I think there's a good reason for this. I'm a girl created to love and be loved. My craving for affection, the way I melt when a guy hand reaches to pull out my chair, is a mystery to me. Friendship, romance, and affection can all be this jumbled, confusing mess. Trusting God with that part of my heart can be crazy hard.
I wanted to see the different ways Paul described what it would be like to live without love~ how his imagery was woven through different translator's pens. Without love, we're compared to a resounding gong and a clanging cymbal, the creaking of a rusty gate and meaningless noise. Without love, you and I are fingernails on a chalkboard, jackhammers in a peaceful neighborhood. Without love, it seems as if Paul is saying we're chaos.
What's even harder for my brain to process is that the word Paul uses for love doesn't refer to chick-flick examples, physical affection or conversation-heart poetry. Paul isn't talking about romantic love, the kind of love I have a tendency to think will make my life perfect. He's talking about agape love. Without a love that fills my life, the kind of love I can only find in Christ, the words I speak are empty, the plans I make seem shallow~ even the relationships I have feel flat.
With Christ's love, life takes on a whole new meaning. We can be kind, patient, confident (not cocky) women who persevere, hope, trust, and pursue the purpose He has for us. We can have a deep rooted security in the permanency of His love, find protection when we're near Him and look for ways to reach out to other people. Even when our world feels like a carnival ride, when our emotions and lives swirl together in a big colorful mess, we can know He is permanent, unchanging and constant. That is pretty romantic. The way God loves us in amazing.
I'm saying all of that to get to this~ You are already loved regardless of your dating status. I'm convinced it's totally OK for us to be excited about the guy He has for us, to let other relationships be a reminder to guard our hearts and our emotions and save the best of who we are for one person. And I'm convinced it's OK to desire romance, to appreciate the guys He puts in our lives. I'm also convinced that even when we're with guys who are every bit of what we've prayed for, we'll feel really empty if we aren't looking to Christ for His approval. He is the love that fills us. Jesus completes us.
When we're living lives full of love like Paul writes about, that love that spills into every other area of our lives as well.
Whether you're watching a sappy movie with a sweet guy this sunny Saturday, or watching a sappy movie alone, you're loved. Whether you're the girl everybody wants to be, or the girl who sits on a bench alone at a picnik table, you are loved. It's so easy for me to think the love that will make my life matter is the love I get from the attention and approval of other people, but again and again I'm learning the only love that makes me whole is the love I find in my relationship with Him.
You and I can wait with a whole lot of anticipation. God is very good at happily-ever-afters. Even when a sweet, fun, godly guy does come along and makes our ordinary day extraordinary, even when we have a great story to tell our grandkids, let's make the love of Christ a priority in our lives. He makes every ordinary moment extraordinary. He sees every mistake and makes a masterpiece from it.
Even for the moments we fail, the times we let our guard down, the broken hearts we give back to Him in pieces, He's waiting to sweep us up into a love that too amazing to articulate.

Without Him, I would be a meaningless noise, a clanging cymbal.

With Him, I'm acoustic guitars, a jazz piano solo, a symphony under the stars.

Without Him, my story is jumbled and inarticulate, but with Him I'm a happily-ever-after just waiting to happen.

And so are you! :)

Love,
Poppins

Passion.

I know what mine is. For sure.

Nope, this isn't the end fellow theatre friends. In truly cliche and cheesy form... "You will see much more of me." I want to do this. I need to be doing this. I never feel more "alive" (lame word choice, I know. It's late, ok?!) than when I am on that stage. It's like no other feeling.

Oh my goodness. I am thrilled. Simply thrilled.

Don't let it end, Jesus. Don't let it end! and oh, thanks for coming to watch tonight :) I love performing for You.

Heavy.

My head.
My eyes.
My words.
My singing.
My thoughts.
My heart.

My Life.

HEAVY.

Blue Hair Monday

Sometimes at school I get the pressing urge to dye my hair a really random color and wear the weirdest clothes I can find. On some level, I've never really liked blending in, but I'm learning that the more I journey through life, the easier it is to blend in.
In the school I'm in now, full of brand name jeans and perfect style, it can be even harder to feel as though I'm unique~ hence the hair thing. I wonder what it would be like to walk around in my favorite purple dress and heels with my hair glimmering a deep shiny blue. I'm a jeans kind of girl anyway, so "dress clothes" have never been my favorite attire.
I like to get dressed up for something special, but day in and day out I go with jeans and a sweatshirt, hair in a pony tail or a bun... (but I'm getting better at wearing it down!) I look like everybody else. I think having blue-hair Monday would help everybody loosen up a little bit.
Especially as girls, we really push the fashion envelope in the name of expression. Even my friend, who's a missionary in a country where women have to dress in long-sleeved shirts and long skirts, has figured out a way to look different. She sends me pictures of cool shoes she finds or henna flowers she had inked on her hand. There are millions of possibilities.
We dye our hair some crazy color. We're grungy one day and couture the next, and sometimes we even pull it off with amazing flair! We can be girly or edgy or athletic or all all that blended into one look. But it's still just a look. At the end of the day, we want to remind the world we're just a little bit different from everybody else. Nobody wants to blend in.
I'm learning that my wildly creative and imaginative God didn't create me to blend, either; He created me to shine. He compared us to stars in the universe. He told us He loves us more than smeared sunsets. We're bound to stand out, but it has very little to do with what color we dye our hair or if it's a pink flip-flop or black stilettos kind of day and everything to do with our hearts.
Lately I've been thinking about what it means to shine, because I've been reading about Daniel. Early on, long before his run-in with some hungry lions, Daniel was making decisions for his God alone and not for other people. Daniel was good-looking, smart, and ambitious (like the other guys serving the king), but he got noticed, because he decided to take a stand. Taking a stand on what you know is right, even when nobody agrees, makes standing out a no-brainer.
Daniel refused to defile himself with the king's food and drink (Daniel 1:8), a choice that landed him some criticism at first. Eventually people could see Daniel was healthier than the other guys. His choice to please God above everybody else made him stand out. But that was only one example of why Daniel didn't blend in. He wasn't just concerned with the externals; he was faithful to God even when no one was looking. He made knowing and spending time with God a priority.
Wrapped in a prayer life that rocked his life, and eventually the whole kingdom, Daniel profoundly influenced his world because of his deep, personal relationship with God. As he stood before the king with tact and grace, God revealed deep intricate mysteries to Daniel. Heaven stood strong in the face of death. The Daniel I've always pictured is sitting in a room full of lions, but long before that moment, Daniel knew how to live in an influence his society while being completely devoted to God.
The many conversations God wants to have with me in my lifetime, the secret, hidden, amazing moments He's waiting to share, won't start in public when I'm trying to stand out. They happen in private, when I'm alone with Him, on my knees in worship, in adoration, talking to Him and listening for His voice.
His Word changes the way I see the world, see my life and see the people in it. Our stories are unfolding. His plan is huge. I don't want to miss it. I want to seize the big opportunities to make a stand for Him. I want to help people without making a big deal about it, without even telling people I'm doing it, because what's going on inside my heart is the real measure of whether I blend in or stand out.
The moral of the story is this~ Being relevant to my generation has a lot less to do with how I look or what bands I can name-drop and a lot more to do with how I let God work in me in such a way that it affects other people. That process never ends. That process makes me different. On the average city street, in the average school, I might blend in. But in HIS mind, I have a purpose and a plan totally unique to me- and so do you.
Daniel's words in 2:28 are some of my favorites: "There is a God in heaven who reveals mysteries." That same God calls you and me friend. Never settle for anything less than a radical relationship with Him~ a relationship that gives you the wings to dream big dreams and love extravagantly.
In the end, love never blends.
Love stands out.
Love changes things.
By the way, I'll just settle for a loud headband here and there. But if I ever dye my hair blue, I'll let you know.

~Poppins

Boys in Love...

... are quite possibly the cutest thing to watch.

The way their eyes seem to instantly soften and spark with excitement when she walks in the room, the way a smile has never looked so big or genuine, the way he won't leave her side and if he does he's constantly aware of where she is, the way every single one of his friends knows he's smitten which makes him turn red and feel bad (but only for half a second), the way he tries so hard to hide the fact that he doesn't care about anybody else in the room, the way he lets everyone around know that he thinks what she's saying is going to change the world!, the way he wants to leave earlier than everyone else just to catch a moment with his girl, the way he'll kiss her full on the mouth in the midst of a crowd... the way he loves her, and she knows it.

Ah, boys. You just gotta love em.

Thanks for making life adventerous, boys. I love your wild, manly selves... but it's so fun to watch you completely gaga over a girl.

~Poppins

Long Week Ahead.

Not only is this week the week that makes me wonder why I ever agree to do this "play" thing... not only is this the week where exhaustion is defined by droopy eyes by ten in the morning... not only is this the week where I am consistently pushed and challenged... not only is this the week where sleep is a novelty... not only is this the week where I will break down and cry because I'm not doing something right... not only is this the week that defines the word intense...

...but it's a week that started with little support, irritation at the practice schedule, and yelling about my incompetency.

Yes, there is definitely a long week ahead.

It's a Girl Thing, Love is.

If I were thanking God for his character A to Z today, I'd go totally un-original and thank Him for His love; love that's brighter and more beautiful than spring days and more peaceful than April showers. I'd thank Him for that perfect, unconditional love that offers new starts and forgiveness and peaceful sleep when my mind is restless.
My little brain is full this afternoon... swirling with thoughts of mean spirited people, stereotypes, conversations where nothing is achieved, anger, dreamy eyes, dancing in airports, giving up, exhaustion, confusion, true friendship~ and the uncanny way they all fit together, for a purpose greater than I could ever imagine.
I'm a romantic. Definitely a swooner... super easy to charm me. I want to find the man God has for me, marry the sweetheart, and spend my life pursuing a life lived in adoration of the King. But if that's not right now, that's okay. Beautiful, breathtaking things come from waiting. I am content... not looking for a quick fix or a title. My Jesus is molding and shaping me as well as the hubs, preparing us both for what's to come. Love is patient, kind, wild, gentle, forgiving, sincere, and so much more. But I know one thing for sure~ When I am sitting at the feet of the ultimate Lover... my love is pure and beautiful.

~A

Foggy Castles and Designer Bags

I was walking through the MoMa (Museum of Modern Art..though there is much more than just modern. It's split up into rooms.) in New York City by myself while the family had gone to a movie... looking at the brilliant walls and walls of art. Sometimes when I look at paintings, I feel as if I'm staring into someone's imagination. I always wonder what the artist was thinking. Some paintings are like a deep glimpse into someone's heart, like the watercolor poetry for the whole world to see. One of my first stops that day was the room of modern art.
There are some kinds of modern art I just can't get into- like the canvas with a big orange square I was supposed to stare at for twenty minutes. I'm just not artsy enough to get what's going on, I guess. At first I though maybe everybody else was seeing something I wasn't, like maybe if I stared hard enough it would be one of those things where I could suddenly see a 3-D tree or something.
I was relieved when we finally moved into a room full of classic paintings. One artist in particular caught my eye, and before I knew it I had sat down cross-legged on a bench in the room in front of his storybook of work. That day, when I stared into his imagination, I learned a lot about perspective. And eternity. And how I fit into God's glorious canvas.
His name is J.M.W Turner, and his paintings are astounding. He painted ships out to sea that look like something from Neverland. He painted Hannibal's army crossing the Alps through a swirling dark storm. Some of his work resembles a fairytale, and some of it looks like a bad dream, with sunrises and natural tragedies alike.
My Turner overload became even greater when the tour guide started commenting on his work. He said that usually Turner's focus was on the ordinary. If you look at most of his paintings, there's this place where the light swells, and you see something very serene- the struggle to survive in a storm or a placid farm off in the distance. At first, you see the vastness of a picture, but when you look closer you see the true beauty: a normal everyday moment we overlook, something that may always be there that we just choose not to see. I used to have a postcard in a box under my bed of one of Turner's prints called Norham Castle, Sunrise. The people around me who were digging the orange squares in mod art weren't as inspired as I (that's the cool thing about art- there's something for everyone!), but this picture in particular is the one I love. The colors are sparse- blurry green grass, and animal grazing and a smeared blue castle. It looks like a kingdom in the clouds. Some people think it's so blurry because Turner was losing his eyesight. Other people say it just wasn't finished or that he was experimenting with different techniques.
Whatever the deal is, I think the picture is really special. It reminds me of Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 13:12: "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." I also love how it's paraphrased in the Message. "We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in the fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears, and the sun shines bright!"
There are things that'll never make sense to me while I'm on earth. Part of really trusting God is knowing that while I am here, I may not understand why something I wanted, even something that seemed to glorify Him, didn't work out. And still, He's there. He's in the ordinary. He's in the storm. He's in all the hazy, blurry confusion. He doesn't change, and I love that.
On the flip side, the castle picture reminds me that eternity is real, even if it's just a blurry picture in my mind right now. Heaven is a very real place, and I'll physically stand before Jesus and be accountable for how I used the gifts He gave me and how I loved the people around me. On that day, the stuff I wasted my time thinking about, piles of stuff I want- the funky designer bags that look like something right off the shoulder of Sienna Miller; the jeans I saved up for; the new iPod; the books; even the random awards I have- will mean nothing.
What WILL matter is the what I did for Him while I was on earth. It's amazing how random moments help me realize how fast and quick my life is in the grand scheme of things. I want to know that while I live, I use up my life in His service. Maybe that's why I don't care so much about spending my money on the people I love... investing in them over dinner, cupcakes, or a blue shirt... even if it's not recognized or the purpose isn't realized. I want my life to matter. When the foggy glass lifts and I see Him face to face, I won't regret letting the white spring capris I saw on sale get away from me. But I WILL regret not making the most of the minute I had to change someone's day.
Usually on my morning drive to school, I see the Redding skyline, and I always look forward to it. For a week or so, there was so much fog I couldn't make it out at all, not even when it was right in front of me. I thought about how weird that is- to know it's right there in front of me and not be able to see it at all. Then I though of the Turner painting. Then I thought of heaven and how sweet it is to know that Jesus wants me to be there with Him forever. We're told our wildest dreams can't even come close to what God has in store for those who love Him- now and in the future when we're with Him face to face (1 Corinthians 2:9)
What we do know is His promise: that even in our darkest and loneliest days, even in the moments when we get so obsessed with having more stuff and more status that we forget about Him, if we'd just look over our shoulder we might be surprised. Our greatest moments of joy in this world are just shadows of a kingdom we can't see yet, the faintest outline of a blurry castle our eyes can barely make out.
When that veil is lifted, and He's standing there, we won't wonder anymore. Then, and now, Jesus is already holding us through every moment of joy and sadness, making our story-book ending, our watercolor lifetime, while we wait for the sun to rise.
You are, in every way, His favorite work of art.

~Poppins